It’s hard to get yourself to the perfect temperature sometimes. But once you get there, it’s all better.
Since I got a cell phone, my knowledge of cereal ingredients has decreased dramatically.
user/wis_corp
3 Fun Things To Do After Work
Work can be so exciting that it can be hard to find activities that measure up to the experience of being at work. This is especially true if you have a job where you have to deal with people all day, such as a customer service job, or working in the complaints department of a cable company. But here are some ways that you can make your off-hours just as interesting as your work time.
1. Pretend To Re-Shingle Your Roof
If you have a situation where your spouse is always pestering you about not doing enough around the house, surprise him or her one day after work by explaining that you’re going to re-shingle the roof. Grab some random tools and climb on up there. Once you’re up, immediately start throwing stuff back down, like used asphalt shingles and nails. Be sure to drop a tool off the edge and curse loudly. Make a big mess in the yard. Use a hammer to bang on chimneys or ventilation pipes that look like they would be noisy. If you’ve done this correctly, your spouse should be standing in the yard begging you to come back down to safety and let the pros handle it. Argue a little, but not too much. When you give in and climb back down the ladder, pretend to slip a little and almost fall to really drive home the point that you’re incapable of doing any sort of manual labor.2. Save A Pet’s Life
Earn yourself the Parent of the Year award tonight after work. This fun activity will work best if you have a cat or dog, plus one other small pet. Sneak into your kid’s room and take the gerbil/bird/hamster out of the tank/cage/ball. Go in the bathroom and drizzle a little water on the tiny critter. (It probably needs a bath anyway.) Now walk into the living room where everyone’s watching some made-for-TV movie. Hold up the gerbil/bird/hamster and announce that you just retrieved it from Fido’s mouth, where it was about to be swallowed! When everyone gathers round and gives you hugs, bask in the gratitude. Then quickly snag the remote and make yourself comfortable on the sofa while everyone is cooing over the frightened pet.3. Hold A Seance
Nothing makes an evening after work more fun than bringing the dead back to life! On your way home from the office, stop off and pick up your seance supplies. You’ll need:- Candles (a lot of them)
- Strings of beads (to hang around the room for atmosphere)
- Incense (duh)
- Beer (to coerce your neighbors to join in)
The Continuing Adventures Of Tartan The Ape-man, Part 4: Glee Mandrills
Last time on Tartan The Ape-Man …
Tartan gave a Glaswegian Kiss to a curtain of jungle paper, we learned about the anatomy of rhinos and Dr. Blancface put his master plan into action.
Will Tartan and the rhino, or Dr. Blancface, kiss ? Who’s anatomy will we learn about next ?
All is revealed in the next chapter of
Tartan The Ape-Man: Glee Mandrills
^ Click & Click Again to Enlarge ^
^ Click & Click Again to Enlarge ^ Household Uses for Tea Tree Oil
Tea tree oil. Just the name alone sounds soothing. Every word in the name sounds like something healing when you think about it. You may not have any tea trees around so that you would be able to make it from scratch, but you can buy tea tree oil at the store. Yes, yes, you ALWAYS make everything from scratch, even those rhubarb and duck meat cupcakes that you think all your friends love. But you’ll have to get over that here. Just go out and buy some tea tree oil, and you’ll be able to do so much with it that you’ll forget the insult to your pride that is the fact that you didn’t make it yourself.
Rub It On Yourself Before Going to The Gym!
Tea tree oil is known to be soothing to sore muscles. And when you go to the gym and push yourself really hard because you’re trying to impress that girl who works at the store that sells dog hair scarves, you will almost definitely end up with sore muscles after your workout. A lot of people would advise you to rub the tea tree oil on yourself after your workout (mixing it with another oil because its concentrated form can irritate the skin), but why not do it before the workout? Now you can actually be proactive rather than reactive and fight that soreness before it even happens! And a bonus – with your skin all oiled up going to the gym, you’ll look like those models on the posters that are plastered all over the place at your gym! Someone at the gym who happens to be a talent agent may even mistake you for one of those models and offer you a modeling job!Make Your Skin More Interesting!
Many people complain that tea tree oil irritates their skin, so they won’t apply it to the skin without combining it with some other ingredient. But why does this have to be a bad thing? If you have really boring, bland skin, why not do something to change it up? Rub some tea tree oil on it and let it have whatever effect it’s going to have, whether it be itching, redness, what have you. The effect on its own, in combination with whatever scratching, poking, and prodding you are going to be doing in the area of application, can only make your skin more interesting to look at! Would you rather look at ordinary, boring skin or skin that looks like a relief map of a whole bunch of volcanoes? Sure, it won’t feel great on the skin, but just try it and see for yourself that the effect on your visual experience makes up for the pain!Clean Up Your Trees!
Doesn’t it annoy you when you see otherwise perfectly good trees covered in feathery green crap? Tea tree oil is great for getting rid of mildew and toenail fungus, so why not try it on the fungus that is making your trees so unsightly that you took 27 vacations last year just because you couldn’t stand looking at them? You can’t afford to take that many vacations this year, so why not try dealing with the problem instead? If anything, this stuff should work better on the trees than on your nails because it comes from trees itself! Pour tea tree oil all over the fungus on your trees every single day and see what happens. You should see a huge improvement in not just the way your trees look but also in how you feel. Having more attractive surroundings will make you so much calmer that it will be like a balm for your soul as well.Create an Oil Painting!
You’ve always had an artistic streak, and you’ve dabbled in painting in the past. You have oil paintings on your wall that were made by a bunch of people whose names you don’t even know, so don’t you think it’s time you added one from yourself to the mix? Most people would recommend that you use refined linseed oil to make your own oil paints, but you can try using tea tree oil instead. Blend it with the pigments that your heart desires, and then let your creative side take over. You can paint whatever you want! You can paint a gaggle of geese taking a puppy to the circus, or you can choose to paint a picture of yourself sleeping with your head in your cat’s litterbox. Perhaps the best part is that you’ll know that this painting was created using something that has strong therapeutic properties. If you have skin problems, you can rub your skin on it. If you have a sore throat, you can lick it. What could be better than that?The Continuing Adventures Of Tartan The Ape-man – Better Lake Than Never
In a time that land forgot, a time when porridge roamed the Earth and man was not meant to fly, an ape happened upon a downed cargo plane bound for Scotland.
Upon that plane were all of Scotland’s fruit, vegetables, several charred skeletons … and a baby.
Fascinated by how anyone could entrust a baby with piloting a commercial flight and expect things to pan out smoothly, the ape decided to adopt the wee burn and raise him as its own until such a time when the child could explain the airline’s thinking and just how wildly the baby had exaggerated upon his resume to land such inappropriate work.
The ape never got that explanation, however, as the child developed a thick Scottish accent from cigarette packets a shortcake cookie tins also among the wreckage of the cargo plane.
The ape, like many outside the highlands, simply couldn’t understand its hairless pink son. Nevertheless, the ape was a good parent, and the child with a diet almost exclusively consisting of fruit and veg grew up to be one of the strongest, healthiest Scotsmen the jungle had ever seen … The legend known as
( Click the comic and click again to enlarge it some more …. oo-er )
Tartan The Ape-man.
Join us now as we accompany Tartan on his debut adventure ….
TARTAN AND THE DISAPPOINTING THEME PARK OF DEATH … AND PROMISE OF BACON THAT WE NEVER GET TO SEE !!!
( Click the comic and click again to enlarge it some more …. oo-er ) Weekly Recap: The Best Shower Thoughts on Reddit 7/14/17
If you’ve lived under a rock for the last 10 years, you may not be familiar with Reddit. Literally their motto is “The front page of the internet;” they’ve been a primary source for news, entertainment, and subculture for millions of daily users.
One of our favorite parts of Reddit is a Subreddit called Shower Thoughts.
Shower Thoughts are those sometimes bizarre thoughts you have while showering, daydreaming, driving, or spacing out. It’s a mixture of being “stuck” doing something mundane and letting your thoughts wander to some life-altering realizations or questions about the world.
We’re going to share our favorite Shower Thoughts for the week: 7/7/17 – 7/14/17
If we colonize other planets, synchronizing our calendars will be a nightmare..
user/c_a_s_i_o
I have no problem blowing $60 in one night at a bar, but I never buy video games for $60 because they’re too expensive.
user/jidery
Whenever my laptop freezes and I have to hold the power button to turn it off, it feels like I’m choking it to death
user/jdeeyu
I’m going to wait until the year 2020 to get a lasik procedure in the hopes of huge promotional discounts.
user/commasdivide
If I write “etc.”, I’m usually just out of examples of whatever I was listing.
user/therapist87
A poodle is literally a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
user/imjustdifferent
When someone says “so tell me a little bit about yourself”. I suddenly forget who tf I am
user/Skyranitar
If sloths were fast they’d be horrifying.
user/stz1
Imagine explaining cheese on a burger to a cow
user/DJTall
Source: Shower Thoughts on Reddit
More of our favorite Shower Thoughts!
Two Scientists Are Trying To Find The Best Source Of Energy…
Funny Joke Of The Day
Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.
They realize that no one has tried asking the energy sources what they think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, “What do you think of coal power?” The coal says, “Well, I don’t really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts.” The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, “What do you think of oil power?” The oil says, “Well, I don’t really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts.” The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, “What do you think of wind power?”
The wind turbine just stands there and says, “I’m a huge fan.”
Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!
Monkey Acronyms
Movement Of No Known Enemy Yaks
Must Our New Kids Ensemble Yell?
Music of No Kind Enraptures Yugoslavians
Men of Narrow Keesters Enrage Yugoslavians
My Octogenarian Nana Knows Enrico Yee
Members of Negev Kibbutzes Eat Yams
Memories of Naked Koalas Encourages Yippies
Mounds of New Kimchi Encircles Yanks
Members of New Kolkhoz Enjoy Yams
Colorful Tuna Salad Sammie
Here’s a new way to spice up and old favorite, tune salad sandwiches. By adding some veggies and substituting mayonnaise, you can create a deliciously healthy, so pretty you won’t want to eat it, tuna salad sandwich. Helpful tip: You can put these sammies in freezer bags and save them for later.
Healthy Tuna Salad Sammie
What you’ll need:
10 ounces drain Chunk Light Tuna in Water
¼ cups Yogurt, Plain
½ teaspoons juice Lemon
¼ cups grate Carrot
¼ teaspoons Dill, Fresh
½ teaspoons chop Parsley, Fresh
¼ teaspoons Salt
¼ teaspoons Dijon Mustard
¼ cups dice Onion, Red
¼ teaspoons Garlic Powder
½ teaspoons Honey
4 individual Provolone Cheese, Sliced
4 individual Sandwich Thin, Whole Wheat In a large bowl combine tuna, yogurt, lemon juice, carrots, dill, parsley, salt, dijon mustard, red onion, garlic powder and honey. Divide tuna mixture over the bottom portion of indicated number of sandwich thins. Top each with one slice of provolone cheese, followed by top bun. 16 minutesFreeze For Later
In a large bowl combine tuna, yogurt, lemon juice, carrots, dill, parsley, salt, dijon mustard, red onion, garlic powder and honey. Divide tuna mixture over the bottom portion of indicated number of sandwich thins. Top each with one slice of provolone cheese, followed by top bun. Wrap each sandwich in plastic wrap, then divide between indicated number of gallon freezer bags. Label and freeze.
Do’s and Don’ts of Pregnancy
Undoubtedly, pregnancy can be a very exciting time for soon-to-be parents. However, many people find that pregnancy proves to be just as daunting as it is exciting. Of course, all soon-to-be mothers want to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery with as little discomfort and pain as possible. Therefore, it should come to no surprise that many expecting mothers refer to pregnancy guidebooks. However, pregnancy guidebooks are frequently long and confusing.
If you’re looking for advice about pregnancy, look no further than this article of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” for a successful pregnancy. Fortunately, here at Monkey Pickles, we want to help our Monkey Picklers make sense of all the advice you’re likely receiving from family, friends, and pregnancy guidebooks. Simply follow these “Do’s” and “Don’ts” and you will be sure to have a healthy pregnancy and give birth to a healthy baby.
DO Go Out Clubbing in Your 8th Month
Now that you’re in your 8th month of pregnancy, it’s time to unwind and let loose. What better way can you do this than by going out to the club to celebrate with your girlfriends? Simply because your pregnant does not mean that you should stop having a social life. After eight months of morning sickness and cravings, you deserve to have some fun into the wee hours of the night. Bonus points if you go out clubbing with fellow pregnant friends! When getting dressed to go out clubbing, be sure to wear 6-inch high heels even if your feet and ankles are swollen. Also, wear an itty bitty dress that complements and accentuates your baby bump perfectly. You definitely want everyone in the club to know that you’re heavily pregnant so that you can be the star of the show. To ensure you enjoy a night of unadulterated fun, be sure to consume as many alcoholic beverages as possible until you’re blackout drunk. Not only will you have plenty of fun, but your baby will surely thank you. Repeat at least once a week until you give birth.DON’T Download Baby Apps to Track Your Progress
Whatever you do during your pregnancy, be sure not to download as many baby apps as you can to track your progress. Some mothers make the tragic mistake of downloading dozens of apps onto their smartphone to track their progress. If you ever feel tempted to download “just one app,” keep in mind that pregnancy is a natural process and should be treated as such. Therefore, you should not attempt to interfere with your pregnancy by tracking your progress and making changes to your lifestyle and habits accordingly. You may be wondering, “What should I do instead of downloading baby apps to track my progress?” The answer is simply have faith and continue to live life as you normally did before finding out you were pregnant. After all, what did mothers do before these baby apps? Exactly. Therefore, there is no reason whatsoever to be wasting your time fiddling with baby apps. Your time is far better spent on more important tasks, such as going out clubbing. Even if all your other pregnant friends are downloading a new baby app every other day, don’t submit to the pressure. You will thank yourself later, trust us.DO Sleep on Your Belly
As you probably know, lying on one’s back is often touted as one of the best positions for sleeping. However, if you happen to be pregnant, the sleeping position that will actually ensure the health of you and your baby is lying on your belly. Even as it becomes more and more uncomfortable to sleep on your belly, you should still continue to sleep lying on your belly until you give birth to ensure a healthy delivery.DON’T Go to the Doctor for Routine Prenatal Visits
Another huge pregnancy no-no is going to the doctor on a regular basis for your prenatal visits after finding out that your pregnant. In fact, you shouldn’t even tell your general physician that you’re pregnant in the first place. There’s absolutely no point in telling your physician that your pregnant because prenatal care is entirely unnecessary for your health as well as the health of your baby. The supposed benefits of prenatal care, just like the supposed benefits of vaccines, are simply a hoax touted by physicians in order to produce more money for the healthcare industry. Don’t fall for the hype and save your money and time by skipping out on prenatal care entirely. The supposed benefits of prenatal care, just like the supposed benefits of vaccines, are simply a hoax touted by physicians in order to produce more money for the healthcare industry. Don’t fall for the hype and save money and time by skipping out on prenatal care entirely. Certainly, your wallet will thank you.Do’s and Don’ts of Qualitative Research
Does just saying the words “qualitative research” make you more bored than if you had to sit through 14 hours of watching grass grow? Well, you’re not alone. The thing is though, the more people who hate it, the fewer experiments and innovations we get. So, that’s pretty lame. We want you to love it, even if it’s just so you pass the stupid class, score a date with that chick or have ever-lasting fame and fortune. Qualitative research really can’t be for everyone (unfortunately), but it can actually get much better if you know the do’s and don’ts when it comes to getting through it. Who knows what kind of ridiculously awesome discovery you can make for your efforts? (Hint: answer right below!)
Answer: probably nothing that awesome. Actually, chances are that you’ll end up thinking you’ve made some type of stunning discovery, only to find out that approximately one million papers have already been published on that topic. But that doesn’t mean you should give up! Buck the odds, prove us wrong! Follow these habits religiously to get better at qualitative research, and then write to us and let us know that you did discover something super awesome!
DO Understand Your Topic
Sometimes when people do qualitative research, they start with a very rough understanding of what they’re looking for. Sometimes, that can be great. It’s not like the inventor of penicillin wanted to work with mold. That’s gross. It was much more of a happy accident that he ended up saving so many lives. But sometimes, it means that your conclusions end up being entirely irrelevant to the topic at hand. Imagine publishing a study with the title Study Shows Ice Is Just Really Frozen Water: True Expose Tells All. We don’t even want to think of the names you’ll be called if you go to Popular Science with that paper in hand. That being said, don’t be afraid to take chances when it comes to doing your qualitative research.DON’T Try to Date Your Subjects
Whether you’re working with super hot co-eds, monkeys or economic data, trying to date the people, animals or things will just complicate your qualitative research. Because chances are you’re going to think you found the love of your life. Someone you can’t get enough of. But then you wake up one day and you decide that you hate them. The monkey’s bath time habits may have been cute before, but now there’s just water all over your floor that you have to clean up. Maybe that hot co-ed used to find your jokes super funny, but outside the lab, they’re just falling to their death one after another. Qualitative research has a tendency to cause you to lower your standards be. So keep that in mind before you decide that it’s time to buy that ring.DO Wear A Lab Coat to Look Official
Where do you think qualitative researchers really get their power from? It’s not from their years of study. It’s really from their lab coats. Because when you put one on, everyone starts listening to you. Add in a clipboard, and all of a sudden, you can tell people to do anything. Should they jump off a bridge? Should they divorce that guy? Should they take part in a new study that may compromise their ability to tell up from down? That power now belongs to you, and you alone. But before you start getting too out of line with that power, you might want to consider the ripple effects that you’ll have. You obviously won’t be convicted in court — you’re wearing a lab coat and thus free from the judicial system. But you might end up having unwanted consequences when it comes to people’s families, livelihood, etc.DON’T Do Drugs During Experiments
It’s just not the time. When you do mushrooms, you’re going to end up writing down the lyrics to Brittany Spears’ Oops!… I Did It Again, and calling that your report. When you do speed, you’re going to end up running 30 miles on a treadmill and calling that your report. When you do ecstasy, you’re going to go to a rave, disassemble a black light, stain some paper, and call that your report. When you smoke weed, you’re going to write 10 reasons why Dude, Where’s My Car? is the best, funniest movie ever and call that your report. Yes, it’s true drugs cause you to forget about what your research was about in the first place (but lets say you don’t listen to my advice, then at least choose the best place to purchase marijuana… of course its TheCBDinsider.com), and then you start stealing from your friends and family to afford more, then you die and no one misses you. It’s really just not worth doing qualitative research without a clear head. .One Day, A Man’s Wife Disappeared In A Boating Accident…
