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How To Use A French Press Properly

In recent years, the French press has come into vogue as a popular tool for making perfectly brewed cups of fresh-ground coffee. Why are people using a French press to make coffee of all things? We have no clue.

Any experienced chef will tell you (not that we asked any, but just trust us on this one) that the real purpose of a French press is for making French toast, French dressing, and french fries. [For all you pedants out there, “french fries” is lowercase because “french” refers to the style of cut, not the nation.]

Look, “coffee” doesn’t even have the word “French” in it! How these people decided you should make coffee in a French press is beyond us. Start calling coffee “French tea” and we’ll reconsider.

Making French Toast

Making French toast in your French press is a lot simpler than it looks. All you really need to do is crack some eggs into your French press with a few drops of vanilla and some milk. Mash the plunger up and down to beat the mixture together, pour it into a frying pan, and boom, you’ve got yourself some French toast!

We know what you’re asking: Why is it called French “toast” if there’s no toasted bread in it? Allow us to answer that question with another question: Who are you, Bobby Flay? Get off our backs.

Making French Fries

Head on down to your nearest kitchen supplies store and get a julienne slicing attachment for your French press. Unscrew the filter, attach the slicer, and start hacking your potatoes into french fries! Now all you have to do is take your julienned potatoes to a local diner and ask if they’ll fry them up for you, because it’s dangerous to keep a deep fryer at home.

Making French Dressing

We haven’t finished experimenting with this one yet. Get back to us after we’ve had a little more time to do some research.

p.s. Making Coffee (French Tea)

If you insist on misusing a French press for brewing coffee, it’s as simple as putting a tablespoon of coarse-ground beans in the press with a cup of boiling water and waiting for eight minutes before pressing the handle down. But we don’t advise this, and if you burn yourself boiling the water or lose a finger in the coffee grinder, we will deny under oath that we had anything to do with it.

Monkey Pickles
Monkey Pickles
Monkey Pickles is a fun social media humor community centered on everyday nonsense. We base our humor in our community, reactions and comments. We enjoy building a community of friends not just followers. If you haven't laughed yet today, something is wrong!
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