Science fiction books, movies and TV shows have prepared us for a glorious and simplified future.
A man goes to heaven, and the first thing he notices…
Funny Joke of the Day!
A man goes to heaven, and the first thing he notices is a wall covered in clocks. He asks an angel, “What are those clocks for?” “Each clock represents each human on Earth. Every time someone lies, the clock moves ahead by one minute. For example, this is the Pope’s clock, it has never moved, meaning never in his life has he lied.” The angel goes on. “This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. It’s only moved twice, meaning Lincoln only lied twice!” The man asks “Are there clocks for other politicians?” The angel says “Clocks of other politicians? We use those as ceiling fans for the offices.” SourceSee More Funny Jokes Here!
Gummy Bears And Monkey Pickles
What internet characters would you like to see come to life from some of the most creative minds? Or what are some of your favorite internet characters that have populated your bandwidth? Peanut Butter Jelly Time ? Annoying Orange ?
For sure we can list off hundreds of internet characters that have populated our hearts and minds.. This guy is a classic..
Join the Monkey Pickles Mash Potatoes Club
A Frog Walks Into A Bank…
Funny Joke Of The Day
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation.” Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay because he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?” The bank manager looks back at her and says, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!
(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)A Monkey Is Sitting In A Tree Smoking A Joint When…
Funny Joke Of The Day
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says, “Smoking a joint; come up and have some if you like.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few doobies. After a while, the lizard says his mouth is dry and that he’s going to get a drink from the river. When he gets to the river, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the water. A crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard, and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was smoking a joint in the tree with the monkey, but that he got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says, “Hey, you!” The monkey looks down and says “Duuuuude … how much water did you drink?!”Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!
(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)Funny Words That Start With F
Don’t worry. These six F words won’t land you in detention for using them.
1. Fecund
Don’t glare at me like that. Fecund just means fertile. If you are a teacher and you write this on little Johnny’s report card, you can bet your bippy you’ll be hearing from his parents. “Johnny seems to have a fecund imagination.” “Excuse me! How dare you accuse our son of being perverse!”2. Fiddlesticks
Now, fiddlesticks don’t really exist, but if they did, I imagine they’d be adorable little edible tidbits that are perfect for serving as an appetizer at a cocktail party. As it is, though, fiddlesticks is simply an exclamation of frustration. If you cry out, “Fiddlesticks!” at a party, though, I bet everyone goes running to the buffet table because they really would be delicious.3. Futz
When someone tells you not to futz with something, keep your little mitts off it. They’re obviously afraid you’re going to break it. Especially if you’re reaching out to pick up a fiddlestick, because those are extremely delicate, and we want them to look nice for when the guests arrive. So don’t futz with the fiddlesticks.4. Fantastical
Fantastical is kind of like fantastic, but better. Fantastical is usually followed by something really exciting, like “the fantastical world of Dr. McDo.” Doesn’t that just make you want to know all the details of Dr. McDo’s fantastical world? If more books used the word fantastical in their titles, I bet we wouldn’t have any trouble getting people to read. “The Fantastical World of Single-Cell Microorganisms!” or “The Fantastical World of Household Plumbing Fixtures!”5. Feckless
Feckless isn’t a word you commonly run into these days. Usually you’ll see it in the old, musty pages of old books, where the author uses it to describe one of the characters. “He was a feckless creature, given neither to industry nor imagination.” Wow, what a lump. In those days, feckless meant lazy and irresponsible. Basically a waste of space. Now that we have digital books, useless characters like that don’t waste space because there are no space limits in the digital world.6. Fetching
This is another word that was used mostly by authors in the past. If a girl was described as being fetching, it meant she was lovely. Now if you call a woman’s libber fetching, she might think you want her to go get your house slippers.10 Things That Are Yellow
1. Minions
2. This Streak
source: thechive.com
3. The Borg Springing A Trap
4. A Haunted Banana
5. Cheap Goldfish
6. Coldplay
original image:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/yodelanecdotal/3073244775/in/photolist-5FzbAT-6ZUu3L-cuWbyA-rxaFn-5k9bGX-6N3UUN-6MWsdR-cCHmiw-cuWe8E-cuWdUE-8zE3Q9-8BEkYH-cgnXdG-cvebbG-jyovmE-6EJFwZ-6EJFnR-4WYGfh-3BokX-caCh1o-6N1Cew-bACwqJ-cgnX8y-c45nny-4YTTS7-cuWh6W-twAFc-cuWg5f-6a7Z8R-5DeY3q-cuWdDL-5cojhX-5k9bqF-5kdtBf-6MWtaM-6LZhB-caCh9w-7FGuyD-3Bodx-EsvD5-caChns-aT25oX-3BoeA-51RENj-aT1LQT-5kdtpW-5kdsWm-5jJMTT-59xyyC-6acucW
7. This Endangered Species
8. The Cheese Moon
9. Horrific Pac-man
10. Kermit’s Oilseed-Rape
2. This Streak
source: thechive.com
3. The Borg Springing A Trap
4. A Haunted Banana
5. Cheap Goldfish
6. Coldplay
original image:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/yodelanecdotal/3073244775/in/photolist-5FzbAT-6ZUu3L-cuWbyA-rxaFn-5k9bGX-6N3UUN-6MWsdR-cCHmiw-cuWe8E-cuWdUE-8zE3Q9-8BEkYH-cgnXdG-cvebbG-jyovmE-6EJFwZ-6EJFnR-4WYGfh-3BokX-caCh1o-6N1Cew-bACwqJ-cgnX8y-c45nny-4YTTS7-cuWh6W-twAFc-cuWg5f-6a7Z8R-5DeY3q-cuWdDL-5cojhX-5k9bqF-5kdtBf-6MWtaM-6LZhB-caCh9w-7FGuyD-3Bodx-EsvD5-caChns-aT25oX-3BoeA-51RENj-aT1LQT-5kdtpW-5kdsWm-5jJMTT-59xyyC-6acucW
7. This Endangered Species
8. The Cheese Moon
9. Horrific Pac-man
10. Kermit’s Oilseed-Rape
The Cult Of Banana
ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US.
What rituals would the Cult of Banana perform? What holidays should be observed?
(Here’s where we found this funny banana picture.)10 Funny Monkey Memes For Your Face
Who isn’t bananas for a good funny monkey meme?
Monkeys and their primate siblings are hilarious for many reasons, the main reason being that they are full of facial expressions that resemble how humans react to the world around them. A funny monkey meme is the ultimate source of hilarity because we can relate!
A good baby monkey meme is the cutest. Take a funny monkey image and slap some relatable subject matter text on it = a funny monkey meme treasure for the ages.
This funny monkey meme is all about that burn-out in your life who loves stating the obvious and being incredulous over it:
Baby primates treat their elders just like humans do- climbing, pulling hair (fur), and riding on them, like in this funny monkey meme:
If you have siblings, you know how to finesse any situation to make it *look* like something you did was completely innocent, like this this funny monkey meme:
A funny monkey meme gets even better if there is a dressed-up primate waiting to be picked up for a night out on the town.
Primates are often observed making comically human-esque faces, like in this funny monkey meme:
It would be remiss to not include at least one funny monkey meme involving a banana somehow, right?
Tiny primates look adorable when they’re staying anonymous on the internet, like in this cute funny monkey meme:
And finally, the quintessential funny monkey meme. It’s mildly offensive, sports a real monkey sporting a hilarious face, and would make your dad laugh. Funny monkey meme GOLD.
Natures Dick Pics 2017 Wall Calendar
If you are like us and have the same sense of humor as a 12-year-old boy, then we think you’ll love this Nature’s Dick Pics calendar. Because there’s nothing funnier than things that are not penises that look like penises. But don’t take our word for it, check out this rave review straight from the online product description: “We’ve put together a collection of nature’s finest shafts that will take you on a visually stimulating, 12-month photographic journey in 2017.” PLUS $1 from every sale is donated to the National Park Foundation and the Prostate Cancer Foundation, which makes this purchase basically a good deed. And stay tuned for our next product recommendation: Hairy Beavers in their Natural Habitat.
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Top 10 List Of Two Things You Should Never Do At The Same Time
Some things in life just go together so naturally we do them almost automatically. You know what I’m talking about. Like watching a movie and eating popcorn. Or rolling your eyes while you’re on the phone with your mother. It just comes naturally, right? But there are some things you should never, ever do at the same time. I’m going to list them for you so you don’t make these same mistakes I did.
I’ll bet you think I’m going to say it’s rude, right? No, I’m going to say that eventually you’re going to need the hand that’s holding the phone to, um, help clean up and pull up. Unless you want to walk around the house with your britches at your ankles while talking to your girlfriend. That would just be weird. And rude.
