How To Make Kombucha

When it comes to tasty dining and delicious eating, there’s only one trend that defines the heights of the culinary arts. No, it’s not foie gras or a pile of ultra-delectable truffles. It’s also not the finest wine that Italy or France has to offer nor an impressive, rare ounce of Almas cavier. What we have in mind is far more sophisticated and way more trendy than any of those. We know you’re just sitting on pins and needles waiting to find out what the food experts here at MonkeyPickles have in store for you.

But stop for a second and look at the title of this article. We’ll give you a second.

Figured it out yet?

It’s Kombucha! Hip, cool, all the rage, and every other word you know to say that something is trending. Kombucha is probably the best of the best when it comes to eating (or drinking). But forget paying those big bucks at your local price-gouging health food store. Today, we’re going to teach you exactly how to make it yourself.

How to Make Kombucha – Find your favorite hipster and use their beard bacteria
What really is Kombucha? It’s a fermented tea touted by health food nuts and mega-hipsters alike. See, you can even learn new tricks and facts here at MonkeyPickles! It’s a literal smorgasbord of education, philosophy, and everyday knowledge!

Anyway, back to our topic at hand. First, you’ll need some bacteria to ferment your tea. And what better place to get it than from the beard of your hippest hipster in… hipdom? Every beard contains bacteria in it, and hipster beards, being slightly more shaggy, especially so. Plus, your Kombucha will benefit from being authentic. Everyone loves authentic things!

How to Make Kombucha – Create a giant brew system in your bathtub
Even though you could make your delicious tea creation in a smaller cauldron, what’s the fun in that? When we do something here at MonkeyPickles, we go all out. After all, normal is boring. We want some serious Kombucha here. Your bathroom will likely give you plenty of room to set up a complete brewing system where you can make gallons and gallons of Kombucha at a time. Not only that, but it will have that wonderful bathroom-y smell that you probably love. You’ll be joining in a proud tradition of bathtub brewers all over the world. Plus, you can see your proud creation every time you bathe yourself. Double win!

How to Make Kombucha – Add in the most insane ingredients known to man
Forget blueberries or pomegranate. We’re creating a masterpiece here, and we’re not going to be constrained by the rules. Not only are we making a whole ton of the best thing in the world, we’re also going to break some culinary barriers at the same time. Before you know it you’ll probably have your own cooking show on the TV Network. What ingredients should we include? Bacon, Avocado, pizza. You name it, and we can improve on the timeless recipe of Kombucha. The possibilities are totally endless!

How to Make Kombucha – Reuse your Kombucha like a well-worn dirty old sock
What’s more hipster than recycling? Because Kombucha is really just dirty old tea, you can keep reusing it to create more and more batches. All you’ll need to do is save part of your previous batch as a starter for your next one. Just like a fine wine (or an old dirty sock) gets better with age, your Kombucha will be so old and dirty, it’ll be the talk of the town! And this way, alongside your amazing bathtub brewing system, you’ll be set to make Kombucha until the end of time (or at least until the next trend comes along and then you can learn all about that one here at MonkeyPickles too.)

How to Make Kombucha – Brag to all your friends about how incredibly cool you are
The final step in how to make Kombucha is probably the easiest one by far. You’ve grab the very best and hipster in bacteria, made an award-winning brewing system, pushing the boundaries of cooking science with your added ingredients, and even created a process to keep your batches coming from a single origin. What could be left? Bragging, tons and tons of bragging. If there’s one thing we love here at MonkeyPickles, it’s telling our friends how cool we are. And they love to hear it! So go out there and get to it!