Household Uses For Boric Acid: Zombie Edition

Just when you think you’ve gotten then entire house cleaned up, you hear a little wiggle here, a scratch there. Before you know it you realize that there is a zombie in the corner, happily nibbling on aunt Esters leg. Well, as the saying goes, if you want something done well, you have to do it yourself. A few whacks with a butcher knife and that zombie is history. However, as we all know, zombie corpses can leave traces of bacteria and germs behind. Therefore, it is important to be able to get the stains up as quickly as possible, as well as control the spread of disease and stench as quickly as possible. In such cases, boric acid is your friend.

Boric Acid as Pest Control

Zombie droppings attract ants. There is no way around it. If zombies have camped in your back yard for any length of time, you know that by morning, your pumpkin patch will be littered with zombie droppings. While not dangerous to the human, these droppings do tend to have an unpleasant odor, as well as a habit of attracting ants, fleas and flies. Indeed, you can be sure, that after nibbling a few hours on your next door neighbor, that zombie will probably pay a visit to your garden to seek relief. Normally, zombies prefer to dig a hole, relieve themselves, and cover it up like a cat. However, this not always the case, especially when zombies consume the elderly, as the elderly usually have a higher concentration of laxatives and prune juice in their digestive system. In order to lessen the chance that the ants will multiply and enter your home, we strongly suggest that you mix a paste of boric acid, flour and some bits of food, and place them around the droppings. As a result, the population of ants and flies will be reduced.

Boric Acid as a Disinfectant

We all know the difficulty in making sure that an area is disinfected after a zombie attack. With all the hackings and whackings, both slabs of stinky flesh and tidbits of tiny zombie hairs can intertwine with the fabric of your rugs, couches and chairs. Not to mention that new kitchen flooring you just installed. However, most over the counter cleaners are expensive over time, and it would be nice to simply have something you could reach for in between kills. Boric acid is a handy, dandy little disinfectant and antifungal powder. Simply mix a bit of it with water, place in a convenient spray bottle, and proceed to spritz around the body. A spritz here and a spritz there, means that that once bloodied hallway can now be germ free for half the cost of a name brand cleaner.

Boric Acid as an Anti-Fungal

Intestinal debris: they’re the worst. However, that is usually what you get when you slice an invading zombie from stem to stern. We all know how much those zombies can eat at one sitting. Why, my best friend Alfie Chapel weighed a good 250 pounds, and the damn zombie had no trouble downing his entire torso in one sitting. As can be seen, zombie entrails can be quite problematic. There are over 20 miles of human flesh impacted in average zombie intestine, and that has to go somewhere. Indeed, zombie intestines have a tendency to spill out onto the floor, over furniture and across table tops, and the fact that they are in a state of decay, means that necrotic bits of loose flesh will always land in those special, hard to reach places. In an effort to reduce the spillage and stench, call upon your good friend, boric acid. Simply mix a little boric acid and water and proceed to do a nice mop up of the offending area. Within seconds, you’ll begin to sense the clean, and enjoy the newfound freshness.

Boric Acid as a Household Deodorizer

Yep, we’ve all had that occasion where you kinda find yourself with what to do with that decaying dead zombie your uncle Edwin left in the basement. Hey, it happens and we’ve all been there. Well, have no fear because right in your corner cupboard is a surprising and very beneficial little ‘fixer’, boric acid, or Borax if you have the commercially prepared version. This versatile little box of powder is just what the doctor ordered, to take care of left of spills, such as the one your uncle Edwin left for you. Never again do you have to suffer the stench of decayed, necrotic and rotting flesh after an attack. Simply mix up some boric acid in a spray bottle with water and spritz away. Remember, it is also very good for getting bits of rot, dirt and grime from your clothes, simply add 1/2 a cup to your laundry, and wash as usual. There you have it. The perfect product to end all of your zombie cleaning solution issues. Boric acid is a no fuss, no muss product that can be easily mixed with water. If those of you still have access to markets or department stores, you may be able to pick up some commercially prepared powders which have added benefits. In the end, no matter which route you take, you can’t go wrong with boric acid.

What Celebrity Showdown Do You Really Want To See?

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What two celebrities should face off? And how is the winner determined? Maybe they rap battle, maybe it’s a dance-off, maybe two go into the octagon and only one comes out. You decide!

What Celebrity Showdown Do You Really Want To See?

Ah, The College Life.

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As a freshman in college,

I feel like an expert on all things university life.. As I came on campus a week early to scope out this sketchy scene. So here is an article mixed with tips about this campus and campus life. Okay? Okay. (Get it? Okay? No? John Green… anyone? Okay.) Last night a group of friends and I went to a smoking bar (no worries, I don’t smoke, nothing fore passed these lips!), and all was well till we got hungry-I know what you are thinking, now stop thinking it! We did not smoke. So, I guess the first tip is scope out the area for a burger joint, or Taco Bell. We walked half a mile till we found a joint that was open. #ThankGodForRally’s.

Tip number two!

TWERK CONTESTS!!!! don’t even get me started! lets just move on. But in all honesty, it depends on who you are, and if you can/’t shake what yo mama gave ya. and enjoy twerking… By all means, be my guest. Being in college is a totally surreal experience if you are an introvert, like myself. It’s almost as if everyone is just a raging bunch of banshees and you are the only civilized banshee in the bunch of.. banshees.. okay. Well that isn’t exactly what I meant. It’s as if you are in a zoo, right? and its your first time at a zoo, and you don’t know where very many thing are so you ask a zoo keeper what the heck TCCW stands for, and the zoo keeper tells you Thomas Complex Central Wing, then you ask the zoo keeper where that is and they tell you all the way up the hill past Preston, and you are looking at your map and thinking does this lady knew that this is my first time searching for TCCW and I have not a single clue where Preston is, or who he is, or if he is a building, or what animals are housed there – which! quick to add, is where the elephants are housed, why else would I want to go to TCCW!? Anyway sometimes you have to tell the zoo keepers that it is your first time being at the zoo, or if you zoo is extremely hilly like mine. look for the zoo keeper, their thighs re usually bulked  bit and you know who is a senior zoo keeper and who isn’t. So, how do you not get lost in the zoo what we all like to call College/University? You keep a map on you, then you know where the pigs are, the alpacas, and most importantly, the monkeys- I hear they love pickles, a little bird told me. Check with the head honcho and see of your zoo offers these cool pens that have pull out maps of the zoo in them.

Tip Number Three!

Meal Plans! If you know you can eat one of those elephants by CH but you don’t buy a meal plan of 20 a week or something, thwn I don’t want ot hear your tummy though your nose, alright? Meal plans are mandatory if you are a new panda on the block, however it’s nice t keep some bamboo in your dorm room if you could eat a whole elephant! I tend to keep oats, and milk, because I like horse food and cows breast milk, like tons of other people. Anyway, lets sum up this zoo in a few short tips.

wear walking shoes

Come on, we all know your hoofs get tired

keep a bottle of water on you

We are all need to stay hydrated, water you drink with your hands, or with your lips or tongue… or what ever else you drink with(?)

keep a snack on you!

we are all piggies, we all have piggie dreams. Alright, there is your view of College freshman! I start school tomorrow but I already have my expert status, as instates by my four sock monkeys upon my bookshelf- your argument is invalid! The vote was unanimously I am not an expert freshman, and I haven’t had my first day of school yet.   All jokes aside, if you are a new person at the zoo, keep your head up and ask plenty of questions about the campus! Happy School year you animals! Save 10% on All Products

Moana “How Far I’ll Go” Parody

Watch this hilarious literal version of the song “How Far I’ll Go” from the movie Moana!

Crossing A Lion

Crossing A Lion / Stop Lion To Yourself  It’s a jungle out there. Literally, that is what is outside our offices. So, as we watch wild pickles herding across the Savannas of Maple Grove, Monkey Pickles is sensitive to the outrage sweeping the internet about the controversial demise of Cecil the lion. Firstly …. BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!! Hunting for sport is questionable to begin with. You can get that thrill for your ego in other nonlethal ways. Secondly … to hunt, legally or otherwise, a species whose numbers are dwindling is extra sketchy. So …….. BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!! … again. That said, does Walter James Palmer deserve the full force of the internet backlash ?LION HUNTER FLAKES 2 It is alleged that in July Palmer traveled to Zimbabwe near the Hwange National Park. Once there, with the aid of a local farmer and a local hunter, an animal carcass was strapped to their vehicle which was then driven to just outside of the boundary of Hwange National Park. Hunting inside of the park is not legal but the plan appears to have been to lure a lion outside of that protected zone … and that is the trap Cecil wandered into. Palmer’s claims that he put his trust in the locals who had arranged the hunt and hunting permits but his defense of ignorance feels pretty disigenuous given the grusome account of Cecil’s death, that Palmer allegedly paid $50,000 for the “experience” and that the group is reported to have attempted to hide Cecil’s tracking device. You do not look like an innocent man who has gone through all the proper channels and if somehow you are then it is difficult to believe that you were so naïve to at no point did you think, ” Hhmm … This doesn’t feel totally legit, maybe I should call it off. “ Worse still is that if a new lion moves in to take over Cecil’s pride, it will likely kill his cubs. Not responsible hunting, Mr. Palmer. Hopefully, Palmer will think hard about his life choices and given his first plea for clemency, he may want to think a little longer before offering an explanation of his actions. That said, vilifying one guy is perhaps ducking a bigger issue. There are many equally valid stories that do not catch the media’s interest. Destroying one individuals life because of one admittedly huge mistake is the level of reaction that can create a martyr instead of an example. Outrage is easier than getting involved in constructive support of wildlife. Write to your congressman about the import of big game trophies. Spare a dollar or two for the WWF. Singling out this one despicable case without addressing the underlying issues is like throwing eggs at Tom Cruz’s house after reading that he eats Frosted Flakes on account of their policy of pressing a fresh tiger on to the design of each cereal box, while other people throw eggs at you because you are not throwing cage free chicken eggs. You may be missing your target.

Banana Anatomy

When you think of a banana’s anatomy, chances are you don’t consider the term “leathery berry” or “finger.” That’s because you haven’t been thinking about banana anatomy enough in your day-to-day life; we’ll forgive this blasphemy and teach you a thing or two about the anatomy of a banana!

Bananas are a starchy, sweet botanical berry (yes, it’s a BERRY!) and edible fruit that come from flowering plants aptly name the banana plant.

The banana plant grows from a “corm,” which serves as a sturdy underground banana plant stem to survive harsh weather conditions, like a drought or extreme cold. It is essentially the bulb of the banana plant, although they are built of solid tissue vs. the layered scales of a bulb. A cluster of bananas is called a “hand,” and a single banana is called a “finger,” which is a concise yet mildly unappetizing way of describing their growth patterns. Each hand consists of about 10 to 20 fingers. The outer layer of the banana, best known as the peel or skin of a banana, protects the soft inner portion of the banana. In between the peel and the soft fruit in the anatomy of a banana are thin membranes called phloem bundles. The phloem bundles are the part of banana anatomy that transports sucrose (sap) and other soluble organic compounds. Essentially, the phloem bundles grab sap made through photosynthesis, and bring it to parts of the banana that do not have photosynthetic properties. In some ways, this part of banana anatomy mimics the way our veins and arteries carry blood through our bloodstream! The fibers of phloem bundles in the anatomy of a banana can be used to make fabric, paper, or baskets.

Wild banana anatomy is drastically different than the typical banana anatomy we are accustomed to in our everyday lives.

The wild anatomy of a banana consists of mostly large, inedible seeds surrounded by some starchy pulp: not exactly the consistency we are looking for in a grab-and-go fruit. Banana Fruit, Banana Tree, Banana Seeds, Banana Anatomy, Banana Plant,The above photo of wild banana anatomy is just the tip of the iceberg: there are many variations of banana anatomy! Take, for instance, the Musa velutina, or the hairy pink banana: Banana Fruit, Banana Tree, Banana Seeds, Banana Anatomy, Banana Plant, Pink Banana This adorable species of seeded banana has fruits 3 inches long (SQUEE!), covered in pink skin with vellous “hair.” The banana anatomy consists of edible fleshy pulp, and a multitude of seeds that are extremely hard- like chip-your-tooth hard.

Through years of scientific breeding and testing artificial selection, mutations would arise that were actually beneficial to the edibility of banana anatomy.

The domestication of the banana meant that the the wild banana would need a sleek new physique and new banana anatomy to ap-PEEL to the average grocery shopper. The Cavendish banana- or Musa acuminata– emerged as the front-runner for the most consumer-friendly banana anatomy. The Cavendish banana anatomy is soft and sweet, with small, sterile seeds in the middle of the banana, promoting the overall aesthetic and edibility of the fruit. The skin of a this domesticated banana goes through an artificial ripening process to give it the quintessential bright yellow color we associate with a nice, ripe banana at the grocery store. Without this process, the Cavendish banana anatomy starts as a green-yellow color and ripens to brownish-yellow. The coolest part about the anatomy of a banana ripening process: ripened bananas fluoresce in BLUE when exposed to UV light! This fluorescence depends on the chlorophyll breakdowns in the banana peels: green, unripe bananas do not have the same fluorescence as their ripe counterparts. The same decreased fluorescence occurs with over-ripened bananas.

Why is fluorescence even a thing in banana anatomy?

According to a 2010 study called “Blue Luminescence of Ripening Bananas,” there are two suggestions:
  1. The fluorescence actually helps some animals find the perfect banana ripeness! Because some animals have a large field of UV vision, the fluorescence on the banana peel seems to correlate with this ability, allowing these animals to see a vivid shade of blue when looking for the best, most edible bananas.
  2. The FCC’s (fluorescent catabolites of chlorophyll, or intermediates of chlorophyll breakdown) in the banana peels may be related to more important roles in the internal world of banana anatomy, not only just for the breakdown of chlorophyll.

Banana Anatomy Health Benefits

Literally every aspect of banana anatomy is edible. The banana peel, although fluorescent, is completely edible. In fact, in many parts of the word, it’s eaten as frequently as the fleshy interior! A banana peel contains vitamins B6 and B12, magnesium, potassium, fiber, protein, and other compounds that are beneficial to health. Because the banana peel is not as sweet as banana flesh, it is usually served cooked, boiled, or fried. As far as the interior pulp of the banana, it seems that the anatomy of a banana is chock-full of anti-oxidants and healthy content. One of the most talked-about positive attributes of banana anatomy is its high potassium content. Potassium helps your nerves function, heartbeat stay regular, move nutrients into cells and waste products out of cells. The mineral can also help balance blood pressure by negating some of sodium’s harmful effects. There are many other aspects of banana anatomy that are great for your health! One banana can provide almost 10% of a daily fiber requirement, making them great for regularity and helping to curb food cravings. Bananas also contain Vitamin A, which improves and maintains vision, and vitamin B6 is essential for great sleep, weight loss, and protects against type 2 diabetes. As you can see, banana anatomy is not for the faint of heart; it is a broad topic with many different compelling directions to dive into. You’ll never look at the anatomy of a banana the same way again! Source: StudySource: Banana SeedsSource: Banana FactsSource: Banana Nutrition, Source: Potassium, Source: Bananas

What’s Worse: A Really Runny Nose Or Really Bad Breath?

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There are lots of ways to create small social awkwardness in your day…

What’s Worse: A Really Runny Nose Or Really Bad Breath?

Weight-Loss Diet

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Below is a generalized weight-loss diet plan.  This is not catered to anyone’s exact specifications and this is more of a set of guidelines than a customized diet plan.  If you would like to get a customized weight-loss plan of your own please contact us. Meal 1 3-4 egg whites 1/2 cup oatmeal 1 scoop protein powder   Meal 2 3-5 oz lean protein (white fish, chicken, ground turkey) 1/2 cup sweet potatoe 1 cup green vegetables   Meal 3 Same as Meal 2 plus protein shake   Meal 4 3-5 oz lean protein (white fish, chicken, ground turkey) 1 cup green vegetables 1 tsp olive oil   Meal 5 Protein shake or 3-4 Egg Whites

What Popular Food Do You Really Hate?

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It seems like food fads come and go faster than ever these days. Remember rainbow bagels?

What Popular Food Do You Really Hate?

Second Chance Addictions

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Instead of a pot filled with gold,

one thrift store in Seattle got a bag filled with pot. (Link Here) At an undisclosed store an employee found a 2.5 pound bag of some sweet ganja. Now sure some are thinking, ‘Well that’s dumb. How can that help anyone?’ While some others are thinking ‘Sometimes, all you need is weed.’ While they’re quickly getting their rolling papers out to start building a fat one.  

Mr. Jeromia Dooblin, a frequent thrift store shopper

has taken this dubious (or doobious) event and decided to branch out with it. Dooblin has decided to open his own thrift store that specializes in used and unused drug and alcohol paraphernalia.  

“It’s going to be called ‘SECOND CHANCE ADDICTIONS.”

Dooblin said. “Why waste any unused pot, booze, cigarets, or any other drugs just cause someone may be quitting.” the store owner explained. But isn’t that part of the addiction recovery process? Dooblin paused scratched his bushy red beard and took a puff of his cigar. “Sure I guess. But why throw it all away when someone else may can use it? And sometimes the addict relapses. They can come into my store and buy it back for half of what they first spent.” So what is ‘Second Chance Additions’ accepting?
  • Marijuana, any size amount.
  • Alcohol of all kinds. Used and unused. (alcohol is self sanitizing the store owner explained)
  • Flasks, beer mugs, beer holders, and kegs all new or used
  • Bongs any kind, bubblers, pipes, herb grinders, papers all new or used
  • Cigaret packs full or half, cartons, tobacco, rolling papers, cigars, and smoking pipes new or used
  • NO illegal drugs or paraphernalia

Is ‘Second Chance Addictions’

taking advantage or exploiting addicts and their problems? “Hey, we’re all addicted to something.” Dooblin said. “I think we make too big a deal out so called addictions.” Dooblin continued making quotation marks with his pudgy fingers. They continued, “I feel like live and let live. Don’t make outcasts out of these people. They’re grown, and should be able to get a deal on some goods if they can.”

Dooblin drove me to the building where

the new drug and alcohol thrift store was going to be. I asked while looking over the just being renovated building, if he had or will he be purchasing licenses to sell these products. Dooblin was quite for a long moment. He looked hard at me with his beady blue eyes and said, “Ah dang!”      

What’s Your Personal Road Rage Reaction?

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Let’s face it: There’s no one else on the road who drives as well as you do. If everyone drove right, there wouldn’t be a problem. But nooooo, some idiot has to go drive like a moron every single day.

What’s Your Personal Road Rage Reaction?

Time Flies By…

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Here is a great waste of time message that came across. We dont take credit for creating this just take credit for bloggin it 🙂 Only a true ceritifed goofball would come up with this. HAHAHAH You could totally mix it up and add in some flies, beetles etc.. to make a really great story.. Any takers? What to do when you are bored at work… 1. Kill a few flies (look at the size of these!) 2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour. 3. Once they are dry, pick up a pencil and paper… Let your imagination flow.  

Most Annoying Kid In The World

  Some kid you definitely would like to squish.. Joe Cartoon is a classic and should most be read when drunk. It was the first on the scene that caused viral madness with funny cartoons and flash based interaction. Its always good to go and waste some time at Joe Cartoon Joe Cartoon use to be hosted on its own website but the owner has sorta taken a leave of absence from the whole series. heck it was founded in 1998 !! But the world still thanks them for bringing the crazy.

One Day, A Man’s Wife Disappeared In A Boating Accident…

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Funny Joke Of The Day

One day, a man’s wife disappeared in a boating accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia. The day after his wife disappeared in the bay, the man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. “We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties. “Tell me! Did you find her!?” the husband shouted. The Mounties looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?” Fearing the worst, the ashen-faced husband said, “Give me the bad news first.” The second Mountie said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.” “Oh my god!” exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?” The Mountie continued, “When we pulled her up, she had six 25 lb snow crabs and 12 big lobsters clinging to her.” Stunned, the husband demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news?!” The Mountie answered, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”  

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

  (Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

How To Win At Checkers Every Time

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If chess is the sport of kings, then checkers is the sport of grandpas sitting on front porches. At its core, checkers is basically a more complicated version of Tic-Tac-Toe, in that it almost always ends in a draw and that the only winning move is not to play. But if you’re looking for ways to completely decimate your elementary school acquaintances, then here is a great guide to winning at the dumbest game ever.

Pyramids

Just like the Egyptians did, you should build those pyramids. Arranging your pieces into a pyramid shape will provide defense for your pieces while simultaneously allowing you to press forward into their territory. And unlike Ancient Egypt, many people won’t have to die to make your checker winning dreams a reality.

Never Make Even Trades

When you do decide to go on the attack, never make trades that end in one piece for one piece. Every trade should either be a 2 for 1 or a straight steal. Remember, you’re beating up on a small child who barely can add two numbers together, so make sure you make every trade as unfair as possible.

Try Not To Charge

Don’t be so aggressive that you leave your pieces unprotected. Just because there seems to be a free road all the way to getting a king doesn’t make it worthwhile. Don’t be like Custer and charge to your death. Show more patience than the literal child you’re playing against.

Don’t Move Your Back Row

Seriously, you have zero reason to move any piece on the back row for as long as possible. It prevents your opponent from getting king pieces, and it forces your opponent to make more plays. And just to reiterate, the only winning move is not to play. Let your opponent do all the heavy moving, while you sit back and take piece after piece from someone who just learned how to tie his shoes last year and is currently working on letter sounds. If you lose all your forward pieces and you only have back row pieces left to use, you clearly didn’t read any of the other directions in this guide. If that’s where you are, proceed to the next step.

Be Ready To Bail

If things start looking bad for you, don’t be afraid to casually flip the table over. After all, you are the adult in this situation, so you should be the one who gets to make all of the rules and have your own way. I mean, if you flip the table over, what’s your opponent going to do? Fight you? Good luck, kiddo! After you have flipped the table and made your opponent cry, make sure you look him or her dead in the eye as you offer the challenge of a rematch. Most children would be too disillusioned at this point to agree, meaning you will forever be crowned champion and you won’t ever have to play this stupid game again.