Would You Be A Pirate Or A Ninja?

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Pirates are brash, bold and in-your-face. Ninjas are sneaky and efficient.

Would You Be A Pirate Or A Ninja?

Loving It

Do you have today off of work?

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Awesome!
 
Because today you have an excellent excuse to stay in bed ( or a tree … but only if you are a monkey or some other critter that calls a tree home to its private time ) a little longer than usual.

For June 12 is Loving Day
 
Hopefully you won’t be celebrating Loving Day on your lonesome or be shouting at your mom through your bedroom door for her not to bring your porridge into your room today as you have already sorted out your oats this morning. Although, it is important to remember there are many forms of love. Not all revolve around breathlessness and laundry ( also among the consequences of cardiac arrest. { It is important to know the difference})
If you are with someone or several people, Mr. Romney, it is good form to ensure that your celebrations are in keeping with your circumstances. If you are uncertain whether how you’ve chosen to honor Loving Day, look out for subtle clues.
Perhaps a colleague might say, ” Good Grief And Gravy ( gravy is traditionally served at wakes ), Barry … That is not what I meant by ‘Man up and use some whiteout’.” or ” I said, ‘Televised Presidential ADdress To The Nation’, Sir. … Please put your clothes on.”
Of course, love manifests itself in many ways. Maternal Love, paternal Love, Brotherly Love, Davis Love III. You can have Platonic Love, the love of gin and tonic served on a plate. You can love food, as in the famous tag line ” I am loving … that brown meatlike disc sandwiched in between the bun with an aging painting in its attic “. You can even have Loving Spoons.
So … Celebrate Loving Day because birds will be doing it, even educated fleas will be doing it, you should do it too.
If you want to, if you are the type of person who likes facts or being accurate, then you can remember the tale of Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving. A interracial Virginia couple married in 1958 but forced to leave their native state on account of Virginia’s laws forbidding mixed marriages. After much hardship and discrimination their plight was taken up by lawyers Cohen and Hirschkop culminating in the landmark 1967 Supreme Court case of  Virginia vs Loving which resulted in disbanding of all anti-miscegenation laws. This meant that people could enter into any heterosexual marriage anywhere in the USA and paving the way for the strides in gay marriage equality.
You could celebrate that.
Or ….
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Just wear your underpants outside of your trousers as June 12 is also Superman Day.
 
( June 11 was Jerky Day … but this is merely a coincidence. )

National Month Of Broken Promises

Ryan Seacrest’s ball just dropped.

You steal a kiss from someone, take a drink of whatever alcohol is handy and then you say, This year, I am going to …
  • Lose a hundred pounds?
  • Quit smoking?
  • Go back to school?
  • Take up fencing?
  • Learn to speak Arabic?
  • Marry Halle Berry?

Of course by the end of January you have gained fifty pounds.

You drove past the school but have never gone in it.  You ended up slicing off your big toe off with the sword and quite swordplay.  You tried speaking some Arabic at work and the jerk at work turned you into Homeland Security.  Then you got put in jail for stalking Halle Berry.  To top it all off you already bought your third carton of Camels just to calm your nerves.  All your resolutions and promises, broken.  Just like your front window when Homeland Security busted in and arrested you.  Arrested twice in one month.  2014 is not off to a good start.  

Just my opinion, but instead of making promises

for an ENTIRE YEAR that we know we won’t keep or at the very least will slip up on some time.  Only to make ourselves feel like miserable, lousy failures.  Why can’t we make resolutions by the month.  This month I resolve to quit cursing so often.  For the month of March, I resolve to not leave the toilet seat up and let my wife go buttocks diving in the middle of the night.  Things like that. Simple things for a short period of time. If you make it to the end of the twenty eight to thirty one days, you could possibly beat an annoying habit.  If not then try again the next month or try to do something else.  This way, one is not struggling with one or more difficult promises to keep for an entire year.          

Release The Turkey (Haikus)!

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Let there be turkey! Potatoes, and pie, stuffing, gravy; piled on high.

   

Drunk As A Skunk Or Sly As A Fox?

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Minutes earlier, he had crossed the downtown street,

walking carefully not only because he was obviously drunk at seven in the morning but also so he didn’t drop his precious cargo in the plain brown paper bag. He made it to the safety of the bus shelter bench and sat down for a moment to gather his thoughts. The man was not alone for long. He was soon joined by a woman, not so obviously drunk, but someone who had seen many years of steady drinking. At least that how it looked to the observer watching her approach the bench and sit down next to her friend. They talked in loud, drink-slurred voices for a few minutes. They hardly let the passing back and forth of the bag and taking drinks from the container in it cause an interruption to their conversation. It was a chilly winter’s morning in the California capital(only about 40 degrees), and the two people on the bench tried to draw warmth from the conversation and the drinking.

A public transportation bus pulled up to their location.

The front and back doors opened to allow the arriving passengers to exit through the rear and new passengers to board at the front. The bus was a few minutes ahead of schedule so the driver left the doors open until it was time to leave. The man saw the open rear door of the bus and whispered something to the woman. She shook her head and nodded her head towards the front of the bus where the driver sat. The man chuckled under his breath and urgently whispered again into the woman’s ear. She shook her head again. The man shrugged his shoulders and, not so unsteadily, got to his feet. He looked quickly towards the front of the bus to make sure the driver wasn’t looking. Quick as a flash and to the amazement of other commuters and passersby, the man entered the bus through the open rear doors and took a seat inside. He looked around nonchalantly, like he had every reason to be innocently on the bus.

His friend on the bench and everyone else who had witnessed the events watched in awe as the bus doors closed,

and the bus pulled away. It moved about ten feet down the road when it came to a sudden stop and the doors open. Onlookers could see the driver get out of her seat and walk to the back of the bus where the man sat. Through the windows of the bus, the drama was on full display to everyone on the street. The bus driver and the man having an animated conversation. The bus driver pointing an accusatory finger at the man. The man pleading innocence. After five minutes of this back-and-forth bus drama, the man stood up and walked off the bus. He returned to the bus shelter bench and sat back down. He and his lady friend went back to their conversation and their drinking. The bus doors closed, and it pulled away with its legitimate passengers on board.        

A Professor, a CEO, and a Janitor Are In a Forest When They Discover a Magic Fairy

Funny Joke of the Day

  A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy. The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.” The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The CEO says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says “I got a masters degree in art.” Joke Source

Do’s and Don’ts of Blogging

Whether you’re new to the world of blogging or you’ve been blogging for years, chances are your primary goal is to make your audience of readers grow as much as possible. Unfortunately, attracting more traffic to a blog is typically far easier said than done. If you’re having a hard time growing your audience of readers, chances are you’ve attempted to refer to the advice of expert and experienced bloggers. Unfortunately, such advice can be difficult to understand and even harder to implement. If you want concrete and easy-to-implement advice about blogging, look no further than this article of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” for running a successful and prosperous blog. Here at Monkey Pickles, we care about our Monkey Picklers and are dedicated to helping you all learn the ins and outs of blogging. Simply follow these simple “Do’s” and “Don’ts” and you will see your blog surely but slowly grow a large following.

DO Constantly Ask Your Friends and Family If They’ve Seen Your Latest Post

When it comes to blogging, you definitely want to constantly ask your family and friends if they’ve seen your latest post. After all, family members and friends are your biggest fans, so they will always be more than happy to read your blog posts. No matter how insignificant or lackluster a blog post of yours is, don’t be afraid to share it with your loved ones. In fact, continue to pester your loved ones about your latest post until they get around to actually reading it. The truth is if you want to grow your audience for your blog, the best place to start is with your loved ones. If you have a few family members and 10 or so friends, you can expect to tack on at least a dozen or so views if you pester your loved ones to read all your posts. Every little bit counts and it’s always best to start small. Once you’ve convinced your loved ones to read your blog on a regular basis, you should move on to the next step, which is befriending new people for the purpose of gaining new readers for your audience. If your family members and friends attempt to offer constructive criticism, don’t even think about actually heeding it. Your loved ones should be your biggest fans rather than your biggest critics.

DON’T Write About Boring Things Like Your Family Or Cooking

Now, if you want to have a popular blog, it is important that you write posts about an interesting topic. This brings us to one of the major “Don’ts” of blogging. No matter what you do, avoid writing about boring things like your family or cooking. Believe it or not, absolutely no one wants to read about your award-winning recipes or your adventures with family. Not even your family will want to read about themselves. Instead, you want to blog about out-of-this-world things that no one will be able to relate to on any level. The more outlandish a blog post of yours is, the more views and readers you can expect to get.

DO Write About Topics You Know Nothing About

Another surefire way you can grow your audience of readers for your blog is by writing about topics you know nothing about. If you read the advice of more than a few blogging gurus, chances are you’ve come across the idea that bloggers should always strive to present a new perspective or idea on an old topic to readers. Undoubtedly, the best way you can do this is by writing about topics you know nothing about. While every other blogger will be writing about their perspectives and ideas derived from their knowledge or experience, you can simply come up with a fresh and brand new perspective out of thin air by making it up completely. If you’re afraid your readers won’t see you as credible because you don’t know anything about the topics you’re writing about, don’t worry. Your readers won’t care at all.

DON’T Write Short and Concise Blog Posts

A common mistake that bloggers make is writing short and concise blog posts. Making such a mistake will cause your blog to fail, guaranteed. Instead, you should strive to write blog posts that are long and winding. Nowadays, the vast majority of readers have long attention spans, so you can be certain that they will thank you when you bless them with blog posts that resemble a novel more than actual blog post. In fact, the Internet has caused the average attention span to be longer than it was just a few decades ago. If you strive to write the longest blog posts known to man, you can be certain that your readers will love you for it. As a rule of thumb, a blog post should be no shorter than 10,000 words.

Nolan Cheddar

This is great. I have to say my heart sank a little half way through. HAHAHAH You will appreciate this goofballs enjoy.

Video Dating a Gamer – Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

Get with Karlore if you want to see where the treasure is hidden!

A Man Dies And Ends Up In Hell – Funny Joke of the Day

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Funny Joke of the Day

A man dies and ends up in hell. Satan shows up and walks him down a hallway, explaining that he would choose his torment from a selection of doors. The first door opens up onto a vast expanse and millions of people standing on their heads on concrete. This doesn’t have much appeal so the man moves to the next door. There he finds a similar scene but everyone is on their heads on rough hewn wooden floors. The man moved on as that looked worse. The third door revealed a vast chasm with far fewer people, all of whom are knee deep in sh#t drinking coffee. The man thinks to himself that he could get used to the smell and hey, free coffee, so he chooses that door. He gets settled in with his cup and his personal plot of shit and starts to relax a bit, when suddenly an inhuman voice booms through the area, “Alright everyone, break’s over, back on your heads!” Funny Joke Source

More Funny Jokes!

10 Funny Words That Start With M

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Mother of mercy! Wait until you read this list of magnificent words that start with M!

1. Madwoman

A madwoman is a crazy old bat. But the magic of this word is that you can instantly turn any female into a madwoman just by calling her one. Just say “You’re a madwoman!” and watch the sparks fly!

2. Maestro

A maestro is an eminent composer or teacher of music. Technically, your kid’s school music teacher could be a maestro, but from the way they were plunking those piano keys at the last music recital … probably not.

3. Maledict

This means to put a curse on someone. Be a good witch and don’t do it. Remember … karma.

4. Moronic

I was wondering. Can you be a smart person and still do moronic things? Or can morons only do truly moronic things? Maybe smart people can just do regular dumb things? Or is this a case of “When geniuses act like morons”? Either way, it would probably be better to be called a dumb person than a moron. Moron just sounds stupider.

5. Muffin Top

This is such a mean word. You take a muffin, and you know the top is the most delicious part. I mean, a whole Seinfeld episode was dedicated to muffin tops. But all of a sudden it’s an insult simply because some women wear jeans with too-tight waistbands and their middle bulges out. Yes, it’s an eyesore. But can’t we call it a muffin puffin? That would be soooo much nicer.

6. Munchies

Residents of Colorado and several other states know exactly what this is, because marijuana is legalized and they can smoke pot. This causes the munchies. The rest of us only know about the munchies from reading about it, because pot’s not legal in our states, so how would we know?

7. Mmmm

What you can politely say without opening your mouth when you chew.

8. Mazy

This is an actual word that means something having lots of twists and turns, like a maze. So the next time your little toddler says something is “mazy,” don’t correct her, because it’s a real word. So there.

9. Mane

You can substitute this word for “hair” if you really want to elevate your compliment about somebody’s locks. “Wow, you have a glorious mane!” If they reply, “A main what?” Then you can say, “Main head of hair.” Because in that case, they had no idea what you were talking about, so you have to talk down to them.

10. Massive

Massive is one in a chain of words to describe something big. It goes like this: large, big, huge, gigantic, massive, gargantuan. See? Massive is almost at the top of the list, but not quite. Be really careful how you use it, because if you describe something as being massive when it’s really just big, you look like you don’t know what you’re talking about. Kind of like that moronic “mane” girl with the muffin puffin.

Lick a Puffer Fish with Zoku Fish Pop Molds

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  One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, or orange fish, or purple fish… the possibilities are virtually endless with these Zoku fish popsicle molds. Use your favorite juice or melted chocolate to create 6 pops with ocean creatures including a puffer fish, whale, shark, clown fish, octopus, and a scuba diver. Eat the fish pop to reveal a funny “skeleton” inside each one! Check out more Zoku products including the original Zoku Quick Pop Maker HERE

Zoku Fish Pop Molds

$22.99  in stock
Amazon.com
as of March 26, 2024 11:31 am

Features

  • SIX UNIQUE DESIGNS: 6 different molds create a variety of under-the-sea creatures including a shark, clownfish, octopus, whale, puffer fish, and a ZOKU scuba diver; about 1.1-1.6-fluid ounces each
  • EASY TO USE DESIGN: Silicone molds easily release your pops from the polypropylene base, no inverting required; simply pull out your fish pop and enjoy; no need to run under warm water; each mold includes a stick with drip guard for mess-free enjoyment
  • GREAT FAMILY ACTIVITY: Mess-free fun for kids and adults alike; create unique and healthy treats with fresh fruit and juice, or decadent desserts; perfect for families, parties, an after-school snack, or as an addition to the other ZOKU character pop shapes
  • MIX AND MATCH: Try out different combinations of molds and tails for fun and surprising results; uncover amusing skeletons of the sea creatures as the pops are eaten
  • BPA-FREE AND PHTHALATE FREE: Simple to clean with warm water and soap; do not wash in dishwasher; clean with mild soap and water; designed in the USA

Kylie Jenner’s Big Lip O’ Suction Challenge

Everyone Is Looking For The Next Big Thing And that next big thing is LIPS. Kylie Jenner’s lips. They are the best lips in the world. Unfortunately, the Keeping Up With The Kardashians star is not selling them. So the best the rest of we mere mortals can hope for is to emulate this pinnacle of beauty. Only then will all the problems we face in our lives magically solve themselves. What else can we do? We are trapped between plump lips and a hard face. These are the lips that launched a thousand clips … and we must have them … Right kids? But how can we afford a cosmetic procedure like this? Once upon a time threatening to give someone a fat lip was viewed as a negative rather than a cosmetic boon inspiring the response, ” How much do I owe you? ” Fortunately ( …er … I think. ) the answer is nothing. And the low cost is the real beauty of this lip plumping technique … because the result sure isn’t. However, if you are still undaunted, here is what you need to participate in … The Kylie Jenner Challenge …. 1. Too much time on your hands. 2. Peer Pressure. 3. Some unwanted dignity. 4. A small cup or glass. 5. Suction. 6. Some ice ( probably ) and your doctor on speed dial. With this kit teens across the world have been positioning a small cup or glass over their drab life hampering normal lips and sucking. The resulting partial vacuum inside the cup ( or glass ) forcibly draws the lips into the cup ( or glass ) causing them to swell due to bruising and small tears in the tissue resulting ( ideally ) in plump celebrity life changing lips usually only possible through cosmetic injection. But what actually happens is the following as explained by UhOhBro …. If you must do this ( and we  can’t recommend that you do ) perhaps you should follow this young lady’s technique … https://youtu.be/1BVaOhSDZJY Police are warning the public that the small cup or glass remains at large and, if seen, should not be approached with your lips.

5 Cool Gifts for The Doors Fans

The Doors were active from 1965 to 1973, a short eight year run, but quickly became one of the most influential bands of the counterculture era and a largely controversial band due to Jim Morrison’s erratic behavior. Morrison took the band’s name from Aldous Huxley’s book on mescaline, The Doors of Perception, which in turn referred to a line in a poem by William Blake. The Doors were perhaps one of the most unconventional Los Angeles bands of the 1960s because they didn’t fit into the surf-music scene or the folk-rock craze. Influenced more by jazz than folk music, it was a hard-edged band, led by Morrison’s vocals and Manzarek’s soaring organ riffs. The Doors had 48.2 Million in certified sales.

YOMIA Tin Signs for Rock Band Posters Vintage Wall Decor for Cafe Bar Pub Decor 8 X 12 inches

 out of stock
Amazon.com
as of March 18, 2024 12:49 pm

Features

  • . Material: Tin/Metal
  • . Size: 8x12 Inch(20cmx30cm)
  • . 4 Holes for easy mounting, has drilled holes for hanging
  • . Each metal sign has four pre-drilled holes at the corners for easy mounting on your walls. Please note that this set does not include screws
  • . Classic vintage decor,these retro collectible tin signs are a fun and attractive decoration for your home, office, bar, restaurant, dorm, man cave or garage

Pyramid America The Doors Live at Hollywood Bowl Jim Morrison Classic Rock Music Band Retro Vintage Cool Wall Decor Art Print Poster 24x36

 out of stock
Amazon.com
as of March 18, 2024 12:49 pm

Features

Part Number 894490
Color Poster
Size Large

The Lords and the New Creatures

$17.99
$11.39
 in stock
18 new from $6.89
57 used from $1.48
Free shipping
Amazon.com
as of March 18, 2024 12:49 pm

Features

  • 1971 Original Touchstone. wraps

Vinyl Record Clock- Doors Inspired

$33.99  in stock
Amazon.com
as of March 18, 2024 12:49 pm

Features

  • silent sweeping clock hands
  • 100% real re-purposed vinyl records
  • conversation starter
  • unique art/gift
  • small USA based company - owned, operated and made

Jasongamo Jim Morrison The Doors T Shirt Men's Cotton Crew Neck Comfort Short Sleeve Graphic Tees Black (Large)

$22.99  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of March 18, 2024 12:49 pm

Features

Color Black
Is Adult Product
Size Large

How Do You Peel Your Bananas?

Some people grab the top of the banana (where it connects to other bananas in a bunch), snap it back, and peel down from there. Others hold it upside-down, pinch the bottom end, and peel away from there. We’re sure there are many more ways to peel a banana, but these are the two we know about.

How do you peel your bananas?