Ted Ahead
March saw Ted Cruz launch his bid to shutdown the government with an executive order by becoming President, following which he may well keep another election promise by impeaching himself. Brave Cruz stole the initiative upon his Republican rivals by choosing to make this announcement before April Fools Day but humbly admitted that his campaign would still face challenges such as 5 minutes of scrutiny and educated voters.
Nevertheless, Cruz is currently the front runner in a field of Ted Cruz with a head start that has allowed him to walk and practice waving.
Here are some possibly campaign quote predictions to watch out for …
“Show me the money.”
“I want the truth … Only kidding.”
“I am a Republican Firebrand. That’s FIRE, brought to you by Ted Cruz Flame Incorporated.”
“The world is on fire, yes. Your world is on fire. FIRE, brought to you by Ted Cruz Flame Incorporated.”
“I feel the need, the need for less legislative speed.”
“I will get that shining city on a hill … and your little dog too.”
“Instead of a government that seizes your e-mails and cell phones, imagine a government that provides provides every citizen with a carrier pigeon trained in Esperanto.”
“As President, every Christmas I vow to pardon one ham sandwich.”
“Imagine a President who wears a crown of bananas … at all times … even in bed … even on state visits to regimes that oppress bananas.”
“Imagine.”
