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LATEST ARTICLES
How Do You Peel Your Bananas?
Some people grab the top of the banana (where it connects to other bananas in a bunch), snap it back, and peel down from there. Others hold it upside-down, pinch the bottom end, and peel away from there. We’re sure there are many more ways to peel a banana, but these are the two we know about.
How do you peel your bananas?
Secrets – Dirty Little Secrets
Secrets. We all have them.
Some may be larger than others. But then again, who is to decide how big a secret really is? Awhile back, I thought the fact that my hair is not “really” blonde anymore would be considered a secret. Now, I could care less if anyone knows. My weight? Well, I certainly prefer you don’t know. Heck, I don’t even want to know. I hesitate to get on the darn scale at the doctor during my annual exam.Since I choose not to share this information,
these things may be considered to be secrets by some. But what I am realizing is that my secrets pale compared to others. To most others. Heck, I thought I was pretty racy when I didn’t tell anyone about the time that I ate bacon for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No, I am tame. Boring even. Sigh. But I’m not saying I am seeking out more secrets about myself. I am not craving more internal excitement. I mean let’s face it. A secret is something that (supposedly) nobody knows. So if I decide to beg my way out of a traffic ticket with a very good looking cop – what fun is it if I can’t share this naughty little tidbit about me that lurks within my Mary Poppins existence with my best friend or the person sitting next to me in the coffee house?Anyway, as I said, my secrets are boring.
I’ve found out they are a negative 1 on a scale of 1-10. While Googling the word “secrets”, I’ve found there are websites where people can tell their secrets anonymously. There are websites where people will take dares from complete strangers and post the results. There are websites for affairs and websites for people that want others to think they live a gloriously exciting and strange life. In reality, Facebook is boring. I am trying to figure out if I like finding out others secrets. If I find out something so strange or far out about someone that I care about, will it change the way I feel about them? I am quite certain that no, it won’t change my feelings. I am not a judgmental person to begin with anyway. And once again, secrets are “secrets” for a reason, right? They are things about ourselves that we don’t want anyone else to know. I don’t advocate breaking the law or anything like that, but once again, is it true that what I don’t know (about you or anyone else) won’t hurt me?Nothing major has happened to spur this column.
Nobody has revealed anything outrageous about themselves that they’ve kept from me forever. No, I just decided that keeping secrets from others is an interesting subject. The definition of a secret is: kept hidden or separate from the knowledge of others. Well, if we go by this definition, I have a few more secrets than I thought: my husband has no idea how many pair of shoes I have, my sister doesn’t know that I “borrowed” a sweater the last time I saw her, I have read all 3 Fifty Shades of Grey books, I make fun of people that leave their Christmas lights left up past Easter and I like my dogs better than some people I know.But you see this is not about “True Confessions”.
This is about not confessing anything. No, this is about hanging on to things that we don’t want others to know. I guess in the end we may feel better letting go of our secrets before they become a burden. This may be why Catholic Priests and late night radio shows are so popular: it feels good to share secrets, and to know that we are “ok” despite them. And depending on your beliefs, be absolved for them. And maybe those that tell Barbara Walters their deep and dark subjects truly just want other people’s approval or disapproval or reaction. In the end, maybe it’s no fun to have a secret unless somebody knows. Maybe unburdening our secrets will make us feel better and less like we’ve sinned. But as I said, I strive to be non-judgmental – and that even includes to myself. So based on that, I will tell my sister about the sweater, but I won’t tell my husband about the new lovely red pumps. (“These old things? Why I’ve had them forever!”) Secrets are a part of life. I promise I will like you even if I don’t know everything little tiny thing about you!The Fifth Of November
The Fifth of November
Remember, remember!
The fifth of November,
The Gunpowder treason and plot;
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!
Guy Fawkes and his companions
Did the scheme contrive,
To blow the King and Parliament
All up alive.
Threescore barrels, laid below,
To prove old England’s overthrow.
But, by God’s providence, him they catch,
With a dark lantern, lighting a match!
A stick and a stake
For King James’s sake!
If you won’t give me one,
I’ll take two,
The better for me,
And the worse for you.
A rope, a rope, to hang the Pope,
A penn’orth of cheese to choke him,
A pint of beer to wash it down,
And a jolly good fire to burn him.
Holloa, boys! holloa, boys! make the bells ring!
Holloa, boys! holloa boys! God save the King!
Hip, hip, hooor-r-r-ray!
Are you a Lexophile?
A Lexophile is someone who loves words.
Not just, “Oh, I love the word hippopotamus!” A Lexophile uses words as effectively as possible, deriving pleasure from finessing a pun or creating a sentence that can melt a brain. Lexophiles love plays on words, synonyms, antonyms, homophones, homonyms, onomatopoeias… using words in new, refreshing ways to creatively convey a message, usually for humor or entertainment.So… Are you a Lexophile?
Take a look at some of these word play examples! If your reaction is, “Dang, wish I would have thought of that one!” you might be a Lexophile. 1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired. 2. A will is a dead giveaway. 3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes. 6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner. 10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. 13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. 14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under. 15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. 16. A calendar’s days are numbered. 17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine. 18. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 20. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. 22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall. 24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine. 25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye. 26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses. 28. Acupuncture: a jab well done. 29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. 30. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. 36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’ 41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’ 43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’ 44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 46. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects. SourceWhat Not To Search On Google
While Google is a powerful tool to search for information and communicate globally, there are some topics you just shouldn’t search for, simply to protect your peace of mind. This includes checking up on old flames, bad bosses and celebrity pets. Each one of these searches will potentially return something you just don’t want or need to see.
Former Romantic Interests
You broke up with your old flames for a good reason, but you don’t need to second-guess your decision by looking them up on the internet. Reading their Facebook page, Linkedin profile or blog isn’t going to make you feel better. It will only make you wonder about the choices you’ve made … if your ex turned out to be successful. If they’ve had it rough, it’ll be mildly cathartic, but still probably not worth the effort of a search. You’re not the type of person to take joy in someone else’s misfortune, right?Bad Bosses
We’ve all had a boss treat us poorly, take credit for our work and talk down to us, as if we were completely incompetent. It’s hard to forget people like that, but it’s best to put them out of your mind. Searching them up on Google will only make you relive bad experiences. Like that time you vomited all over the conference table … oof. Of course, bad bosses who have gotten a fair dose of karma are fun to ridicule, but it’s not worth the effort. It’s best to leave their profiles and resumes lost in the ether forever.Celebrity Pets
The pampered, extravagant lives of celebrity pets are both fascinating and infuriating at the same time. At most, pictures of pets wearing jewelry and expensive outfits is an inefficient use of time. On the other hand, it can be hard to watch a dog or cat eat better than you eat. The level of envy you may end up feeling for a dog or cat can actually ruin your day. If your own pet catches a glimpse of your screen while you’re ogling these other animals, the consequences could be irreparable. It’s best to ignore the exploits of celebrity pets in favor of other value-added activities. Taking out the trash is probably a better use of your time. Google is a modern convenience that makes life easier to live, but there are some searches that can make you feel awkward, uneasy and just a little bit scared. Maybe step away from the monitor for a little bit, huh? That’s it, back away slowly …
The Island Of Misfit Toys (i.e., Unfinished Projects)
As we were driving past the line of brightly lit storefronts,
my son blurted something out from the back seat. “QUITters Studio???” I turned my head in the direction where he was looking, and laughed, as I realized what he saw. “QUILTers studio,” I corrected.To him, that did not make one bit of difference.
It was like, “O-kay, sooooooo . . . what’s a QUILters Studio???” We live in fast-paced, multi-tasking, over-scheduling, overly-competitive(ing) Northern Virginia . . . where most of us (in order to “save time”) send our clothing to the cleaners or the local tailor, just to sew on a missing button. There are people (around here) who sew QUILTS . . .for PLEASURE???
This was hard for me to imagine; much less, try to explain it to my teenage son. But, suddenly, I found myself having fun imagining what a “QUITters Studio” would be like. I envisioned a room FILLED with unfinished projects: a portrait painting with barely a face, a knitted sweater with no arms, a wooden chair with not enough legs, a metal clock with no hands . . . (think “Island of Misfit Toys”) a speckled wall that still needs painting, piles of papers that still need filing, kitchen chairs that need tightening, a broken bookshelf that needs repairing . . . Ohhhh, WAIT.That’s MY HOUSE.
And, that’s when a brilliant thought came over me. I should start charging money every time someone enters my home! “Welcome to my home!” I would say. “Please enjoy and appreciate my unfinished projects! And, don’t forget to enjoy the unfinished cookies and coffee, as well!” Technically, though, “unfinished” is not the same as “quitting”. I do intend to finish those projects . . . some day.Maybe, after Christmas.
In the meantime, maybe I’ll just finish the answer to my son’s question: “A quilters studio is a place that sells materials to people who like to make quilts.” “What KIND of quilts?” he asked. “You know, like . . . blankets, comforters, bedspreads, duvets . . . ” I responded. Then, with a serious look on his face, he asked, “Can’t they just go to Bed, Bath & Beyond?”A Blonde Was Desperate For Money…
Funny Joke Of The Day
A blonde was desperate for money, so she decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs. At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. “Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?” “Sure,” smiled the blonde, “I’ll do it for $100.” “Great,” the man replied. “You’ll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage.” The man went back into the house to his wife, who’d been listening. “A hundred bucks! Does she know it goes all the way around the house?” asked the wife. “Well, she must. She was standing right on it!” he said. About 45 minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. “I’m all done,” she reported. The man was amazed. “You painted the whole porch?” “Yeah,” the blonde said. “I even had some left, so I put on two coats! Oh, and by the way,” she added, “that’s not a Porsche. It’s a Ferrari.”Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!
(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)Rusty Lake Studios Presents ‘Cube Escape: The Cave’
If you love escape games, you may know of escape game virtuosos Rusty Lake Studios. The Netherlands-based indie app company started a series of escape games called Cube Escape in 2015, and they are now about to release their 9th installment. The new game, titled Cube Escape: The Cave, will feature the same foreboding, delightfully morose atmosphere as fans are likely to expect from the Rusty Lake escape game series- and continue to unfold a story full of shadowy and compelling mystery.
Rusty Lake: An Immersive Escape Game Series
The co-founders of Rusty Lake Studios describe their series of escape games as “surrealistic adventure games,” inspired by the TV show Twin Peaks– a gloomy, dreamlike drama that was as odd as it was captivating. The Rusty Lake Cube Escape series rises above the typical point-and-click monotony of some puzzle escape games, allowing for an immersive experience for any type of gamer. The stories of the Cube Escape games are intertwined with each other and two other Rusty Lake escape games- Rusty Lake: Hotel and Rusty Lake: Roots. While each escape game has its own unique story line and concept, there are some clear (and purposefully unclear) ways that the stories come together as the player is drawn in to the surreal world of Rusty Lake.Rusty Lake: The Developers and The Eerie Locale
The creators of this dark escape game series consist of two people: Robin and Maarten. The two friends started working on news-based flash games as a hobby, until the pair took their diversion to the next level and started working on the Cube Escape game series, and developed Rusty Lake Studios. The creative duo have a small crew of folks they like to use in their escape games for voices, soundtracks, background artistry, and testing; overall, the bulk of the game’s content comes from the two men and their intricate storylines. The heart and soul of the escape room action is Rusty Lake; a magical, surrealistic, yet earthly location that feels simultaneously comforting and foreboding. Whether or not Rusty Lake plays a prominent role in each escape game, it’s always there; a reminder that you’re never really going to escape its confines. Many fan theories and speculations about Rusty Lake exist, a surefire sign that this escape game series has struck a nerve with the type of gamer who delights in digging deeper into the overarching themes of games.Rusty Lake: The Cave
For this most recent installment of the Cube Escape series, the Rusty Lake developers are continuing to weave their story with puzzles that unravel clues about the overall story in Rusty Lake. Like its predecessors, Cube Escape: The Cave will be a stylized slow-burn of cerebral, imaginative content with sometimes downright frustratingly perplexing puzzles to solve. Unlike the other Cube Escape games, The Cave has an in-game hint system for those who don’t like to leave the immersive environment of the escape game to seek out a walkthrough video. Since the Cube Escape games are free to download and play, the hints are exchanged for an ad- which may annoy some players, but will hopefully lower some of the monetary losses resulting from releasing a free-to-play escape game.Rusty Lake: Where To Start
For new Rusty Lake players, there can be a lot of confusion about the story and how it unfolds: luckily, there is a specific “path” to take in terms of what order to play the Rusty Lake escape games in. That being said, those new to Rusty Lake/Cube Escape games should note that the these escape games may have a suggested order, but it’s in no way a linear journey. We’ve already said too much: download all the Rusty Lake/Cube Escape games to see for yourself!Rusty Lake: The Cave comes out for iOS and Android on March 23rd, 2017.
Rusty Lake Cube Escape Game Order:
Cube Escape: Seasons Cube Escape: The Lake Cube Escape: Arles Cube Escape: Harvey’s Box Cube Escape: Case 23 Cube Escape: The Mill Rusty Lake: Hotel Cube Escape: Birthday Cube Escape: Theatre Rusty Lake: Roots Cube Escape: The Cave Sources: Cube Escape Wikia, Touch Arcade, Rusty LakeTwo oilfield workers from North Dakota were on a trip…
Funny Joke of the Day!
Two oilfield workers from North Dakota were on a trip to South Texas. They went to sign on with a new drilling contractor when they were pulled over by a State Trooper. The trooper walked up and tapped on the driver-side window with his nightstick. The roughneck rolled down the window and WHACK – the trooper smacked him in the head with his nightstick. “What the heck was that for?” the roughneck asked. “You’re in Texas, ” the trooper answered. “When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.” The trooper ran a check on the license and the roughneck was clean, so he gave him his license back. The trooper then walked around to the passenger side and tapped on the window and the other roughneck rolled down the window and WHACK – the trooper smacked him on the head with the nightstick. “What’d you do that for?” the roughneck demanded. “Making your wish come true,” replied the trooper. “Making WHAT wish come true?” the roughneck asked. “I know you roughneck types,” The trooper said. “A hundred feet down the road, you would’ve turned to your buddy and said, ‘I wish that SOB would’ve tried that on me!’” SourceMore Funny Jokes Here!
Inspirational Quotes For When You Need Tough Love
We’ve all been in situations where we feel like we can’t get our head above water- maybe you’re not doing well in a pickleball tournament, or you tried to pickle a fresh batch of bananas and you just can’t get the recipe right.
Buck up, buttercup! We’re here to give you some tough love via inspirational quotes that will give you the strength to keep truckin’ and be the best YOU that you can be!
Embrace the glorious mess that you are
Everything happens for a reason
Don’t be so hard on yourself
The pity train has just derailed
Live is rough so you gotta be tough
A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor
5 Things Fireball Cinnamon Whisky Doesn’t Pair Well With
Oh, it’s awesome. Fireball Cinnamon Whisky offers all the flavor of your favorite single malt and an Atomic Fireball combined into one electric punch. Ah, savor it as you swirl around your mouth, and then after you swallow, feel free to belch out the uncontrollable flames the cinnamon provides.
It’s the afterburn that’s the kicker. You should be aware of some things that don’t pair well with a bottle of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky.
Log Rolling Competition
Yes, it’s autumn and all the harvest fairs are in full swing. You join your buddy on a log for a friendly challenge of who can stay out of the water longest. To bless this moment of friendship and fun, you clink your glasses with a single shot of Fireball Whisky and knock them back … and then end up face first in the water when you wheeze out. That stuff will get you every time.Before Judging An Apple Pie Contest
It would seem just the thing to warm up those taste buds with a cinnamon blast of whisky before tucking into the finalists’ pies at the fair. But it won’t go over too well with the other judges and contestants when you’re gasping, “Oh no!” and wiping your watering eyes as you take the first forkful.Sharing A Drink With Your Future Son-In-Law For The First Time
It’s a special night! Your future son-in-law is going to join you for the big game in celebration of his engagement with your daughter. You thought it would be nice to break out a bottle while the two of you have a little man time discussing married life. However, it’s not going to help either of you when the talk turns to the honeymoon and neither of you can stop coughing! Actually, if you don’t want to talk about the honeymoon, take a double shot as soon as he brings it up.As A Cocktail While Your Wife Is Getting Dressed
Timing is everything. You’re figuring you’ll just have one shot before the two of you head out for dinner and dancing. She’s wiggling into that tight black number you love. But working your way through the burn of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky may not be the best time to be answering the question, “So, how do I look?”Just Before Having The ‘Talk’ With Your Teenager Son
It’s supposed to be a somber, grounding and bonding moment between father and son when you sit down for some serious discussion about sex. It takes a little bit of courage. But don’t get your courage from the Fireball Whisky! You’ll be coughing the whole time and your son will think you don’t have the chutzpah to come right out and say what you mean. Show him you mean business. Sure, there are many ways and times that you should be drinking ridiculous amounts of Fireball, but there are others when it’s best left in the cabinet.Christmas CEO Santa Claus ‘Devastated’ By Email Leak In Recent North Pole Hack
Recent acquisitions by the ephemeral message service have been revealed in emails between Santa Claus and Various Correspondents.
Christmas CEO Santa Claus, formerly known as St. Nicholas, said last Thursday that he was “embarrassed” and “devastated” by a recent North Pole Hack into the super-secret Christmas database by an unknown hacker group called the “ANTLER” (Awesome Northern Tricksters Leaving Evidence Ready). Information obtained includes archived e-mails between Mrs. And Mr. Santa Claus revealing marital issues and marriage counseling due to increased holiday stress, odd credit card expenditures by Mrs. Claus and Santa, the naughty-nice list, as well as toys imported from China and workshop downsizing. Santa Claus wrote in a memo to the Christmas Elves, “We will find and effectively deal with the ANTLER group after we’ve identified all members. I feel awful that anybody had to see this side of me, I mean the side that isn’t the jolly fat man everyone loves.” The internal emails revealed that a correspondence between Rudolph (the red-nosed reindeer) and Santa Claus that Mrs. Clause was a “minimally talented cook” and “spoiled brat”. Insiders tell us the Claus Family is not currently speaking.
When the press reached out for a comment, Santa Claus had this to say: “Releasing our extremely private naughty-nice and e-mails is like releasing nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence. Why is the North Pole okay to hack?”
How To Use A French Press Properly
In recent years, the French press has come into vogue as a popular tool for making perfectly brewed cups of fresh-ground coffee. Why are people using a French press to make coffee of all things? We have no clue.
Any experienced chef will tell you (not that we asked any, but just trust us on this one) that the real purpose of a French press is for making French toast, French dressing, and french fries. [For all you pedants out there, “french fries” is lowercase because “french” refers to the style of cut, not the nation.]
Look, “coffee” doesn’t even have the word “French” in it! How these people decided you should make coffee in a French press is beyond us. Start calling coffee “French tea” and we’ll reconsider.