Chicken Surprise

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Chicken Surprise

Funny Joke of the Day

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the Chicken Surprise. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. “Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down… Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. “Please sir,” says the waiter, “what did you order?” The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise!” “Ah! So sorry,” says the waiter, “I bring you Peeking Duck!”

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20 Funny Words That End With -ing

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20 Funny Words That End With -ing

20 Funny Words That End With -ing

Cracking

Let’s get cracking, that’s cracking good. Cracking is the new adjective for everything that’s good. If you can describe it as being cracking, well then, you’re on to something really cracking brilliant.

Guzzling

“Look at him guzzling that beer.” If you’re guzzling anything, it must be super great. After all, there aren’t many things you’d even want to guzzle. You’d never guzzle water. “Boy, she’s really guzzling that water.” Not. Of course you might have a gas guzzler of a car. But you yourself wouldn’t want to guzzle gas, right?

Muddling

Let’s be honest. If you’re muddling through something, you’re not exactly giving it your all. I mean, you’re not really pushing yourself to the limits if you’re muddling through that presentation.

Plodding

Okay, you’ve muddled your way through the presentation and managed not to get yourself fired. Now you’re plodding your way along until you can make it to the Christmas holiday where hopefully your boss will give you that bonus you’ve been counting on to pay for your kid’s braces. Keep on plodding, bro.

Kidding

Who are you kidding? You’ve been plodding along, trying to keep in the background, while all along, you know it’s just been a charade. Don’t try to kid a kidder. Funny, though. An actual kid is a child Billy goat. Is that you? A Billy goat in disguise, trying to fool the powers that be.

Mucking

Well, it looks like there’s been some real mucking up. If you’ve mucked it up, there’s a real mess that you’ve left behind. Muck is muck. It’s muddy, wet and messy. If your boss tells you at your six month progress report interview that you’ve been mucking it up, well, it’s time to cut back on that cable television package, I’ll tell you what.

Meddling

So, you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night. A couple of your wife’s friends are coming over to play cards and shoot the breeze. What could possibly go wrong? Except that you took it upon yourself to tell one of your wife’s friend’s husbands how he shouldn’t let his wife walk all over him the way he has. How he should stand up for himself! Now, the wife is at your house, in your living room, standing in front of your chair telling you how your meddling has ruined her marriage. Your meddling. What a puddle of a mess.

Got 74 Seconds To Watch Turkeys Playing Soccer?

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Got 74 Seconds To Watch Turkeys Playing Soccer?

Turkeys Playing Soccer?

What Other Sports Should Turkeys Play?

I Used To Suck – Why Social Media Interns DON’T WORK! (Without Training)

Monkey Pickles
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I Used To Suck – Why Social Media Interns DON’T WORK! (Without Training)
As Social Media like Facebook and Twitter have become centers for both the consumer and the business to connect, companies of all sizes have been forced to jump on the bandwagon with little to no expertis. Many businesses have resorted to hiring interns to take on the task. When looking for someone to manage your Social Outlets, who do you hire? You would think that an everyday Facebooker or Tweeter would solve all your problems, but you may want think twice about this decision.
Speaking from my own experience
Previously, to the job I have now, I was hired as an Intern for Marketing and Merchandising, later moving to Social Media. I was excited about the job, because I enjoyed Facebook and thought I knew so much about it. Without any training, other than what I had learned myself, I began to post regularly on my companies Facebook page and created events to generate hype and excitement. We would host specials and promote our website, but the interaction between my company and our consumers just wasn’t happening. We even launched an IPad giveaway to generate traffic, but had little success. I tried my best to get new likes on our Facebook page, but in the end the ROI for my company wasn’t great enough and my internship ended.
Fast Forward: Monkey Pickles 2012
Currently I have a job at Monkey Pickles in Maple Grove where I specialize in Online Marketing as a Project Manager. As a company, we have had great success growing businesses online. We have helped a number of different companies from start-ups to well establish businesses get their name out there and grow business. We track success through Google Analytics looking at website traffic to the company’s main website. Monkey Pickles is an Online Community 15,000+ members strong. We have built major influence on Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare and more. On the back end of things we are an Online Marketing company that help businesses grow influence online through Social Media, Website, Blogging, Utilizing Google through Adwords and Webmaster Tools and more! We’ve had numerous successes with our clients one including a national Pool company and their Facebook. We started out with no Facebook followers and within six months the following grew to 4,000 likes!
Why isn’t my Social Media Intern growing my business?
So how can we have such success at Monkey Pickles growing likes on Facebook, but I had no success during my internship? You can’t simply hire your nephew or friend of the family, because they use Twitter or Pinterest on a daily basis. There is much more to Facebook Business Pages then an average Facebooker sees. The average Social Media person knows how to interact within their own sphere of influence, but to build a brand or business page the strategy is completely different. The way we went about building up our client’s influence, as we like to call it, on Facebook included multiple steps. Daily interaction – one on one with internet users, advertising and cross-promotion through multiple social outlets was included in our strategy. When dealing with contests, the first time you run one, it’s going to fail, I promise. When interacting through social outlets, you are dealing with user habit, so you need to train them. Plain and simple you are building a brand. An intern doesn’t necessarily know overall online brand strategy. It’s important to have the right people in the position and train them how to use social media. The people that know your brand – live and breathe it are the best people to be communicating and interacting with your customers. If those people don’t have the time, it’s important to hire a person that knows social media and its strategy as well as your brand and the strategy of building a business online. ~ Blog By: Courtney White Join the Monkey Pickles Mash Potatoes Club

Bringing Home Thomás

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Bringing Home Thomás
 

I named him Thomas.

Not Tommy or Tom.  But Thomas…with the emphasis on “mas”. I’m sure he had a different name in his “other life”.   They always do.  When you pick out an older one like this, you had no idea what their background was.  But the place I’d come to had a good reputation, and it was time for me – for our family – to take the plunge.

He was smaller than the rest and seemed shy,

standing in the corner by himself.  Nonetheless, he was a handsome fellow. I heard a gravelly voice behind me say: “He’s a fine one.  Maybe not the pick of the litter, but you can’t go wrong with him.” Just then, the little white bundle turned and looked me in the eye.  His eyes were tiny, so it was hard to tell what he was looking at, truthfully.  But if you believe in intuition, I promise, I could feel his stare. “I’ll take him!” I told the man, and plunked down my sixty bucks.  “Do I need anything special to take home?  Anything that will make the transition easier?” “Sure, we sell all the accessories inside.  I’ll help you choose.”

It was all so easy.

I waited impatiently while they got him ready for me.  I walked around the shop, looking at all the goodies that I could take home.  Having already spent sixty bucks, I held back on the fancy add-ons. “Ma’am?”  I turned at the voice.  “He’s ready for you.”  They’d placed him on the counter and put him in a carrier, so I really couldn’t actually see him.  It still felt right, so I thanked them and as I was walking out, the man came up behind me and pushed a piece of paper in my palm.  “If this is your first time, these instructions will help get you through it.” I brought him home and carried him into the kitchen.  He was quite heavy for a little guy.  He only weighed 17 pounds, but it felt like more.

My husband came in, smiling.

He knew I was going to bring him home, and I think he was as excited as I was. “Well, take him out!  Let me see him!  Is he plump?” “He is a little butterball…feels like he weighs a ton.”  I reached into the carrier, and set him on our counter.  We both stood back, admiring him.  It was like a Chevy Chase Christmas Vacation Christmas Tree moment.  The spotlights shone down.  The angels sang. “You did good, baby. How’d you know which one to pick?” “We had this connection.  It’s hard to explain.  I think in reality, he picked me.  But I knew as soon as I saw him that he was the one.   I knew that this young little fluff ball belonged on our dining room table.” “Great job”, he sobbed.  “I’m so proud of you, honey.  The new Brown Family Turkey Tradition has begun.”    

A Cowboy Rode Into Town And Stopped At The Saloon For A Drink…

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A Cowboy Rode Into Town And Stopped At The Saloon For A Drink…

Funny Joke Of The Day

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When the cowboy finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. “Who stole my horse?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. “I’m gonna have another beer and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’m finished, I’m gonna do what I dun back in Texas. And I don’t want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside and was pleasantly surprised to find his horse had been returned. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender had followed him out of the bar. As he rode away, the bartender asked, “Say, pardner, what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home!”  

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

  (Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

Two Factory Workers Are Chatting…

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Two Factory Workers Are Chatting…

Funny Joke of the Day!

  Two factory workers are chatting while on the floor. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.” Source

See More Funny Jokes HERE!

I Love Wasting Time On The Internet At Work!

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I Love Wasting Time On The Internet At Work!
The number one killer of workplace productivity has to be the Internet. It is a bastion of endlessly funny and often-times intriguing distractions that make doing actual work unattractive. The Internet was designed for practical purposes too but who cares about that? You know watching that Youtube video is way more fun than adjusting that spreadsheet. From humor sites, Monkey Pickles and random facts to Facebook games, there is something out there to distract you from doing real work.

Humor Sites

Will Ferrell, the well-known comedian and actor, helped start the Internet humor site Funny or Die. Have you ever seen a goodhearted bat fight? It’s awesome, “it’s a game of honor and diplomacy.” Ferrell gets all of his Hollywood buddies together to perform short, funny skits and slapstick gags. Videos often go viral and are spread through offices with efficiency and effectiveness. Managers take part in propagating these videos thereby driving operational efficiencies and setting a good example for their subordinates. For those that find humor in extreme videos, games and fail compilations, there is also eBaum’s World.

Monkey Pickles

Monkey Pickles just sounds fun. It actually means green or yellow bananas. This agency delivers fun on a level that rivals the lethality of squirrel ninjas riding unicycles. The site features random thoughts, golden bananas, hamster balls and how to humor. Kids, interns, employees and corporate executives can all appreciate the comical style of the site’s content. It is paradise for those looking for excuses to waste time at work. It is hard to capture the site in words. You can describe it as a mix of: beach balls, Where’s Wally, squash, rainbows, pickled bananas, clay pots and pasta. Not sure if that makes sense?

Random Facts

The Internet is full of random facts and a lot of blah blah. These facts can be entertaining especially when it comes to celebrities or items bordering on the risqué. Like it or not, there are more Kim Kardashian facts on the Internet than there should be. Lindsay Lohan is out there in force too. Whether sorting through top 10 lists on things that smell or top 3 lists on training unicorns, you can find bizarre facts that intrigue. Figuratively speaking, the Internet is a fruit bowl of meme, monkeys, finger paint and best of lists. Perhaps the best part of random facts is that they are zero calories unlike other office distractions. You can also find random facts on car keys, Christmas, cardboard, sandwiches, staplers and tech among many other things. Why not surf the Internet for a furry adventure, fire eater or bite size salty tart. Let management give themselves high fives. You can be reading a short story full of randomness. Forget company workshops, go go power and other corporate nonsense. Spoon me up some bizarre facts.

Facebook Games

Many companies try to block social media sites like Facebook, Tumbler and Twitter – unsuccessfully. Where there is a will there is a way. When your boss is behaving foolishly Facebook games via mobile devices are a saving grace. So when you are thinking “I am bored”, you know what to do. Develop a strategy and sneak off to the break room and play games on your phone. Sending messages via Facebook is way more entertaining than sending an announcement via email. Instagram is more than just the random thought of the month. There are lots of ways to waste time at work. You can go above and beyond, or you can log on to the Internet and play around on humor sites, Monkey Pickles and Facebook. The choice is ultimately yours, but the smart move is goofing around on the Internet.

4 Signs You’re Spending Too Much Money On Your Girlfriend

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4 Signs You’re Spending Too Much Money On Your Girlfriend
It’s a good feeling to treat your girlfriend to a new pair of designer shoes or to a getaway in an exotic locale, but this sort of pampering can easily become dangerous. Your wallet can shrivel before you know it, making overspending a habit to nip in the bud. Below are the signs you’ve overreached on your spending.

She Stops Complaining

Overindulging your girlfriend can have some unintended yet positive benefits, including that she stops complaining or ridiculing your behavior. This sign isn’t always indicative of overspending, but if this happens, something may be wrong. Be sure to review your checking account and credit cards to see if all the dinners, nights out and clothes have started to add up.

No ‘Thank You’

If you stop hearing “thank you” when you pick up the tab for dinner and a show or even when you open the door, you may be overspending. An entitlement attitude can rear its ugly head when you can’t keep your spending in check. If she expects you to pay for everything all the time without any type of gratitude, then your spending is certainly out of hand.

She’s Donating

Charity is a positive thing, but if your girlfriend is donating the new shoes, shirt or blouse you just bought her to a thrift store, then you may be spending too much. Excess can cause your girlfriend to do some strange things, so watch her charitable habits carefully.

She Brags Excessively

If your girl is constantly bragging about all of the trips, jewelry and clothes you’ve purchased, then it’s a red flag you’ve gone too far. When all of her friends and family think you are a trust fund baby and you’re not, you’ve got a problem. If your girl has got you whooped, you’re likely spending way too much money on her, to your significant detriment. Fortunately, there are specific warning signs that can help you stop the madness and regain your dignity, along with your financial well-being. In the meantime you can always visit lendingexpert.co.uk for a non-judgemental loan. It’s okay to fund your 401(k) every couple of weeks instead of your girlfriend’s shopping habits.

Three World War II Soldiers Are POWs In An Allied Camp…

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Three World War II Soldiers Are POWs In An Allied Camp…

Funny Joke Of The Day

A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier are POWs in an Allied camp during World War II. They are in their cells and agree not to talk while being interrogated by their captors.

The German soldier is taken first. The other two hear bloodcurdling screams of pain. Within minutes, the German tells the Allies all they need to know from him. He comes back to his cell feeling ashamed.

Next, the Japanese soldier is taken. Again, there are screams echoing throughout the building. The Japanese man lasts two whole days of torture before finally giving in. He comes back in disgrace, having dishonored his homeland and family name.

Finally, it is the Italian’s turn. The other two wish him luck as they know what lies ahead for him. The terrified Italian is taken to the other room and, once again, nothing but screams of pain. However, it continues into the night, and the next day, then several days. Finally, after two weeks of almost nonstop torture, the captors give up on him.

The Allied guards angrily bring the battered and bruised Italian back to his cell and leave. The German soldier and Japanese soldier looked at their comrade in utter shock.

“How did you hold out so long? It’s impossible…” said the German.

“I had no choice,” shrugged the Italian. “How can they expect me to talk when they tie my hands behind my back?”

 

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

 
(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

Game Of Chickens

SonOfMonkeyPickles
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Game Of Chickens
A long time ago in a post far far away, a fellow inmate suggested that you could not play a chicken successfully in a role playing game.
chicken-rpg
Chickens can’t be RPG characters ? …. I say thee nay !!! 
If that were true, why would there be chicken roll ? 
Okay, role-playing a regular chicken might cluck but if you want to be a chicken, be the best chicken you can be !
Certainly, the creators of South Park & much of the Japanese gaming industry would not get into a flap about your choice.
Suppose you are transformed into a chicken.
” Dammit! You halfwit DM, what did you turn me into a chicken for ? You Suck, man. You suck eggs ! … And, if you haven’t got an egg ……… Nnnnnnnn-ugh ” … *pop* 
 
If I had hatched ( ha ha … That’s right! I went there ) such a devious plan, that chicken-knight / hen-at-arms would have a pivotal role. Imagine you are a low level party, you’re trapped in a pit, a dungeon cell or have to cross a deadly chasm that’s just slightly too wide to leap who do you turn to ? …. Your trusty chicken! Watch in awe as it slips through the bars of the cell, flaps to the top of the pit and across the deadly chasm to fetch the help that you desperately need, having left several tasty eggs so that you don’t starve.
 
” Bwok ! Bwok ! “
” Well done brave chicken. I, Merlin, will help your stricken party. Your actions have saved them all this day. …. Now, why not ease your aches in this relaxing warm bath full of stewing vegetables while I am away rescuing them ? “
 
( Hey, it worked pretty well for Skippy & Flipper …. until they ended up as soup, that is. )
 
Some of the most inspired miraculous role-playing scenarios and escapes have come from that last gasp desperate roll of the dice, when you are out of spells, weaponless, outnumbered, out gunned and a chicken. I personally have saved a entire party from almost certain imaginary death by pretending to be a chicken, causing our imminent death sentence being commuted to ‘being simply too stupid & entertaining to be killed just yet’. A glorious, dignified moment for me which sadly led to the very first  series Camelot Has Talent, hosted by the black robe wizard Simon Cowl.
 
Think, also, of all the snappy dialogue you are going to miss out on ….
 
” Oh Cluck ! “
” My big hen’s gone “
” He’s just egging you on “
” Chicken ! ….. RUN !!! “
” It’s a military coop “
” Is everyone here ? …. Hang on, I’ll just chick the rooster “
 
I also could cite a successful campaign that heavily featured contributions from a befuddled French waiter, summoned from the future, who ferociously wielded a stale +5 vorpal  baguette … but I think that strongest evidence that seemingly useless characters can survive in a dangerous world, is that no one killed Jar Jar Binks.
 
…… suddenly I feel a little depressed.
 

11 Of The Best Personal Life Hacks

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11 Of The Best Personal Life Hacks
There are so many things we do in a day that we just take for granted. We figure we’re doing it correctly because that’s how we’ve always done it. But the truth is that there’s probably a more efficient, effective way to do just about everything if you’d only pull your head out of your– uh, that is to say, if you’d take a moment to rethink how you’re approaching everyday tasks! Here are just a few.

1. Drinking Beverages

It’s 2016. If you aren’t taking your hot cocoa through your nose in order to clear your sinuses while you sip, you’re basically a caveman at this point.

2. Sleeping

A full eight hours? Try 16. Sounds like a big chunk of time out of your day, right? Not if you break it into little chunks. Grab 30 seconds of sleep once a minute or so. You’ve never felt so rested!

3. Brushing Your Teeth

Forget the brush. Just cake the toothpaste onto your choppers, dry it with a ceiling fan or a hair dryer, and enjoy a minty shell of hardened paste protecting your pearly whites all day.

4. Electrolyze Your Scalp

Tired of wasting time and money at the hair salon? Invest in a wig and a one-time electrolysis treatment to stop your head from growing new hair. Problem solved.

5. Reading

If you’re using your own two eyes to read this text instead of paying an outsourcing firm in India to read it out loud to you, then wow, how do you even have time to eat every day? Pick up the phone and call customer support for literally any product you own. It’ll save you time, dummy.

6. Eating Shellfish

Indulging in a little surf and turf? Eat the lobster shells. Don’t ask why! You’ll do as the life hackers tell you.

7. Home Repairs

The best way to save time and energy on home repairs? Just don’t do them. If you’ve got a bucket to collect the rain, then why bother patching up a leaky roof? An even better hack is to hire someone to fix the leak in your roof, like austin roof repair companies… That way, you don’t need to lift a finger and there’s no more leak!

8. Stop Cleaning

Who needs a trashcan? There’s no law against just throwing garbage out the window, now it’s someone else’s problem.

9. Start Cleaning Again

Okay, we’ve just been informed that pretty much no matter where you go in the world there are tons of laws against throwing garbage out the window. Maybe go ahead and keep your trash can for now. Although it might be a good idea to get that window fixed using somewhere like Maui Windows just in case you want to keep your stuff safe.

10. Exercise

Don’t waste money on a gym membership! Save money by making your own protein shakes and then not working out at home. You can watch attractive people working out on YouTube to still get that gym feeling. All jokes aside, you don’t need a fancy gym membership to stay in shape. You can easily get some affordable gym equipment. You can get some of the best elliptical under 500 dollars. You’ll feel better when you start exercising too and maybe you can start doing some of the other stuff on this list.

11. Funeral Arrangements

Getting on in years? Why waste money on funeral arrangements when you could just jump right into a wood chipper? No muss no fuss! The “normal” way to do things, more often than not, just makes life more complicated. Simplify, simplify, simplify! Whether that means having an eye removed so your glasses prescription costs half as much or riding to work piggyback-style with your largest co-worker. Simplicity is the essence of, uh … keeping things simple. Right.

Why Are Clowns Freaky?

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Why Are Clowns Freaky?

What is the inner feeling that makes clowns terrifying? Look they are so Happy 🙂

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Frosty Foot Threshold

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Frosty Foot Threshold

New Year’s Eve means cold feet.

My folks have kept faith with the same New Year’s tradition for 50 years.
Come the last death throws of each year we would pretend that my hair was darker than it actually was and I would be bundled out the back door with a shovel.
With my protests about the New Year having started 8 hours earlier in Australia ignored, I would begrudgingly shuffle around to the front of the house at a pace calculate to minimize the time I would have to stand still during my chilly exile.
 

Upon the shovel would be a peculiar collection of small items.

A lump of coal ( not my present from Santa ). It kept company with a silver coin, a piece of wood, a pinch of salt, a newspaper clipping, a bit of bread and, possibly, a short cake cookie ( which we would refer to as a biscuit )
I am sure there was a time when I knew what these shovel dwellers represented. Now I am hazy .. but I like that. I think tradition that has developed a personal flourish, through rose tinted memories and a lack of motivation to engage in research, is kind of sweet. As long as its wholesome core is intact.
The eclectic collection central to this below room temperature is supposed to represent ushering in the New Year and the hopes we have for it.
 

The coal

represents a warm house, my folks say, and not that the electricity is about to be cut off.

The piece of wood

stands for construction, then ? Apparently not. This too my folks claim is to ensure a cozy crib for the coming year.

The newspaper clipping

… We weren’t sure if that was another contributer to the now uncomfortably warm  home, whether it represented culture or was just something to read as you awaited trial for arson.

The silver coin

would embody a prosperous year to come … and its first temptation.

The bread

is there to ensure that the household does not want for sustenance that year.

The shortcake cookie

too, although the addictive high sugar content of this item conjures whimsical suspicions that its addition may have been sponsor by ‘big business’. But, then again …. ‘shovel cookie’ … Ew!

The salt

My folks were shakier on this explanation. ” It’s to ward off evil spirits “, they claimed. “. ” So, it’s important to take this tradition with a pinch of salt ? “, I replied. This was met with pursed lips and a frown from my mother, as was my speculation that evil spirits maybe suffered from high blood pressure.
I was just funning, of course, but she did make me stand out in the cold each New Year Eve. *:D big grin
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