It’s about time hamsters took the blah blah limelight in today’s social media based Web world. With a corner on furry adventure, and things that smell, thoughts from a hamster aquarium seem a lock for today’s chitter-chattering world of online social talk.
First, we must define our terms (as Aristotle always said). Putting questions about how a hamster could actually know what Aristotle always said aside, it’s not actually a hamster aquarium. More like a cage (all right, it is a cage); it’s actually technically a terrarium. An aquarium is for creatures that live in water (aqua, see?) whereas a terrarium is for creatures that live on land and breathe air (terra firma).
Humans in an oversized hamster ball make good entertainment
The hamster ball has certainly opened up a whole world for us domestic hamsters (video). In so many ways superior to the now-outdated hamster wheel, which spun us endlessly in our cages without really getting anywhere, but gave us the illusion that we were getting somewhere, the hamster ball gets us out of our cages for exercise with a far better illusion that we’re actually going places.
So what’s the big deal with humans applying the hamster ball concept to themselves (see the ridiculous video)? First, why do you need it? You’re already free to roam where you want to. You don’t live in cages (for the most part). You have many other forms of exercise available to you.
The limited exposure I’ve had to human psychology, gleaned from the goo-goo-gaa-gaa-ing sector of the species who ogle the hamster through cage wires uttering silly, nonsensical sounds, leads me to posit a few possible theories. The human engaging in hamster activity . .
- suffers from an extreme degree of emotional and developmental stunting. Pretending to be a hamster, he secretly hopes that this will help him develop naturally and break through the barriers that limit his natural growth.
- is engaging in group behavior. Based on the fact that everybody is doing it, animal behavior becomes the height of human behavior; therefore, succumbing to his reptilian brain saves him socially.
- actually views himself as an animal. Many people actually think they are animals. I’ve never known a single human who thought himself a hamster, but there are worse things in life.
Whatever it is that causes otherwise sensible humans to act like silly hamsters, please set my cage on the edge of the porch so I can watch.
Everybody wants a furry adventure . .
From earliest cavemen to the modern version of Homo sapiens, every human has wanted what’s called a “furry adventure.” This could be sexual, and artists as well as scientists have explored this angle ad nauseum. But furry adventures are about more than sex, certainly. How about hunting? That’s been a part of human experience long enough to warrant fantasy-making activity.
That brings us to fur coats. No matter how protect-the-environment crazy women seem to get, they still want to drape animal carcasses over their bodies and step out. Guys, too!
All I can say is, if you’re actually staring into our cages because you crave wearing our little pelts out on the town, please consider we already have a hard enough life as it is—with rolling around in plastic spheres being our finest entertainment. Instead, go chase a fox or a squirrel or rabbit, please, and leave our furs alone.
We really don’t like being things that smell . .
Change the damned cedar shavings, will ya!
