Wacky Racers: Top Trump

Top Trump

It’s the classiest most luxurious presidential candidate to ever line up for those Wacky Republican Primary Races, it’s Donald Trump.

Wacky Races
All the other racers are flirting with him, consciously or unconsciously.
What are those losers even doing in a race if they are unconscious?
And … Is Bill Cosby running ? I am beginning to think he is, at least, from allegations.
Donald doesn’t run, he escalates.
He doesn’t run even when he is proved wrong ( which is never ) by facts ( made up by losers, like science and reality). No one can convince him that he’s wrong …. Really. … Doesn’t matter how hard you try.

I don’t know why any other racers bothered to turn up.
I mean, some … I assume, are decent people but when those states send their candidates, they are not sending their best. They’re gun advocates, war advocates, they bring rugs and some … wear hats.
Hats have no place in this process. There will be plenty of blowing off as it is. And wearing a hat indoors at a Debate Stop would not poll favorably with well mannered supporters.
Why other conscious competitors are even bothering to adjust their wing mirrors to try a catch a coy glance of Donald is beyond me and beyond them ( losers ) because Donald isn’t there. He’s not in your mirrors, losers, he is way out in front because Mr, Trump is SMRAT. … The smratest one there is, even when facts say different. Facts are wrong and that’s a fact. So, don’t make Donald smrat, you wouldn’t like him when he’s smrat … or any other time.
Mr. Trump is a doer and if America elects him he will do it like no body ever has before. And it will be classy. Classier than any knock off America that China could produce. America’s America beats China’s, Japan’s or Mexico’s America every time.
So just give up you loser campaign vehicles, you’re all dumb as rocks. Mr. Trump will be doing all the racing and you’ve been … backfired.

Anyhow… if you don’t already know Mr. Trump is the classiest candidate, here is some factiness ( even though facts are wrong ) to help you decide that Donald is the candidate for you.

1. Donald is rich. Really rich. So rich that when he speaks everything that comes out of his mouth is rich.

2. No one builds walls like Donald. Donald is the best at wall building. Everyone else has stupid idiot little walls. take that China with your much worse South American illegal immigrant problem.

3. Donald knows it is important to always have a classy ass on display, even if you are alone and that classy ass is yourself.

4. Donald is probably the least racist person you’d know, if you knew him. You can’t get him near the subject of race which is why he is in the presidential race to prove how not racist he is by making it not a race because all the other competitors are now losers.
Donald is most least racist about bicycles.

5. He’s not from Kenya. Not remotely. He is so not from Kenya that he may not even be from this planet.

6. Donald knows that Global Warming was made by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive. But, if Donald is elected, America will beat China at Global Warming and make them pay for it.

7. Donald’s Twitter is so powerful that it can make his enemies tell the truth, which is not an effect his loser enemies can claim their Twitters have on Donald.

8. Donald doesn’t get upset or angry at crying babies … not once … not even over several minute periods. He doesn’t want to insult parents by making them take crying babies out of rooms.
This is a great quality to have as a statesman on the world stage and at hospitals.
Also, Donald’s IQ ( one of the highest ) would not be able to limit itself to just one insult strategy.

9. Donald’s plan is to definitely defeat terrorist threat is so secret and classy that Donald may not know it himself or have thought of it … which is a level of national security that can give us real confidence in a Commander-In-Chief.

10. Donald knows that this very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record lows in fact, and our global warming scientists are stuck in rapidly thinning ice.
Donald will combat these freezing temperatures by putting an end to the inefficient policy of expensive bullshit, replacing it with a policy of cheap mass produced bullshit.


Broken News: Recent comments have suggested that, if Mr. Trump were to become President, he would marry the country. No justification for this claim has been offered and the notion has been dismissed as being as credible as an orangutan in a cowboy hat barking offensive nonsense at trout from the top of construction scaffolding.

We agree. Clearly the country is already in a committed relationship … although, it is described as complicated.

Previous articleCrossing A Lion
Next articleThe Camel Lot Mystery
Nick Jackson was born in the UK, the land of gunpowder tea, but moved to America to escape exploding cups of tea. He now lives in Florida where he attempts come to terms with concepts such as how flat everything is and whether the alligator is a golfer's natural predator. Nick has written for Monkey Pickles from the beginning, as established in Cern, Switzerland, with the discovery of the long-sought Monkey Pickle Particle. He is somewhat "freaked out" by writing in the third person. Nick is motivated to write for the pleasure of the experience rather than to pay the bills, but he does recognize that pleasure is still not an acceptable method of payment in most respectable retail outlets. He hopes to raise a smile or two before being ejected from the store.