Ladies and Gentlemen!
May we draw your attention to the center of the arena? In this corner, we have the media sensation, the exquisite exhibit of excess, that dark haired diva, mascara encrusted beauty, the ever-impertinent Kim Kardashian and her baby son with the strange (surprise, surprise) name, North West!
The challenger, in the opposite corner, a princess by choice, (she married quite well) with pearly white teeth and seemingly as pretty on the inside as she is on the outside, Kate Middleton and her baby boy, King George. (We just knew it would be a boy, she COULDN’T have a girl, could she?)
Here we have the battle of the mommies.
These women want much more attention for their babes than the average child’s mom could ever dream of obtaining. Specifically, media attention. The public’s fascination with the famous feeds this need. Or, consider for a moment: could this phenomenon be attributed to the media force-feeding the public with fickle celebrities until we, the people, are hopelessly addicted to vicariously living our lives through an image on a screen? Kind of like hearing a song over and over, eventually you come to like it. Excuse me, I digress. Let the battle begin!
Having a couple of months head start in this competition, North West moves out in front, taking the lead. He is lifting his Christian Dior skater beanie covered head, and the nanny has by now changed many a poopy diaper. King George, in the opposite corner, may lag behind in this category, but, one must concede, he is quite a bit younger, and the weight of a jewel studded crown is much more than that of a stocking cap.
The grandmothers beam and sit smugly in their snobby respective places of honor. “Mission accomplished” is written all over their faces. A carbon copy of her daughter with shorter hair, Kris Jenner cannot wait to make a star of her grandson. (Perhaps it will take a bit of the sting out of being called “Granny.”) See how she grabs the attention of the local media…and holds it. That’s show biz, folks.
Conversely, Carole Middleton is poised to be one of the most influential people in Great Britain – without a camera in sight. No nanny for King George, they say. The boy will be taught to walk and to talk like a king by Kate’s mum. His grandmother will make certain the royal blood which courses through his privileged veins remains pure. Her fame may grow, as a result of her role, but, we must admit, we did not know her name until she was introduced, did we. A bit disconcerting, that.
Observe, it is time! The mothers ascend into the ring with the babies. Oh, my, folks this is it! Where are the grandmothers? Oh, there, in Kim’s corner. Kris is pushing Carole away! Why was Carole on that side of the ring? Kim hands North off to her mother on the South side of the ropes and struts forward. Kate, more hesitant, clutches to her little Georgie and looks away from the unsettling spectacle. Kim waves to the crowd, ignoring the boos and smiling for the cameras. She confidently walks in high heels, certain she has all the attention. Poor Kate, she seems to be cowering in the face of such undeniable, however unsavory, celebrity.
Wait, what’s happening?
Kim falls to the floor! The heel has come off her shoe! Kate’s mother quickly kicks the shoe out of the ring and directs the focus of the cameras to little George. Kate beams a magnificent smile while looking at her son. The crowd is on their feet cheering! Kate Middleton and King George have won the battle of celebrity! Hurrah for Kate! A glorious victory! Won’t someone help the defeated get out of the ring, please. And, for goodness sake, keep her out!
Carole, in proper British manner, bows and retreats from the spotlight. She calmly scans the floor, finding the heel from the shoe which caused Kim’s fall from grace. Carole drops a note pad and bends down to get it, scooping up the heel at the same time. She breaks out in guffaws of laughter, unnoticed by the still cheering crowd. Sneaky lot, those Brits.