May 20th is the official “Be A Millionaire Day”. Not just anybody can be a millionaire (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to be one?). Here is a infallible, step by step list of how to be a millionaire.
Step One: Pretend you have investments
Pour over your financials with a fine-tooth comb. Not satisfied with your bank balance? Let’s pretend to do research about the pros and cons of investing. And hey, every millionaire had to start somewhere.
Step Two: Buy a smoking pipe and blow bubbles out of it
It’s one thing to be a millionaire, another to look like one.
Step Three: Become a pro gambler overnight
Go to your locally Native American owned Casino, bet a whopping $10. Lose all but $.01.
Frame the ticket and put in your cubicle at work as a reminder that all millionaires require a bit of prudence with their money.
Step Four: Wear a top hat and monocle.
Step Five: Search Wikihow or Howto Articles for Becoming a Millionaire.
Because the millionaires wrote those articles
Step Six: Dress your dog, cat or respective pet as a butler.
Sit, stay, okay now pass out the hors d’oeuvres.
Step Seven: Fine Dining and Smaller Portion Sizes
7. Put a cracker on your plate, drizzle some caramel syrup. Now you’re eating gourmet! Bon appetit
Step Eight: Rinse and Repeat.