Welp. Here we are. You and me. Are you going to read past this line? We’ll see.
This is actually an article about Grazers. Grazers don’t read everything unless it is absolutely necessary, and don’t have time for long words like “Hippopotmonstrosesquipadaliophobia.”
Are you a Grazer?
Do you blow past any peripheral information and just get to the nitty gritty of what you think is in an article? Do you just share something on social media without bothering to read it? You may be a Grazer or know a Grazer, and you/they must be stopped!
Writers and journalists have to keep up with you non-readers, creating terrible content to appease the mind of a word skipper. Bleep Bloop Blap do you even care what I am writing? Probably not. Cool. Cool… so I’ll just tell you about my favorite food. It’s bananas. Bananas have potassium. Great. They also make a great pretend phone when you are cracking hilarious jokes with your friends or making it look like you are busy making sales calls at work. Brilliant!
It’s been a while since you’ve seen a picture or something to break up all of the boring words. Here you go:
I wonder if this is a problem we’ve always had, or maybe I’m just an old primate who thinks that nobody appreciates a good book nowadays. KIDS I TELL YA! (shakes fist) They don’t listen to directions! Are you still reading? How many times did you check your phone since you started? Maybe you are on your phone “reading” this… and in that sense, I’m just adding fuel to our short attention-span fire. I digress.
Ok, I’ll throw you a bone. You clicked on an article about cuddling, so here it is:
Cuddling Helps Keep You Warm
This is basic human necessity, like sleeping or breathing. We all need to be comfortable and warm. You know what you can do while you cuddle? You can read. YES YOU! Read a story about other people cuddling! READ THIS ARTICLE WHILE YOU CUDDLE I JUST BLEW MY OWN MIND. Do it.
Cuddling Releases Dopamine
Dopamine is our “pleasure center” that gives us a nice little cause/effect feeling. Cuddling can release this neurotransmitter and make us feel dandy. Another thing that releases dopamine? Well, lots of stuff, but primarily READING.
Cuddling Makes Us Feel Closer
You’re learning so much science today! Thanks for reading. There is a hormone called Oxytocin that is naturally released when we cuddle. It can make us feel a stronger bond with whoever we are with; that means that if you are reading words, the bond between you and the words will feel amazing. Prepare to fall in love with a book, or a recipe blog, or Monkey Pickles. We already love you back.
Cuddling Reduces Stress
Think about a time when you were a kid, and you hurt yourself or were upset. Did someone give you a hug or kiss your boo-boo? Did it “feel better” even though it couldn’t have POSSIBLY made a difference? Well, it DID make a difference. Touch, including cuddling, helps reduce stress. If only there were another way to reduce stress; one that included chilling out with a glass of wine, maybe cuddled up with a blanket and…. oh yeah! Reading. That’s what I was thinking of.
Cuddling Can Lead To… Other Things
Cuddling can also increase sexual desire! So cuddle, read The Cat in the Hat, then get down to business, or if you don’t have a partner, cuddle yourself, read something and find The best porn that can be found online.