Slot machines are literally money machines. Except they’re way better than ATMs because you don’t have to use a bank card to get money out! If you haven’t yet discovered the hidden secret of making money known as slot machines, there’s no better time than now to check out this lucrative source of income!
Of course, you shouldn’t just wander into your local casino and start playing slots without knowing what the score is. There are some very important do’s and don’ts of playing slot machines. Take it from an expert and follow these winning guidelines very carefully!
DO dip into your savings if you have to in order to keep playing
Look, everybody knows it takes money to make money. You simply can’t get ahead in this world if you’re not willing to risk a little something like your kid’s college savings for the chance to win thousands of even millions of dollars! Definitely bring all your spare change to the casino so you can use it to invest in the slot machines. But when that money is gone, be prepared to bring your bank card to the casino teller so you can withdraw all your savings. This way, you’ll be able to keep playing until you get over that nasty little hump of “bad luck.” Don’t let anyone know you’re emptying out the family savings account. They’ll just get all nervous and upset, and there’s no cause to needlessly worry them. After you’ve won big time, you can just secretly put all the money back into the savings account and no one will be the wiser. By the way, you’re welcome!
DON’T stop to eat while you’re in the middle of a slot machine session
Eating just takes away from the important task of pulling that slot machine handle or pushing the button. You can’t do two things at once with that hand, right? It just makes good common sense that you’d want to keep both hands free for the slots. One to pull the handle, and the other to deposit coin after coin after coin. With a little practice, you’ll be able to get a good rhythm going which will also be a huge time saver. Once you get the hang of it, you won’t even miss not eating. You probably could stand to lose a few pounds, anyway, am I right? Just keep playing and ignore those initial hunger pains. After a sufficient amount of time watching those slots roll around, you’ll become a little bit hypnotized and food won’t even enter your thoughts. In fact, if you play your slots right, you should stop thinking altogether.
DO dress the part
We all know you fancy yourself a savvy businessperson. Otherwise, why would you be playing the slot machines? You know how to make money the easy way, and most evenings you can be found at your favorite casino, pulling that handle and getting rich. But no one wants to see your Saville Row suits or Chanel dresses in the casino. Stop bragging about how rich you are thanks to the slots. You’ll only draw unwanted attention to yourself. Instead, dress the part of a slot machine player. Start with the fabric. Polyester material works best. It will keep you cool when you’re on a hot streak and keep you warm when your luck runs cold. Choose prints that are loud and outdated. That way, when you win the jackpot and need to draw attention to the money man, he’ll be able to easily spot you in the crowd. Now, it’s widely known that giant plastic ball earrings are the good luck charm of many a slot machine player, so be sure to wear yours. Complete your fashion look with hot pink lipstick and plenty of blue eye shadow all the way up to your eyebrows. Lookin’ good, sister! Now you’re ready to play slots!
DON’T stop playing
Slot machines are a game of chance. There’s no getting around that. But the more you play, the more chances you have to win! So don’t stop playing for anything. Don’t stop just because you are losing. You never know. The very next pull could be your lucky break. You don’t want to get up from your seat and have someone else sit down and claim your winnings, do you? The only way to avoid that from happening is to keep playing until you win big time. If that means calling sick into work, so be it. Anyway, once you win, you won’t need that stupid job anymore. You’ll be laughing all the way to the casino bank window while your boss is still relying on a steady paycheck to get by. Sucka!