How To Be A Millionaire – Made Easy!

piggy bankMay 20th is the official “Be A Millionaire Day”. Not just anybody can be a millionaire (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to be one?). Here is a infallible, step by step list of how to be a millionaire. Step One: Pretend you have investments Pour over your financials with a fine-tooth comb. Not satisfied with your bank balance? Let’s pretend to do research about the pros and cons of investing. And hey, every millionaire had to start somewhere. Step Two: Buy a smoking pipe and blow bubbles out of it It’s one thing to be a millionaire, another to look like one. Step Three: Become a pro gambler overnight Go to your locally Native American owned Casino, bet a whopping $10.  Lose all but $.01. Frame the ticket and put in your cubicle at work as a reminder that all millionaires require a bit of prudence with their money. Step Four: Wear a top hat and monocle. Enough Said. Step Five: Search Wikihow or Howto Articles for Becoming a Millionaire. Because the millionaires wrote those articles Step Six: Dress your dog, cat or respective pet as a butler. Sit, stay, okay now pass out the hors d’oeuvres. Step Seven: Fine Dining and Smaller Portion Sizes 7. Put a cracker on your plate, drizzle some caramel syrup. Now you’re eating gourmet! Bon appetit Step Eight: Rinse and Repeat.

Can You Eat Too Many Bananas?

You actually can eat too many bananas, but it takes hundreds to be fatal. To get a better idea of their potency and the potential dangers involved, here’s the story of George Trickle.


George Trickle dreamed of retiring on a beach in the Bahamas, but he was not rich. He had always been a somewhat ruthless type, so he decided the easiest way was to become an assassin. After a few jobs, he could follow his dream. The problem was his fear of guns, so he had to find another way. One day, he heard about a man who died from eating too many bananas, and the wheels started turning. A murder without a weapon — brilliant! George had a plan and only needed a target. He decided to tack an indiscreet note to the bulletin board at a high-end beauty salon. “Murder without a weapon,” his note read. George figured he would find an unhappy wife with a husband in the way, and he wasn’t disappointed. Two days later, he received a call from Delilah Schmoop. She would pay him $50,000 to take care of her husband, Earl. The date was set for the next Monday when she was out of town. George went to work by scouting the house and buying bananas and duct tape. When Monday came, George was ready. He was scared but pushed forward with his mind on the beach. He entered by the backdoor, which was unlocked as promised. George went in and prepared for Earl’s arrival. He hauled the boxes of bananas into the library along with a straight-backed chair borrowed from the dining room. Then he waited. When he heard tires crunching on the driveway, George readied himself behind the door with a club in hand. Earl stepped into the room, shut the door, turned around and took a blow to the forehead. George flipped on the light and found Earl sprawled on the floor. Grabbing his feet, George dragged him to the library and into the chair, where he taped his hands and feet. As he finished, Earl woke up and started yelling. George knew it was time to get to work. Earl was pretty confused when George stuffed the first banana in his mouth. He tried to spit it out at first, but Earl pushed his jaw shut. What the heck, it’s just a banana, Earl thought. So he chewed it a couple times and swallowed quickly. “What’s goin-” he started to ask, but another banana came in as soon as he opened his mouth. It continued in this way for a while. Earl had always enjoyed the occasional banana and didn’t really mind. Maybe this guy just gets some weird pleasure from this. It could be way worse, he thought. Earl decided to humor him and keep eating. After about 30 bananas, Earl was full and feeling a little drowsy. George shook him awake, but after a few more, he was gone. Earl dropped off to sleep with a satisfied grin on his face. (George didn’t know bananas have a small amount of tryptophan. Tryptophan can cause drowsiness in large quantities, the same way it affects people after eating a big Thanksgiving dinner.) George wasn’t sure what to do next. He couldn’t stuff more bananas in Earl’s mouth to choke him because it would leave evidence. He slapped him harder and yelled, but nothing moved the snoozing man. George banged pots and pans next to his ear and blared the television, but still Earl snored. Just as he raised his hand to slap Earl another good one, the door burst open! A concerned citizen had called the cops about all the noise George was making. He saw the officers and turned to run, but he slipped on a banana peel and hit his head. George went to jail in traction, and Earl woke hours later feeling completely rested. Earl’s wife ran off with the gardener. Earl couldn’t eat bananas for years. And George “Banana Boy” Trickle spent the rest of his life in prison, wishing he hadn’t told his cellmates what his crime was.

What’s In My Pocket?

Of Course !  No Wonder I Was So Pleased See Everyone Today.
pocket bananas

Daily Random Thought No. 723

If you were out at a bar called Ray’s and everyone there was enjoying themselves so much that they started chanting the name of the establishment in appreciation, would the next person to walk in think the bar staff were poorly paid?

More Amazingly Accurate Banana Reviews: Part II

We just can’t get enough banana reviews; yes, that’s a thing. Instagram account bananareview reviews… can you guess?… BANANAS! Great job. #realbananaguy is the Instagrammer behind bananareview, and we love his dedication to the craft of reviewing the best fruit out there. (We’re still talking about bananas, btw). “What is!? Could be glistening #mermaid of tasty #fruit? Is magic #bananafish of legend, come grant me my #wish?”
“Look at the big #dog eyes… look they say, “What, I don’t steal your #human food. I’m just soft #pillow guy that poop on beach.””

#NOOOOOO! This is what I get, #sucked in by the soft ear and plushy #tummy. Look at the big #dog eyes… look they say, “What, I don’t steal your #human food. I”m just soft #pillow guy that poop on beach.” #Whoa! I fooled again! Sometimes even #realbananaguy gets caught up in the #snuggle and the #cuddle. Carried away in the #fluff yet debonair attitude of the #posh dog. AND I HAVE PAID WITH #BANANA! Oh yes, #bananafam… this #savage has firm control over my precious fruit, and it will meet a weird, four-legged end. Was it worth it, to lose the #fresh 4/5 #banana to spend quality time with #dog supreme? The heart might say yes, but the #tumtum says no… #bananatrap #tricked #george #thief #lilbatpig #imashamed #diet #dogs #beach #cryingwithadogonthebeach #harrystyles

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“If to love the 4/5 #bananscore is crime, then put me away!”
“I’m #RipeOrDie for my main bunch, but after that it’s all about the #bananjamins!”

OH #SNAPS my #bananafam! Ya’ll know who’s #freshest in #banana game. Who’s got that #ripe #fruitflow that got all the produce sections #poppin and all the ladies generally staying away altogether? That right, is #realbananaguy. Oh yes, I’m #RipeOrDie for my main bunch, but after that it’s all about the #bananjamins! Some people/college advisors might not respect the #street cred of the #banana. They might see its warm yellow curve as a “borderline dangerous distraction” from reality. But they #hatin cuz they hungry! Whoa. See how I be getting that paper? See how my Dad left his wallet out and I took a #swagpic? See how I’m crying softly onto my phone as I eat this 4/5 #ballinbanana? No, you don’t because it’s dark in this bathroom. #BALLIN! #bananaballer #cashmoney #sorry #dad #grounded #swag #diet #fit #actualdebt #dreambig #cryendlessly #gucci

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“See how it sits like dignified #fruitlord? Reign over other peasant snacks.”

#Honor. It come in many forms. Hold in your sneeze next to old ladies? Is honor. #Dad let you watch #Fast and Furioust? HONOR. Keep that a secret from mom? Ya sneaky honor. Honor is how you honor the things that are important. That why the noble munch, the righteous #banana, gets place of honor in cart. See how it sits like dignified #fruitlord? Reign over other peasant snacks. Look at the majestic peels, perched aloft like lofty crown on groceries of yore. #Whoa, other shoppers stop and stare and hold their kids while I take #honorpics and sing holy #fruithymns. Glory to thee, 5/5 #bananascore. May you rule from the top of the cart #forever until you’re on my counter, Amen. #bananaristocracy #fame #naturalorder #onelove #fit #cool #goodtimes #mikesflipflop #perfect #nutrition #harrystyles #alone

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“#Realbananguy lives for the weekend because it’s a time to cut loose, to munch #banana unashamed and “be yourself.””

How to Make a Tutu

For as long as you can remember, you thought that tutus were the coolest thing ever. The opportunity to wear a tutu was the only reason you took all those ballet classes. The only problem is, you can’t dance to save your life. Saying you have two left feet would be a generous appraisal of your dancing abilities. Last time you tried to dance, you spent the last couple of minutes of it wondering what all of those ambulances were doing in front of your house. It turned out that neighbors had seen you dancing your heart out and thought you were dying. But what you understand now as an adult is that you do not need to dance in order to wear a tutu. You can just wear a tutu for the sake of wearing a tutu. And you don’t even have to buy it in a store and have to deal with judgmental people wondering why a grown man would want an extra large tutu. You can make your very own! In order to make a tutu that you can wear 24/7 until you smell like you actually have died, you just need the following supplies:
  • Tulle or another type of stiff material
  • Paint
  • Ribbon
  • Measuring tape
  • Scissors
Once you have all that, you are that much closer to having the tutu of your dreams!

How to Make a Tutu – Choose Your Place on the Rainbow

The first thing that you need to do is gather tulle and ribbon. If you haven’t been able to find tulle, you can marinate some napkins in egg yolks or slimy garbage and let them dry, allowing them to become stiff yet pliable. You want the material that you use to be the very best color for you. Whether you’re using tulle or stuff that anyone else would see as garbage, it may be very hard to find material that is the right color. You’re the only person you have ever known that likes the color that is made when you mix traffic cone orange and lavender. So in order to make the material the right color, dump the paint of your choice all over it and smear it so that it covers all of the tulle or dirty napkins.

How to Make a Tutu – Take Your Measurements

What’s the point of making a tutu if you won’t even be able to wear it? Obviously, you will need to make your tutu so that it fits around you, not your sister’s new baby. You might wish you had the same waistline as said new baby, but alas, you do not. So take that measuring tape and measure your waist. Whatever it ends up being is the amount of ribbon you are going to need to go around your waist. If you want, you can add an additional length of ribbon for not only the bow you will have to tie but to accommodate any weight that you are going to gain from your new love for peanut butter and jelly pasta.

How to Make a Tutu – Cut from the Right Cloth

Now, it’s time to cut the ribbon, and cut a bunch of strips of the material. When you are cutting the tulle/dirty napkins, cut them into really thick strips so that you have the biggest, fullest, most flamboyant tutu possible. Normal instructions would recommend six inches, but why stop there? Make them as wide as possible, even wider than the length of the ribbon if you want. Make them so wide that you’ll end up having to wrap each piece all the way around the length of the ribbon. This may make the process incredibly difficult, but the end result should be worth it.

How to Make a Tutu – Tying Up Loose Ends

Now, it’s time to take all of your materials and actually make a tutu. Take one of the strips of fabric/dirty napkin you have created and fold it in half over the ribbon. Then, tie it into a knot so that you have both ends of it sticking out. Repeat the process with all of your strips of material. Or, if you’ve always preferred to do things assembly-line style, just put all of the strips on at once and then tie the knots. Of course, each strip of fabric would have other ones getting in its way while you’re doing it, but who cares if you sacrifice efficiency for the sake of efficiency, right?

How to Make a Tutu – Check You Out, You Tutu-Wearing Dynamo!

Once you’ve got all the strips of material on the ribbon, you are free to tie it around your waist and make a big pretty bow (or just an ugly plain knot, if you want a more masculine tutu). And now, you get to look at yourself in the mirror and see how amazing you look in your new creation! And it’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of…mostly. It doesn’t smell all that great, considering that dirty napkins went into its making. And the problem with the color you chose is that since no one likes that color, you don’t have any clothes in that color that would actually go with your tutu. But that’s okay! Simply dump the same color of paint all over your clothes, and you’ll be good to go!  

Hold The Mayo (And Save A Life: His)!


He has been living in Sacramento,

California for about five months now after moving here from his Midwestern hometown. The differences he has encountered are legion and would take tens of thousands of words to document. Since moving to Sac in Cali(he thinks talking that way makes him sound all California-cool), he has started writing articles for a local online “newspaper”, the Sacramento Press. He writes about various things, most having to do with the culture shock he has experience since moving. Recently, he wrote a 500+ work article on California’s apparent obsession with mayonnaise as a condiment. After reading what he had wrote, it made him pause and question the state of his current sanity!

Yes, you are not having delusions,

at least not any caused by his article or mine. You read the words correctly. A 553 word article on mayonnaise as a condiment. We are not talking about mayonnaise in potato salad or tuna salad or egg salad. We are talking about mayonnaise on the buns which hold your hamburger, on the buns that hold your hot dogs, spread on the bread which holds sandwiches of various kinds. His roommate even uses mayonnaise with french fries the way that most people use ketchup with fries(like a normal person). She jokes that if terrorists or a hit man(is it more politically correct to say hit person?) wanted to get to her(why either would want to do so, I have no idea), they would get to her by slipping a poison into her jar of mayonnaise. Since she is the one doing most of the meal preparation in the house, this means that he may become an innocent bystander taken out by her hypothetical terrorists and hit men(hit people?).

He doesn’t want to be rude and not eat what she prepares.

That, and the fact that his food prep skills are limited to PB&J and Ramen soup primarily. But he also doesn’t want to die at the hands of mayo-poisoning terrorists. Once he figures out how to handle this touchy subject, he may move on to his next big project—ending her crusade to get him to eat things like beets and squash and enjoy them.    

Second Chance Addictions


Instead of a pot filled with gold,

one thrift store in Seattle got a bag filled with pot. (Link Here) At an undisclosed store an employee found a 2.5 pound bag of some sweet ganja. Now sure some are thinking, ‘Well that’s dumb. How can that help anyone?’ While some others are thinking ‘Sometimes, all you need is weed.’ While they’re quickly getting their rolling papers out to start building a fat one.  

Mr. Jeromia Dooblin, a frequent thrift store shopper

has taken this dubious (or doobious) event and decided to branch out with it. Dooblin has decided to open his own thrift store that specializes in used and unused drug and alcohol paraphernalia.  

“It’s going to be called ‘SECOND CHANCE ADDICTIONS.”

Dooblin said. “Why waste any unused pot, booze, cigarets, or any other drugs just cause someone may be quitting.” the store owner explained. But isn’t that part of the addiction recovery process? Dooblin paused scratched his bushy red beard and took a puff of his cigar. “Sure I guess. But why throw it all away when someone else may can use it? And sometimes the addict relapses. They can come into my store and buy it back for half of what they first spent.” So what is ‘Second Chance Additions’ accepting?
  • Marijuana, any size amount.
  • Alcohol of all kinds. Used and unused. (alcohol is self sanitizing the store owner explained)
  • Flasks, beer mugs, beer holders, and kegs all new or used
  • Bongs any kind, bubblers, pipes, herb grinders, papers all new or used
  • Cigaret packs full or half, cartons, tobacco, rolling papers, cigars, and smoking pipes new or used
  • NO illegal drugs or paraphernalia

Is ‘Second Chance Addictions’

taking advantage or exploiting addicts and their problems? “Hey, we’re all addicted to something.” Dooblin said. “I think we make too big a deal out so called addictions.” Dooblin continued making quotation marks with his pudgy fingers. They continued, “I feel like live and let live. Don’t make outcasts out of these people. They’re grown, and should be able to get a deal on some goods if they can.”

Dooblin drove me to the building where

the new drug and alcohol thrift store was going to be. I asked while looking over the just being renovated building, if he had or will he be purchasing licenses to sell these products. Dooblin was quite for a long moment. He looked hard at me with his beady blue eyes and said, “Ah dang!”      

One Day, A Man’s Wife Disappeared In A Boating Accident…


Funny Joke Of The Day

One day, a man’s wife disappeared in a boating accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia. The day after his wife disappeared in the bay, the man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. “We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties. “Tell me! Did you find her!?” the husband shouted. The Mounties looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?” Fearing the worst, the ashen-faced husband said, “Give me the bad news first.” The second Mountie said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.” “Oh my god!” exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?” The Mountie continued, “When we pulled her up, she had six 25 lb snow crabs and 12 big lobsters clinging to her.” Stunned, the husband demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news?!” The Mountie answered, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”  

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

  (Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

Household Uses for Shaving Cream

There are probably a few things that you can think of doing with shaving cream. It looks so much like whipped cream that you have probably been tempted to prank your friends by putting shaving cream on their ice cream sundaes instead of the whipped cream that they love more than life itself. Or just having crazy shaving cream fights and falling all over the mess of shaving cream on your floor while talking about Humpty Dumpty and how his fall was so much more harmful than yours. But that’s child’s play. There are much better things that you can do with shaving cream, the following being just a few of them.

Fake Old Age!

Outside of pretending to be old enough to watch R-rated movies and have a few drinks at your favorite bar, you’re probably wondering why on earth anyone would actually pretend to be older. Well, there are lots of reasons. You could really love that residential building that is located next to the peacock feather picture frame store and across the street from that store that sells those splendiferous hats made of paper clips. Your heart sank all the way to the core of the earth when you made a visit to that building and were told that it was only for senior citizens. But your heart has been set on that building for a long time. So you decided that you would pretend to be a senior citizen to get in. The only problem is that with your flawless skin and big childlike eyes, no one is going to believe that you’re a senior citizen. So what you have to do is show them a head full of white hair. Use shaving cream to sculpt any white hairstyle you want. A beehive, a mullet, a mohawk, whatever you want. Bonus points if you can do a beard too and convince them you’re Santa Claus!

Get Rid of Cat Hair!

Pretty much everyone knows that the primary purpose of shaving cream is to get rid of unwanted hair. But who says that this hair needs to be growing out of your body at the time you get rid of it? Why not also use shaving cream to get rid of hair that just happens to be lying around? You just had to get that long-haired cat. The first time you looked into her eyes, you fell in love. But you failed to take into consideration all of the hair she would shed around your home for a good part of every year. And there is a ton of hair. You don’t even remember what color your carpet was before you got this cat, because all you can see on the floor is cat hair. It’s all over your couch too. So here’s what you do. Lather your carpet and couch with shaving cream, get some razors, and shave all of that cat hair out of there. Your home will look just like it did in the old days!

Cover Your Mistakes!

When you were a kid, you had to do all of your work in pencil – so you were able to erase your mistakes. But now, you have to use a pen a lot of the time. And with most pens, you can’t really erase mistakes. You can use white-out, but then you have to keep remembering to buy it at the store, and you’re constantly running out of it. So if you don’t want your boss to know that you wrote about your undying love for rotten turkey gizzards on those expense reports that you need to turn in tomorrow, you should come up with another way to cover up that kind of stuff. Did it ever occur to you that shaving cream is just as white as white-out? It might be harder to use on a piece of paper just because it creates a foam rather than a thin layer of paint, But that doesn’t mean you can’t use it. You just need to put it on there and wait for it to dry. Once it flattens and dries, as long as you use enough of it, it’ll cover those mistakes up just as well as any white-out ever could.

Develop Character!

You’re embarrassed to tell people this, but you just love looking in the mirror. And why wouldn’t you? Ever since you started doing cartwheels down the stairs for an hour every day, you have never been in better shape and have never looked better. But you have always been a very cerebral person, and you are concerned that this change in your looks has made you a vapid, vain person. Considering that you have shaving cream in the bathroom right there where you spend 25 hours a day looking in the mirror, this will be very easy. All you need to do is to smear the mirror with shaving cream. That way, you won’t be able to see in the mirror anymore, and there will really be a no point in even looking at the mirror anymore. You will now be free to resume your life as it was before you turned into a superhuman beauty and be one of the normal human plebeians again.

Pickleball Tournaments and Championships

Pickleball is a game that is gaining traction in the US sports world, as courts and playgrounds are being converted in order to comply with Pickleball court rules and younger generations are picking up paddles in their gym classes. What began as a makeshift badminton game has blown up into a genuine sport with professional players vying for a spot in the top bracket of Pickleball tournaments! We’ve collected some of the most exciting Pickleball moments captured on video!

Pickleball Tournament – Fall Brawl 2015 Mixed Doubles 19+

Watch an amazing around-the-post shot in slo-mo during a Pickleball tournament!

Pickleball Tournament – USAPA Nationals VIII 2016 Men’s Doubles 19+

Watch these Pickleball titans battle it out with mind-boggling talent!

Pickleball Tournament – Grand Canyon State Games 2014 Mixed Doubles 19+

Watch this exciting mixed doubles game in the middle of the action!

Pickleball Tournament – Grand Canyon State Games Men’s Doubles 5.0 Gold Medal Match

Watch this gold medal match right from the court!

US Open Pickleball Championship – Pro Men’s Singles Gold Medal Match 2016

Watch this tiebreaking gold medal singles match!

Sources: Pickleball Channel American Sports Builders Association  

Creative Things You Can Do With a Toupee

You know, everybody seems to make fun of toupees. If a man is found out to be wearing a toupee, he becomes a laughing stock. Remember when George Costanza on Seinfeld wore a toupee? He felt confident and handsome until Elaine ripped it off his head and tossed it out the window of Jerry’s apartment. Which just goes to show you how unimaginative Elaine really is. She could have done any number of creative things with that toupee, including the following:

1. Giant in the Basement Gag

The next time your sister’s kids come to visit, use a toupee to scare the bejeezus out of them. Get yourself some carpet tape (or toupee tape) and adhere the toupee to the kitchen floor. Tell your niece and nephew to tread carefully so they don’t step on the head of the giant, who’s standing in the basement. Tell them if they accidentally do, the giant will come upstairs and eat them for dinner. (Probably best to keep this gag secret from your sister, by the way.)

2. Blind Date Frivolity

If you’re a single woman, you know how torturous it can be to live through a bad blind date. Instead of relying on your friend to give you an “escape” phone call, why not liven up the date with this blind date frivolity? Buy yourself one of those bald head caps they use for costumes and in movies. Get the kind that only makes it look like you have a bald head in the middle, but hair on the sides. Go ahead and put that on. Right there, you’re probably already laughing at how funny you look. Imagine how guys feel! Okay, now cover the bald patch with the toupee and blend it in with your own hair. Now doll yourself up really good so your date can’t believe his good luck when he sets eyes on you. At dinner, when you’ve had enough of hearing stories about his mother, it’s time to make your move. Drop your spoon, and as you bend down to pick it up, let the toupee fall off your head, revealing what he thinks is a bald patch on the top of your head. The reaction from your date will be worth it, trust me. This is going to be a real shocker for the guy, so be prepared for his string of desperate excuses to get out of there. If you can muster up a hurt expression at his shallowness, you deserve an Oscar nomination.

3. Mop Up

Toupees make the best mop heads. That may even be where the term mop head came from, although it’s anybody’s guess. Say you want to give your car a good washing. Don’t waste your money on pricey car mitts. Simply have your wife sew your toupee in half so your hand fits snugly inside. Suds up with some car soap and go to town. The toupee’s soft hairs will lovingly work to wash away all that dandruff road debris and make your ride shiny as new. Don’t be selfish with your toupee. Offer to wash the kitchen floor with it. Just push the toupee along with the end of a mop handle. Nice and easy, there, don’t be in a rush. When you’re finished, you can just leave the wet toupee on the floor if you want to do a wet version of the giant in the basement gag for your wife. Next time you notice someone rocking a bad toupee, instead of giggling inside, why not ask if you can borrow it for a few giggles? You and baldy might just hit it off. You never know.

Beginner Weight-loss Routine Male/Female

If you’re looking for an example of a weight-loss workout routine for the gym, below is a generic routine for women who are beginners in the gym.  These exercises can be split up over the three days with a warm-up of 10 minutes on the treadmill at a moderate walking pace.  Each exercise is only to be done for 1 set unless otherwise stated in the workout.


Smith Machine Squat 15-17 Reps

Flat Bench Dumbbell Press 12-15 Reps

Lying Leg Curl 10-12 Reps

Seated Cable Rows 12-15

Forward Lunge (alternating legs each rep) 15 reps each leg

Shoulder Press (Neutral grip) 12-15 reps

Alternate Seated Dumbbell curls 12-15 Reps

Triceps Cable Pressdowns 12-15 Reps

Seated Calf Raise 30 Reps

Incline Bench Dumbbell Press 12-15 Reps

Side Lunge 15 reps each leg

Step Ups 15 Reps each leg

Assisted Machine Pull-Ups 12-15 Reps

Seated Lateral Raise 12-15 Reps

Seated Leg Curl 10-12 Reps

Dumbbell Hammer Curl 12-15 Reps

Incline Dumbbell Tricep Extensions 12-15 Reps

Standing Calf Raises 12-15 Reps

Reverse Pec-Dec 12-15 Reps

Back Extensions 2 sets of 20-25 Reps

Reverse Crunch 2 sets of 20-25 Reps

Oblique Crunch 2 sets of 20-25 Reps

Straight Crunch 2 sets of 20-25 Reps

Planks 2 sets of 30 seconds


Construction Worker Builds Bridges At Beauty Pageant

New ground was broken this week …

and then fixed by construction worker, Pat Legowski, as he competed in America’s most prestigious beauty pageant. Monkey Pickles put on its monkey suit and took up a VIP invite to the construction site adjacent to the venue to bring you this important story. Sorry CNNN, I guess you’re stuck with ‘Chuck Norris fights time traveling  dinosaurs on the Moon’, ” It may have been an administrative mix up,” commented the radiant construction worker, beaming at having made the televised rounds, ” but it was a wonderful experience and it was great that the organizers allowed me to take part. ” A pageant spokesperson reluctantly admitted, ” It does appear that one of our foreign exchange interns thought that Long Island was an off shore state, like Hawaii or Delaware. The individual did think, however, that Legowski was an unusual name from a contestant for a South Pacific coral atoll but the concerns weren’t flagged up and the mistake wasn’t detected until Pat turned up to compete.” The spokesperson, continuing to speak economically,  nevertheless confirmed that the intern had not been dismissed but had been retrained.

“Dismissal was never an option.”

“The individual is now working with catering, making sure that the contestants get the 53 diet waters & one Megaburger with extra fries that are consumed each day. Our pageant is about seeing the beauty in everyone, warts and all. …. You have nice eyes.” Later on, however, the spokesperson did concede that actual warts could be a disadvantage. Mr. Legowski, however, was far more forthcoming and agreeable about his experience. “I almost fainted when my official invitation arrived in the post. I was thrilled but with such short notice, I couldn’t arrange time off work to prepare. I had to practice my walk and twirls during lunch at the construction site. And let me tell you, it is not easy to turn on a girder 100 feet up in the air when you’re wearing heels and a dress that catches the wind. “ “Work and the guys were really supportive, though. I already had the gown as I had been competing locally for some years, but it was surprising how many colleagues came forward with dresses for me to wear. I didn’t even know that half of those guys were married. It was swell to know I had a great wardrobe for the big night.”

“I was just a baby …

back in the bad old days, but it’s not how it used to be on the construction site. For instance, ya can’t bring ya baby ta work no more. We’re not the lecherous wolf whistling stereotypes of da 80s. Ya still get the whistling but there’s no discrimination now, y’know. Dames, guys, guys dressed as different guys they only dress as on Wednesdays, dogs – ya get a really good reaction from dogs, rabbis … Everyone’s the same, y’know. Everyone is beautiful. ” ” An’ they give ya the love back too. It really gives a guy’s confidence a shot in the arm when he’s catwalking along the skyline with a thermos & a lunchtime burger, when the fire department is called out ’cause someone thought you were a danger to yourself and they start cheering ya on. ”

The Beau Of Long Island …

…continued to enthuse about the pageant ” It was like a building site when I arrived. All the girls were lovely, just like my workmates. I had a hard time believing none of them had construction experience. I would have been delighted whomever won. How could I not feel like a winner ? They gave me the best pedicure I had in years. It was so nice not to have to make do with grouting and an industrial sander.” ” The organizers were great too, They even let me help put up the stage. Y’know, they could of sent me home but said the pageant was all about unity and bringing the world together. So they let me stay, as long as I was okay with a non-competitive role. I was like baseball at the Olympics. A popular inclusion that just needed testing out before awarding medals. I guess it was good press ” When asked about whether the handful of negative comments reported by some news outlets had tarnished the event, Pat said,

“Nina was elegant and dignified,

like a gorilla in a forest clearing. I don’t know why some people dumped on her. They were petty ignorant comments. The winners do such good work raising the profile of charities, drying puppy dog tears and supporting ballet like I do. I too know Nina’s pain. It’s not often but you still get the occasional meanie who’ll yell, ‘ Pal! Hey pal! … There’s a crack on your foundation stone ! … It’s your butt crack ‘ … It’s so uncalled for but, like Nina said, ya have to rise above it. So , that’s why I like to work on the top floor at the site. ” Pat placed a nominal 32nd in the event, pronouncing that he was not at all disappointed. ” The rules prevent me from competing again next year but I think my inclusion this year has broken down barriers & built bridges. I think next year’s pageant could be the most exciting yet. I have the most beautiful chihuahua at home. I think she has a really good chance if I can just find the right outfits.”    

How To Play Five Card Stud

If you are looking forward to starting a poker career or playing poker for fun, then begin by playing Five Card Stud. It’s the simplest, fast, and so far the most interesting stud poker game especially if you are stepping into the world of poker for the first time. Speaking of poker, if you’re new to all this, it may be within your best interests to check out sites like eurocasino, just to get an idea of the sorts of games that you could find yourself playing one day. You may find that you’re a pro at playing poker! Even though Five Card Stud is less popular and hardly features in the series of modern poker, mastering is a brilliant way to venture into other forms of online poker games. You don’t have to really be a genius to play Five Card Stud but- you’ve got to ‘have a card up your sleeve.’ As soon as you master the easy-to-understand Five Card Stud rules, you will certainly be a winning player within the shortest time possible. The high-speed variant style of playing Five Card Stud poker allows you to explore different tricks on how to pin down your opponent. Then, once you are well versed in five card stud, you can then move onto to different types of online poker, such as Texas Hold’em, commonly known in Japan as テキサスホールデム. Here are the easy steps and tips on how to play five card stud.

Five Easy Steps On How To Play Five Card Stud

Post an Ante

Prior to the start of the game, Ante amount is determined. The ante could be any amount that you decide to bet on. Let’s say it could be a dollar or even a hundred dollars depending on the ability of the players to place a bet. The Five Card Stud gives a player the liberty to open betting with the agreed Ante amount or more. You cannot bet with less than the agreed Ante amount. Once you have agreed on the Ante amount, shuffle the cards well. The first two poker cards are dealt to each player, one face up and one down. The cards are dealt in such a way that the player seated on the left side of the dealer receives the cards first. If your showing up-card has the lowest value, then you are required to make a forced bet, commonly known as ‘the bring-in.’

Placing the Bring-In

The player with the least face-up card value makes ‘the bring-in.’ There are two major ways of making the bring-in.
  • The commonly accepted way to make ‘’the bring-in’’ is to have the player with the weakest face-up card place a small bet.
  • Alternatively, you can have a player with strongest face-up card make a bet by not forcing any player to place a bet. In a case where there are two players who have the same card value, the closest to the dealer must place the bet.
Once the ‘bring-in’ player has acted, the action continues in a clockwise manner. In a case where the bring-in player fails to complete the bet, the next Five Card Stud poker player is at liberty to complete the bet. Five Card Stud poker game moves in phases called streets. Every single time a new card is dealt to the poker players, the action is called ‘street.’

Third Street

The third street comprises of issuing the third face-up cards to the players. It is the third phase in Five Card Stud poker game. The issuing of the cards is followed by a betting round. The player that has the strongest face-up card initiates the bet. In a case where two players have cards of equal strengths, the player closest to poker stud button begins the action. Small bets amounts continue on the third street. Unlike in Seven-Card Stud, an open pair does not imply a double bet. Once all the players have made their moves, the game goes on to the next phase.

Fourth Street

The fourth street comprises of the fourth face-up card being dealt. At this stage, each player is issued with a fourth face-up card. The maximum bet is placed at this stage by each poker player who has not folded yet. The fourth street is followed by the last phase called the River.


The adrenaline is high at this stage, and you got to employ all your best tricks so as to win the pot. The Five Card Stud poker players who have not yet folded receive the last face-up card. As expected, the player with the strongest face-up card will initiate the final round of betting. The showdown begins! The player with the strongest hand certainly wins the pot.

Five Card Stud Winning Tips

Poker has remained one of the most fascinating games of all times due to the fact that it has different ways, styles, and approaches of playing. It’s dubbed as a game of insufficient information. This might sound confusing, but that should not worry you. Here are excellent winning tips that can help you beat your opponents with ease.
  • It’s fundamentally important to play the best starting hands. It is wise to fold weak hands throughout the game as it may result in you losing money when you least expect.
  • Observe your opponents keenly and watch their cards. Observing your opponent will certainly help you make informed decisions as well as adopt sound strategies. Master the art of reading poker to your advantage
  • Bluffing is an essential trick when playing Five Card Stud poker. Recognizing your opponents’ betting patterns, using your position, and bluffing will result in the opponents making costly mistakes.
  • Try to keep a record of all the hands that have been folded so that you know all the remaining live cards.
  • An Ace is a winning card, and it’s advantageous to have it particularly when the Ace is a hole card.

Different Approaches To The Five Card Stud

When playing Five Card Stud, you can choose to play ‘tight’ or ‘loose game.’ A tight game involves playing few hands in order to minimize the risk. On the other hand, playing a ‘loose game’ involves many hands being played with the essence of doing more of a gamble. Alternatively, you can play the passive or aggressive game. Passive play involves doing more calls as compared to betting while aggressive play involves making big bets so as to put your opponent under pressure. Remember not to be too rigid on playing one particular kind of poker style as this can make you predictable. If you are in a position to comfortably switch from one style to another, then you are likely to become a great Five Card Stud poker player. For a beginner, it is safer to play a combination of ‘tight-aggressive’ type of play. Even though Five Card Stud is slowly finding its niche online, it is a game worth playing anytime.