The 10 Notorious Sandwiches Most Likely To Steal Your Identity And Move In With Your Woman / Man / Monkey / Cadillac Convertible

Are you out to lunch?
MP Ham Sandwich… and want to try something different?

Y’know, like the time you ran into Wendy’s wearing only a novelty prophylactic and shouted, “Did anyone ask for a condom mint?”

That didn’t work out so well and now you have a new job … but every occasionally you have to throw caution to the wind and take a bold step away from the Monkey Pickle endorsed Ham Sandwich.
So here are a buffet of edgy sandwiches ( What? … Sandwiches have edges. )  you might want to challenge your local Subway operative to make.
But if they meet that challenge, run away … run away quite quickly.


1. The Knuckle Sandwich.
Self explanatory, really. If you try to eat a sandwich that knocks your teeth out, how do you eat it? And trying to suck a sandwich up a straw really isn’t worth the trouble.


2. The Pig Knuckle Sandwich.
Not dissimilar to entry 1. in our list but far more organised and difficult to avoid. Not merely because it’s so tasty but also because it was the favorite means of enforcing the porktection racket, run by the Hog Father, that terrified the deli owners of New Pork. Eventually gang tensions culminated in a climatic battle between the pigs, Daniel Day-Lewis, dinosaurs ( why not )  and giant transforming Japanese robots disguised as luncheon meat slicers ( which hadn’t been invented yet ), in the capital of India ( for some reason ) and decimated The Gangs Of New Pork. As authorities literally mopped up afterwards, bacon was discovered and America was built.


3. The 4th Earl  Of Sandwich.
If you have not successfully avoided this sandwich, you are trapped in the 17th century and probably have syphilis. ….. Bad luck there.


4. The Ron Jeremy Foot Long
The administrators of Monkey Pickles have requested that I do not describe this sandwich.


5. The Swingers Sandwich
This sandwich SEEMS exciting but it’s more complicated to put together than you realize, usually ends up limp, is gone in seconds and rarely satisfies you. Additionally, it is often a bad idea to let neighbors help you make it, it is not suitable for a picnic or a wedding buffet … and it is very difficult to know what is mayonnaise.


6. The Wicked Sandwich Of The West.
If you live on the west coast and your name is Dorothy, then move ! … Seriously ! … ‘Cause this freaking crazy sandwich is after your red shoes. 
I mean, what does a sandwich need heels for ???? That’s how bat crazy she is !  You’ll literally have to drop a house on her to stop her.
And talking about bats …….. A monkey shouldn’t do that …. It’s weird man …. Just freaking weird ….


7. The Seven Year Sandwich
This is clearly passed its best before date. You should leave it alone, its not going to make you feel any better.


8. Erin Brocksandwich
a ) This is obviously a person. We shouldn’t eat people … It is generally frowned upon.
b ) Are you sure you want to take the risk ?  ” By the way, we had this sandwich brought in special for you folks. Came from a deli in Hinkley. ”  


9. The Sandswitch Blade
C’mon! …. It’s got blades in ! … You’re not that daft are ya ????


10. Sandwich Davies Jr.
It was rumored that this talented legendary sandwich would  make your taste buds sing if you ate it … but no one ever tried for fear of incurring underworld reprisals from The Wrap Pack. 
Previous articleHow To Open A Beer Using A Banana
Next articleLoving It
Nick Jackson was born in the UK, the land of gunpowder tea, but moved to America to escape exploding cups of tea. He now lives in Florida where he attempts come to terms with concepts such as how flat everything is and whether the alligator is a golfer's natural predator. Nick has written for Monkey Pickles from the beginning, as established in Cern, Switzerland, with the discovery of the long-sought Monkey Pickle Particle. He is somewhat "freaked out" by writing in the third person. Nick is motivated to write for the pleasure of the experience rather than to pay the bills, but he does recognize that pleasure is still not an acceptable method of payment in most respectable retail outlets. He hopes to raise a smile or two before being ejected from the store.