We Ain’t In Kansas Anymore

Twerking Models Kansas

As two men in jet black suits look on, television cameras focus on the stage. The men listen intently to the radio receivers cleverly hidden behind their ears. One makes eye contact with the emcee and gives a slight nod as the signal. The circus master steps up to the microphone.

Welcome! Welcome! There’s a new animal in our circus today, folks. What you are about to see is an extremely odd and rare exhibition. Hold on a minute. On second thought, this show is seen more frequently than it should these days. But, with a tongue like a giraffe and the body and hairdo like Bart Simpson’s sister Lisa, the moves in this act will cause you to pant with your own tongue hanging out.

Oh, don’t worry about the kiddies.

Haven’t you been to any of their junior high dances? Everybody’s doing the “Twerk.” Those days of innocent waltzing and line dancing are over, my friends. We simply aren’t in Kansas anymore, nor Nebraska and certainly not Montana. Lookee over there! Kindiegartners are lolling their tongues around and dry humping each other. Vulgar? Heck, I heard old Webster took that word out of his dictionary. This is mainstream fun, folks.

And, let me take a second to mention our sponsors, those angelic Victory Secret models who never have enough material on to cross their hearts with anything but a camera. And our other sponsor, One Life at General Hospital II where Jack and Jill hop in and out of bed with whoever walks in the door. All the happy homemakers love it. It’s just fantasy. Just another kind of harmless twerking, it is.

So now to our show. We are very proud to present the media sensation joining the ranks of Brittany Spears and Lyndsay Lohan, the twerkiest gal this side of Nashville, Miss Miley Cyrus. Uh, excuse me. What? She sat on her licker? Hey that’s great! The drunker the better—heaven knows she’s not a bit talented when she’s sober!

The two men retreat into the shadows. One lifts his mobile phone to send a text. “Clear to take action, diversion in place.” He turns to his companion to whisper, “Syria will never know what hit ‘em and the public won’t even notice with Miss Miley in the spotlight.”

“Yeah, the Director and her record company will be pleased.”

The agents snicker, as they walk in the shadows toward the black government vehicle parked discretely down the street.