Household Uses For Boric Acid: Zombie Edition

Household Uses for Boric Acid: Zombie Edition, Zombies, Boric Acid, DIY, Funny, Satire

Just when you think you’ve gotten then entire house cleaned up, you hear a little wiggle here, a scratch there. Before you know it you realize that there is a zombie in the corner, happily nibbling on aunt Esters leg. Well, as the saying goes, if you want something done well, you have to do it yourself. A few whacks with a butcher knife and that zombie is history. However, as we all know, zombie corpses can leave traces of bacteria and germs behind. Therefore, it is important to be able to get the stains up as quickly as possible, as well as control the spread of disease and stench as quickly as possible. In such cases, boric acid is your friend.

Boric Acid as Pest Control

Zombie droppings attract ants. There is no way around it. If zombies have camped in your back yard for any length of time, you know that by morning, your pumpkin patch will be littered with zombie droppings. While not dangerous to the human, these droppings do tend to have an unpleasant odor, as well as a habit of attracting ants, fleas and flies. Indeed, you can be sure, that after nibbling a few hours on your next door neighbor, that zombie will probably pay a visit to your garden to seek relief. Normally, zombies prefer to dig a hole, relieve themselves, and cover it up like a cat. However, this not always the case, especially when zombies consume the elderly, as the elderly usually have a higher concentration of laxatives and prune juice in their digestive system. In order to lessen the chance that the ants will multiply and enter your home, we strongly suggest that you mix a paste of boric acid, flour and some bits of food, and place them around the droppings. As a result, the population of ants and flies will be reduced.

Boric Acid as a Disinfectant

We all know the difficulty in making sure that an area is disinfected after a zombie attack. With all the hackings and whackings, both slabs of stinky flesh and tidbits of tiny zombie hairs can intertwine with the fabric of your rugs, couches and chairs. Not to mention that new kitchen flooring you just installed. However, most over the counter cleaners are expensive over time, and it would be nice to simply have something you could reach for in between kills. Boric acid is a handy, dandy little disinfectant and antifungal powder. Simply mix a bit of it with water, place in a convenient spray bottle, and proceed to spritz around the body. A spritz here and a spritz there, means that that once bloodied hallway can now be germ free for half the cost of a name brand cleaner.

Boric Acid as an Anti-Fungal

Intestinal debris: they’re the worst. However, that is usually what you get when you slice an invading zombie from stem to stern. We all know how much those zombies can eat at one sitting. Why, my best friend Alfie Chapel weighed a good 250 pounds, and the damn zombie had no trouble downing his entire torso in one sitting. As can be seen, zombie entrails can be quite problematic. There are over 20 miles of human flesh impacted in average zombie intestine, and that has to go somewhere. Indeed, zombie intestines have a tendency to spill out onto the floor, over furniture and across table tops, and the fact that they are in a state of decay, means that necrotic bits of loose flesh will always land in those special, hard to reach places. In an effort to reduce the spillage and stench, call upon your good friend, boric acid. Simply mix a little boric acid and water and proceed to do a nice mop up of the offending area. Within seconds, you’ll begin to sense the clean, and enjoy the newfound freshness.

Boric Acid as a Household Deodorizer

Yep, we’ve all had that occasion where you kinda find yourself with what to do with that decaying dead zombie your uncle Edwin left in the basement. Hey, it happens and we’ve all been there. Well, have no fear because right in your corner cupboard is a surprising and very beneficial little ‘fixer’, boric acid, or Borax if you have the commercially prepared version. This versatile little box of powder is just what the doctor ordered, to take care of left of spills, such as the one your uncle Edwin left for you. Never again do you have to suffer the stench of decayed, necrotic and rotting flesh after an attack. Simply mix up some boric acid in a spray bottle with water and spritz away. Remember, it is also very good for getting bits of rot, dirt and grime from your clothes, simply add 1/2 a cup to your laundry, and wash as usual.

There you have it. The perfect product to end all of your zombie cleaning solution issues. Boric acid is a no fuss, no muss product that can be easily mixed with water. If those of you still have access to markets or department stores, you may be able to pick up some commercially prepared powders which have added benefits. In the end, no matter which route you take, you can’t go wrong with boric acid.