5 Questions You Should Never Ask Your Neighbor

monkey pickles, funny articles, what not to do

It can be good to be close to your neighbors. Whether you’d like to be able to borrow a cup of sugar whenever you want or you just want to have more people in the world who know how awesome you are, you’d rather be friends with your neighbors than be disliked by them.

You may want to ask them questions in an effort to get to know them better, but there are certain questions you should just avoid asking. The following are a few of them.

How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

If your neighbor has a dog, that dog is probably well loved and wanted in that house. It’s a pretty safe bet that he or she is not for sale. So if you ask your neighbor what the price of the dog is, you probably aren’t going to get a good reaction. A good rule of thumb: Assume from the get-go, in every case, that your neighbors are not going to want to sell their pets to you.

What’s In That Closet?

You should really respect your neighbors’ privacy. Even if you are friends with them, they have the right to their secrets. Don’t put them in the awkward position of having to explain to you that they have a collection of monkey costumes that they sleep in or that they have been collecting pickle jars for 20 years and at this point have more mold in the closet than pickles. Whatever is in those closets, you and they are both probably better off with you not knowing.

Ooh … Can I Go Through Your Trash?

Some people enjoy going through garbage, and this can be for a variety of reasons. Maybe you think there’s a chance, however small, that your lost childhood watch from 20 years ago is in there. (Yes, you only moved in 10 years ago, but it’s still possible.) Maybe you’re making a replica of your house out of banana peels and are looking for some moldy ones that you can use for the greenery. But if you ask your neighbors for the opportunity to go through their garbage, they’ll likely just be creeped out and tell you that you need to leave.

How Much For Your Trash?

If your neighbors say no to your initial request to look through the trash, just accept that. Whatever you do, do not try to convince them to sell it to you. You may think this is just a reasonable negotiation tactic, but all it will really do is make the situation worse. Whatever you think you’re going to gain from going through your neighbors’ garbage, find it somewhere else. Please.

Will You Marry Me?

The one exception to this question is the case where the two of you are actually in a relationship, or where the question is otherwise expected in some way. But in any other situation, if you ask your neighbor to take your hand in marriage, all that will happen is that you’ll create an extremely awkward situation. Not just right then, but afterward as well. You’ll probably notice your neighbor starting to avoid you as much as possible. You may even notice that you’re getting weird looks from everyone else in the neighborhood, if this neighbor is the talkative type.