LATEST ARTICLES

10 Crimes Aaron Hernandez Actually Did Not Commit

  10, or whatever, crimes that Aaron Hernandez did not commit because they did not happen if you know what’s good for you. Only a short time ago it seemed that Aaron Hernandez had the World at his feet. What has come to light since is that this may have been because he had a gun trained on it. Any allegations are a long way from being proven despite compelling evidence from Hernandez’s home security cameras. Cameras which Hernandez staunchly denies having, in a video captured by his home security system. Nevertheless, whatever truths the law may establish, the following are situations that the wayward former sports star has not had any involvement in.

Don’t you say that he did, for you will be bad … & wrong … & your pants will catch on fire.

1 ) Helping Guy Richie shoot Swept Away but not using a firearm to do it. 2 ) Playing a full NFL game using an actual pig instead of a football. 3 ) Pulling the wings off flies, birds, model planes, soccer pitches, sanitary towels, wingdings & Paul McCartney 4 ) Swathing a duck in duct tape & persuading it to rob a convenience store. The duck refused to quack, took the wrap leaving police unable to prove any egging on was involved in hatching the plan. 5 ) Stealing candy from The Royal Baby 6 ) Texting in a touchdown 7 ) Snatching a Faberge Egg and running 50 yards before stopping to hurl it to the ground & dancing in celebration. 8 ) Filibustering for 11 seconds 9 ) Throwing Norse Mythology into chaos 10 ) Hitting 73 home runs in a NFL season 11 ) Coughin’ in to soup :- Trying to hide a in coffin soup 12 ) Bending straight E s at high-school 13 ) Refusing to help a chicken to cross the road & a leopard to change its spots 14 ) Allegedly having connections to The Decepticons, The Anthill Mob, The Amoeba Boys, Gargamel and Team Rocket. 15 ) Being involved with stem cell treatments using flowers & operating as an unlicensed chiropractor.   Featured photo from http://imgur.com/ | http://i.imgur.com/zCc32IL.jpg

What Do Your Bumper Stickers Say About You?

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Do your bumper stickers tell about the real you? Or were they just on the car when you bought it?

What Do Your Bumper Stickers Say About You?

Top 10 Superbowl XLVIII ‘Takeaways’ (And There Was Football)

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10. Renee Fleming should ALWAYS sing

“The Star-Spangled Banner”. 9. Clydesdales and Puppies make grown men cry. 8. The 80’s has been found! 7. David Beckham still looks good with his shirt off. 6. Stephen Colbert is a nut.

5. Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

still looks good with his shirt off. 4. John Stamos tastes good with yogurt. 3. John Stamos doesn’t do his own laundry. 2. Bruno Mars ROCKED the halftime show. And, he left his shirt on. And, the #1 Superbowl XLVIII ‘Takeaway’ is (drum roll, please) . . . 1. Don’t let those uptight German auto engineers fool you.        

What Movie Would You Like To Live In?

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Movies are friggin’ awesome. It’s why we pay millions to see them, year after year.

What Movie Would You Like To Live In?

Household Uses For Chlorine

Every person who has ever attended and paid a little bit of attention to their science class in school must have heard the name of chlorine. It is the third most commonly spoken about chemical after oxygen and ammonia in our science labs and was situated at the top right side on the periodic table. It is represented by the symbol “Cl” and whoever tasted it, said it is salty. Have you ever given a thought as to what will you do if you have some spare chlorine just sitting in a bottle with you? Well, there are many ways you can put that chlorine to a good use.* *Don’t really do any of these things. SATIRE, friends!

Purify Water For Drinking

Suppose you are stuck in a desert far from the utilities and facilities of modern times. And after walking for miles under hot sun, you finally come across a source of water which you are half sure with your remaining working senses that it is not a mirage. You dive in it to cool yourself down. After calming your body, now you want to drink it to quench your thirst. But, what if the water you are about to drink is not fit for drinking. What if after drinking the water, you catch some illness and die shortly. You need to act fast as you are already 5 minutes away from death because of thirst and dehydration. Just put out the chlorine pills from your bag, fill the water in a container and put the pills in it. The water will become pure(ish) after some time and you can drink it then. Chlorine is a proven water purifier and is used for purifying water for a long time.

Alternative To Salt

Some guests have arrived at your home unexpectedly and you are cooking dinner for them now. But you realize that you are out of salt in your kitchen. Now, you can’t just leave your esteemed guests to themselves and go out to buy salt now. But what you can do is using chlorine in your food as an alternative. Chlorine is claimed to be salty and is also the reason while the water containing too much chlorine tastes salty. I know, I know! Chlorine is poisonous. But, desperate times, desperate measures! Plus, it will be a good thing if you hate the guests who have come to your house.

Exact Revenge On Rats

If you are also one of the people constantly infuriated because of the rats treating your house as theirs, well rejoice! There is a great way to exact your revenge from those rodents and get rid of them at the same time; and that is by treating them with their last supper. Chlorine is highly poisonous and eating it forms other than chlorides means a sure death. So, take a cheese, apply or mix it with some chlorine, keep it anywhere and leave the rest to Mother Nature. The rat will smell the cheese and find it himself. And as soon as he takes the first bite out of the cheese, you will get your revenge of all the things bitten and trashed by it in your house. Not everyone would have the heart to do this, but there is always the more humane option of hiring a professional team like Rat control Melbourne FL to remove rats from your home instead. They’re dedicated to minimising animal/human conflict.

As A Fire Extinguisher

You can use common salt which contains chlorine in chloride form to put out fire caused by oil or grease. Now, you know you can’t use water to extinguish such fires as it is just ineffective with oil being lighter and floating above water. So, in case any of your science experiment involving oil and grease gone wrong and no other effective options available, just sprinkle salt or chlorine powder (if it exists) on the fire and the fire will be extinguished shortly. A better way is to keep a fire extinguisher ready next time you are performing any DIY science experiments in your garage.

A Blonde Got Tired Of All The Blonde Jokes At Work – Funny Joke of the Day

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Funny Joke of the Day

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes at work. So one evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to HERE with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.” One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?” “N,” she answered, proudly. Funny Joke source

More Funny Jokes!

Rusty Lake Studios Presents ‘Cube Escape: The Cave’

If you love escape games, you may know of escape game virtuosos Rusty Lake Studios. The Netherlands-based indie app company started a series of escape games called Cube Escape in 2015, and they are now about to release their 9th installment. The new game, titled Cube Escape: The Cave, will feature the same foreboding, delightfully morose atmosphere as fans are likely to expect from the Rusty Lake escape game series- and continue to unfold a story full of shadowy and compelling mystery.

Rusty Lake: An Immersive Escape Game Series

The co-founders of Rusty Lake Studios describe their series of escape games as “surrealistic adventure games,” inspired by the TV show Twin Peaks– a gloomy, dreamlike drama that was as odd as it was captivating. The Rusty Lake Cube Escape series rises above the typical point-and-click monotony of some puzzle escape games, allowing for an immersive experience for any type of gamer. The stories of the Cube Escape games are intertwined with each other and two other Rusty Lake escape games- Rusty Lake: Hotel and Rusty Lake: Roots. While each escape game has its own unique story line and concept, there are some clear (and purposefully unclear) ways that the stories come together as the player is drawn in to the surreal world of Rusty Lake.

Rusty Lake: The Developers and The Eerie Locale

The creators of this dark escape game series consist of two people: Robin and Maarten. The two friends started working on news-based flash games as a hobby, until the pair took their diversion to the next level and started working on the Cube Escape game series, and developed Rusty Lake Studios. The creative duo have a small crew of folks they like to use in their escape games for voices, soundtracks, background artistry, and testing; overall, the bulk of the game’s content comes from the two men and their intricate storylines. The heart and soul of the escape room action is Rusty Lake; a magical, surrealistic, yet earthly location that feels simultaneously comforting and foreboding. Whether or not Rusty Lake plays a prominent role in each escape game, it’s always there; a reminder that you’re never really going to escape its confines. Many fan theories and speculations about Rusty Lake exist, a surefire sign that this escape game series has struck a nerve with the type of gamer who delights in digging deeper into the overarching themes of games.

Rusty Lake: The Cave

For this most recent installment of the Cube Escape series, the Rusty Lake developers are continuing to weave their story with puzzles that unravel clues about the overall story in Rusty Lake. Like its predecessors, Cube Escape: The Cave will be a stylized slow-burn of cerebral, imaginative content with sometimes downright frustratingly perplexing puzzles to solve. Unlike the other Cube Escape games, The Cave has an in-game hint system for those who don’t like to leave the immersive environment of the escape game to seek out a walkthrough video. Since the Cube Escape games are free to download and play, the hints are exchanged for an ad- which may annoy some players, but will hopefully lower some of the monetary losses resulting from releasing a free-to-play escape game.  

Rusty Lake: Where To Start

For new Rusty Lake players, there can be a lot of confusion about the story and how it unfolds: luckily, there is a specific “path” to take in terms of what order to play the Rusty Lake escape games in. That being said, those new to Rusty Lake/Cube Escape games should note that the these escape games may have a suggested order, but it’s in no way a linear journey. We’ve already said too much: download all the Rusty Lake/Cube Escape games to see for yourself!

Rusty Lake: The Cave comes out for iOS and Android on March 23rd, 2017.

Rusty Lake Cube Escape Game Order:

Cube Escape: Seasons Cube Escape: The Lake Cube Escape: Arles Cube Escape: Harvey’s Box Cube Escape: Case 23 Cube Escape: The Mill Rusty Lake: Hotel Cube Escape: Birthday Cube Escape: Theatre Rusty Lake: Roots Cube Escape: The Cave Sources: Cube Escape Wikia, Touch Arcade, Rusty Lake  

Walks Into A Bar Jokes – Funny Jokes

A Man Walks Into A Bar Jokes

You’ve heard ‘a man walks into a bar’ jokes forever, even before you were of legal drinking age. Walking into a bar is apparently hilarious. Actually, it isn’t, BUT the punchlines derived from ‘walks into a bar’ are! The setup is so simple: the punchline is usually a play on words combined with many other variables, like the ‘man’ that walks into a bar can be a woman, a sandwich, or a unicorn. It doesn’t matter as long as the old-school setup of ‘walks into a bar’ is the same distinct theme. Here are our favorite ‘walks into a bar’ jokes!

A Drunk Walks Into a Bar…

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best sex in town!”

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!”

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mom liked it!”

Finally the guy interrupts. “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk!”

Source

A Man Walks Into a Bar…

The bartender says, “Congratulations, you are our thousandth customer! Enjoy this complimentary beer.”

Man: “Hey, thanks!”

Bartender: “Of course, and it’s only five dollars!”

Man: “I thought you said it was complimentary?”

Bartender: “It is.”

Beer: “You have beautiful eyes.”

reddit/user/Ayru_

A Gorilla Walks Into a Bar…

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, “What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink.” So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can’t believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.

So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he’s standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, “Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything.”

So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn’t say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can’t take it anymore.

“You know,” he says to the gorilla, “we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”

And the gorilla says, “At nineteen dollars a drink I’m not surprised.”

reddit/user/Zs2k

A Duck Walks Into a Bar…

Says to the bar tender, “I’d like to buy some peanuts.” Bartender says, “Sorry, don’t sell peanuts.” The duck leaves.

Next day, duck walks into the bar, “I want to buy some peanuts.” Bartender replies, “I already told you I don’t sell peanuts!” The duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, “I want to buy some peanuts!” Bartender yells back, “I told you, I don’t sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I’ll nail you to the wall!” So the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, “Do you have any nails?” Bartender says, “Sorry, don’t have nails.” Duck asks, “Do you have any peanuts?”

Source

A Man Walks into a Bar…

He tells the waitress, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary and a menu.”

When she returns with his drink, he asks “Still servin’ breakfast?”

When she says yes, he replies, “Then I’ll have two eggs- runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon ON END- well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee.”

Indignantly the waitress says, “We don’t serve that kinda stuff in here!”

The man says, “Funny… that’s what I had in here yesterday…”

Source

A Man Walks Into a Bar…

Goes up to the bartender, and asks for a beer. The bartender stops him, and says “Well, before you order, let me tell you about our special.”

He directs the man’s attention down to the end of the bar, where there are two huge chunks of meat hanging on meat hooks.

“If you can run down to the end of the bar, jump up, and take a bite out of one of those pieces of meat, you get to drink free here for the rest of your life. But I’ll warn you, if you try it and fail, you have to buy all of the drinks for the rest of the bar all night.”

The man replies “Well, let me think about it. Mind if I take a look?” The bartender lets him, so he saunters down to the end of the bar, and takes a nice, long look at the hanging meat, before turning around and coming back.

“Nah, I think I’ll just order a beer.”

“Alright, but just curious… why aren’t you taking the challenge?”

“Buddy, the steaks are just too high.”

reddit/user/catsfanuk87

Monkey Memes

Monkey Pickles Makes the Case for Primate Memes Everything is better when monkeys and bananas are involved. That extends to things like internet memes. Forget about LOLcats or Rickrolling, the best memes of the internet involve either some sort of primate or boomerang-shaped fruit. We are Monkey Pickles so we might be a little bit biased. But once you see the memes listed below, you could very well agree that monkeys, bananas and goofballs like those found at Monkey Pickles make the internet (and the world) a better place. Exhibit A: Banana chasing a gorilla (Also gorilla chasing a banana) We’re not sure when the first Person-in-a-Gorilla-Suit vs. Person-in-a-Banana-Suit video appeared on the internet, but this is one of the earliest that we could find. Its not the only one, though. A quick search of videos on YouTube and other places results in dozens of them, culminating most recently with a random person dressed as a banana hurling himself at an unsuspecting Wireless Center employee in Strongsville, Ohio, who’s “uniform” was a gorilla costume. The banana split, never to be found. The gorilla was mostly unharmed, but a little unnerved that the food chain had been so abruptly reversed. Exhibit B: Bananaphone This is a somewhat old internet meme. The song has been around since 1994, but after that little video was posted in 2004, it has been spun into different media, including radio and television. It has been said listening to and watching a Bananaphone creation can cheer up a sad sap. Exhibit C: Baby Monkey Riding Backwards on a Pig So, how cute is that? Of course this was turned into an internet meme! Search for “baby monkey riding a pig” and spoofs galore are revealed, including many amusing images, t-shirts and other videos. This monkey-related internet meme has been so intriguing, it has been turned into an adorable video game available to iPhone users. Exhibit D: Peanut Butter Jelly Time The internet meme that won’t die. This animated gif is hilarious to some, annoying to others, and a little of both to many, many more. Many variations have popped since 2002, when it was first posted on the internet. It even made it into an episode of “The Family Guy,” with Brian the dog singing the song while dancing in a banana suit and shaking maracas (Let’s also not forget the famous Evil Monkey that lived in Chris’ closet, as its own monkey-related meme within that show. Monkeys are everywhere, even hiding in your closet, pointing at you and giving you the heebie-jeebies!). Exhibit E: Chimp Drives a Segway The title says it all. Need we say more? After this video hit the internet, people went wild with it, making their own version of the video, spoof images, t-shirts, even dressing up as “Chimp on a Segway” for Halloween. Really, you know you’ve hit internet meme gold when people begin to interpret it into a Halloween costume! Exhibit F: The Monkey Tail Finally, the most recent monkey meme to hit the internet and reality. This trend started in January of this year with The Monkey Tail blog. Since then, new photos of guys (and even some gals) sporting monkey tail beards have popped up on the internet. Men with uneven facial hair have rejoiced at their newfound beard option. It even made an appearance at the royal wedding. Clearly, monkeys and bananas make things better. We rest our case! Do you have any ideas for a Monkey Pickles internet meme?

How to Make a Tutu

For as long as you can remember, you thought that tutus were the coolest thing ever. The opportunity to wear a tutu was the only reason you took all those ballet classes. The only problem is, you can’t dance to save your life. Saying you have two left feet would be a generous appraisal of your dancing abilities. Last time you tried to dance, you spent the last couple of minutes of it wondering what all of those ambulances were doing in front of your house. It turned out that neighbors had seen you dancing your heart out and thought you were dying. But what you understand now as an adult is that you do not need to dance in order to wear a tutu. You can just wear a tutu for the sake of wearing a tutu. And you don’t even have to buy it in a store and have to deal with judgmental people wondering why a grown man would want an extra large tutu. You can make your very own! In order to make a tutu that you can wear 24/7 until you smell like you actually have died, you just need the following supplies:
  • Tulle or another type of stiff material
  • Paint
  • Ribbon
  • Measuring tape
  • Scissors
Once you have all that, you are that much closer to having the tutu of your dreams!

How to Make a Tutu – Choose Your Place on the Rainbow

The first thing that you need to do is gather tulle and ribbon. If you haven’t been able to find tulle, you can marinate some napkins in egg yolks or slimy garbage and let them dry, allowing them to become stiff yet pliable. You want the material that you use to be the very best color for you. Whether you’re using tulle or stuff that anyone else would see as garbage, it may be very hard to find material that is the right color. You’re the only person you have ever known that likes the color that is made when you mix traffic cone orange and lavender. So in order to make the material the right color, dump the paint of your choice all over it and smear it so that it covers all of the tulle or dirty napkins.

How to Make a Tutu – Take Your Measurements

What’s the point of making a tutu if you won’t even be able to wear it? Obviously, you will need to make your tutu so that it fits around you, not your sister’s new baby. You might wish you had the same waistline as said new baby, but alas, you do not. So take that measuring tape and measure your waist. Whatever it ends up being is the amount of ribbon you are going to need to go around your waist. If you want, you can add an additional length of ribbon for not only the bow you will have to tie but to accommodate any weight that you are going to gain from your new love for peanut butter and jelly pasta.

How to Make a Tutu – Cut from the Right Cloth

Now, it’s time to cut the ribbon, and cut a bunch of strips of the material. When you are cutting the tulle/dirty napkins, cut them into really thick strips so that you have the biggest, fullest, most flamboyant tutu possible. Normal instructions would recommend six inches, but why stop there? Make them as wide as possible, even wider than the length of the ribbon if you want. Make them so wide that you’ll end up having to wrap each piece all the way around the length of the ribbon. This may make the process incredibly difficult, but the end result should be worth it.

How to Make a Tutu – Tying Up Loose Ends

Now, it’s time to take all of your materials and actually make a tutu. Take one of the strips of fabric/dirty napkin you have created and fold it in half over the ribbon. Then, tie it into a knot so that you have both ends of it sticking out. Repeat the process with all of your strips of material. Or, if you’ve always preferred to do things assembly-line style, just put all of the strips on at once and then tie the knots. Of course, each strip of fabric would have other ones getting in its way while you’re doing it, but who cares if you sacrifice efficiency for the sake of efficiency, right?

How to Make a Tutu – Check You Out, You Tutu-Wearing Dynamo!

Once you’ve got all the strips of material on the ribbon, you are free to tie it around your waist and make a big pretty bow (or just an ugly plain knot, if you want a more masculine tutu). And now, you get to look at yourself in the mirror and see how amazing you look in your new creation! And it’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of…mostly. It doesn’t smell all that great, considering that dirty napkins went into its making. And the problem with the color you chose is that since no one likes that color, you don’t have any clothes in that color that would actually go with your tutu. But that’s okay! Simply dump the same color of paint all over your clothes, and you’ll be good to go!  

Household Uses for Vodka

Vodka means different things to different people. For a bartender, it’s just one of the staples that is there to make all sorts of mixed drinks, along with gin, rum, tequila, and pickle juice. If you’re someone who just likes to unwind after a long day, alcohol feels like your salvation. If this is the case then it’s really important that you make sure that you have alcohol in the house, particularly if you know that you are going to have a long day at some point. You can easily go to your local shop, or if you would prefer to have it delivered to your home, you could go online and shop at The Bottle Club, as this way you might get a bit more choice. Whatever it means to you in the context of your life, vodka is something that is seriously underutilized. There are all sorts of household uses for vodka that will have you loving it even more than you already do. And that’s saying something, considering that you already have a shrine to vodka right in the doorway of your home.

Kill That Cold!

You likely know that alcohol is really good at killing infections. And you also likely know that vodka is a type of alcohol. So by the transitive properties of booze, vodka is really good at killing infections. While most people only really apply this principle to skin infections that form around cuts and bruises, why not take it one step further and use it to attack internal infections as well? Next time you have a stomach bug that is making you throw up everything you have eaten in the last decade or a nasty cold that is making your head feel like it is going to give birth to little baby brains, just go ahead and chug some vodka! If it kills those microorganisms in your cuts, why wouldn’t it help kill the infection that’s making your life a living hell right now? Of course, there is the off chance that the vodka will just make things worse, interact with your cold medicine, or dehydrate you when you really need fluids. But if it could help stop that infection in his tracks, isn’t that a risk that is worth taking?

Disinfect Your Swimming Pool!

You love swimming more than anything else in the world. That outdoor pool is the whole reason you bought your house, even though it is across the street from a monkey cemetery and you have that odd neighbor who painted the interior and exterior of his house bright red just to scare people. That swimming pool was literally worth all of the stress in your surroundings. It is big and spacious and a great place where you can unwind after stressful days at the toenail necklace factory. The only thing is, you forgot to put chlorine in it for a couple of years, and now that swimming pool has turned into a cesspool. It is full of all sorts of dead leaves, insects, even a raccoon carcass here and there. That pool is in dire need of a disinfectant. Knowing that vodka is great at disinfecting things, why not try pouring one or a few or a thousand bottles into your pool? Even if it doesn’t work, you’re bound to swallow some water when you’re swimming in that nasty pool, and given that the water is now part vodka, being in there will be a lot less unpleasant!

Beat the Heat!

You may think that alcohol warms you up. And it feels like it does. That’s why all those crazy college kids get drunk before jumping into freezing water when their teams win games or when they are trying to complete initiations into those weird clubs that call themselves by Greek letters. But the truth is that your body is lying to you in those situations. It might as well be telling you that apples are a type of cardboard box. Actually, even though your body feels warmer, alcohol actually takes heat away from your core. So instead of using it to create fake warmth on a cold day, why not use it to cool yourself down for real on a warm day? Sure, it’ll feel like you’re just heating yourself up and dehydrating yourself, but you’ll know that you’re actually cooling yourself down, and that should count for something very important.

Impress the Neighbors!

If you are a big drinker, you likely know that alcohol often goes in the freezer. And a great thing about it is that it doesn’t solidify when it’s in the freezer. It just becomes really, really cold liquid. So what you can do if you have neighbors who aren’t particularly impressed by you is invite them over and pour a bunch of water for them to drink. The kicker is that it’s not really going to be water that you’re pouring. You’re going to be pouring vodka! And you will pour an extra glass of “water” for the neighbor whom you know is not actually going to show up because he’s too busy refinishing his bright red shutters. Then, when he doesn’t show up, you’re going to put that glass into the freezer for later. A couple of hours later, while your neighbors are sitting around your living room and talking about pink elephants and blue bamboo, you will take that extra glass of “water” out of the freezer. Before they actually see what’s in the glass, you will run your hands over it and tell them that you are unfreezing it with your hands because you have magical powers. Then, you’ll show them the moving, swishing liquid. They’ll be so zonked out from the alcohol and the conversation about colored animals and plants that they will totally buy it and be completely in awe of you for the rest of time.

Bananadine, aka Smoking Banana Peels

Many men and women were convinced that bananas contained Bananadine, a supposedly psychedelic drug extracted from banana peels. New York University disproved that theory, but it doesn’t mean it couldn’t be a placebo *cough*.  

Blue Jeans. Blog Worthy?

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My jeans, and my skin care products.

I can deal with losing anything else. BUT, if I could no longer find my jeans, and if, heaven forbid, they should stop making my skin care products, I JUST MIGHT DIE. Okay, maybe I won’t DIE. But, for sure, I will be OUT OF SORTS. COMPLETELY.

Well, I am officially, completely, out of sorts.

Once upon a time, a reputable clothing company made the most BRILLIANT jeans. They camouflaged all of my flaws, leading the world to believe (and practically convincing ME) that I had long, slender, beautiful legs. Not to mention, they complimented my ass(ets). Friends would ask me, “Where do you get your jeans?” Weeks later, modeling their newly purchased denim threads, they would thank me, declaring, “These jeans have changed my life!” BUT(T), sadly, this story does not end with a “happily ever after”. For, when I went to the store where I normally shop, I could not find them. When I asked the sales clerk, she smiled, and in an overly-perky, overly-enthusiastic, overly-compensating way, she said, “You just did not recognize them, because we have IMPROVED them for the benefit of our customers.” Improved??? Benefit??? WHAT customers??? I want names.

I’ll tell you what REALLY happened.

Victims of “fashion pressure”, they caved in, they gave up . . . THEY CONFORMED. Without asking permission, they CHANGED my jeans, giving them names like “SKINNY” and “TAPERED”-names that I had always tried to AVOID. These new imposters felt tighter around my thighs, made my legs look shorter, and most certainly, did NOT compliment my ass(ets). I’d like to see that sales clerk try to squeeze HER ass(ets) into a pair of skinny jeans. Sadly, I left the store empty-handed. I am now in search of a new “perfect fit”. Maybe not “life-or-death”, but definitely “blog worthy”.            

Love Is A Marathon, Part 7: It’s Curtains For Bob

Previously, on Love Is A Marathon: Lillian has caught Instructor with another woman, and she’s considering marrying some curtains and other drapery instead of seeking human companionship. Her mother tried to convince her that the extra boogers on the curtains weren’t worth the trouble.

Read comics online, Love Is A Marathon, Monkey Pickles, cartoon popovers, funny comics, funny pics & vidsWe hope you enjoyed Love Is A Marathon; thanks for reading!

Mauve-ing On Up

It is not November at all !!!

November has been usurped by Movember.Surprised pumpkin
Recent articles have urged you, dear readers, to ‘remember, remember the fifth of November.’Little did I realize at the time how prophetic my warning was.

Julius Caesar would turn in his grave …

or his salad … or toss in his salad … Okay, probably not that last one … that’s not a nice image. Anyhow, Julius was very particular about months so how would he react to this sudden change to the institution that he loved, possibly above all things including sausages ? I’d like to think he would take the news quite well.I believe Julius will have realized that Movember is an unofficial title and a fun, effective way of raising awareness about prostate cancer and other cancers affecting men that we avoid educating ourselves to in the same way that you just don’t ask for directions when you’re lost.

Julius would have been against direcrtile dysfunction

and be in favor of people getting the requisite prostate exams. Not because he had an invasive procedure fetish ( not only a pretty bad fetish that wouldn’t get too far on a site like https://www.hdpornvideo.xxx/?hl=de, but there is no evidence for that anyway ) but because you don’t make Caesar unless you make good decisions …. and have fresh lettuce.
One thing might bother Julius, however. He would, of course, support the message and the spirit of Movember but undoubtedly it would irk him that only the M of Movember sounds anything like mustache.
So how to make this ensemble of media visibility, health awareness, November and fun filled community spirit a more cohesive force ?
The inevitable conclusion Julius would logically arrive at would, of course, be to grow your mustache … and then to dye it a striking shade of mauve.
 

Mauve-mber! … Now I get it. Thank you strange hairy man. I will go book my prostate exam straight away.

It is just a thought … but if you want to support this cause and you fear your charitable mustache will be lost among the existing mustache community, what better way for it to stand out than to dye it mauve?
You won’t look weird because it is a charity mustache, and if you were worried that growing a mustache will put you at risk of being kidnapped by The Village People whom may condemn you to a life of revival gig servitude, then dying your mustache mauve would ruin their nefarious plans.
Let face it, many old ladies have unwittingly championed mauve hair for years … and I’m not going to tell them it looks bad. … Some of those handbags hurt. I swear, they’re full of rocks or something.
 

So let’s see your best mauves.

The best mauve mustache may win a prize.
It’s not too late to be a facial hair hero.
Disclaimer : Prizes may entirely consist of non-existent lettuce leaves ( postage & packaging not included also on the basis of being non-existent. )
You can support research if you like but raising awareness is just as important.
Footnote : Lettuce is not necessary for a prostate exam.