No one hears the word “gold” and thinks of anything bad. Well, unless they have a gold phobia or were traumatized using gold in some horrible way. Gold is one of the most valuable things you can own, and you should consider yourself ridiculously lucky if you happen to stumble across a large amount of it to keep in your home. If you are one of these people who has apparently won the karma lottery and you have a truckload of gold in your home, you’ll be thrilled to know that there are many things you can do with it!
Catch a Magpie!
All you’ve ever wanted is a pet. Unfortunately, you just can’t afford one right now because of all that money you just dropped on diamond-crusted Styrofoam cups. So obviously, what you’ll need to do in order to get a pet is to lure a local wild animal into your home.
Magpies love shiny objects. Generally, they like to take these and use them to build their nests. What you can do is hang pieces of gold in your window, and leave the window open. That magpie will be lured into your home thinking that it’s scored big with the gold, and once you’ve got it inside, just shut the door. The magpie will likely freak out at first, knowing that it is never going to make it back to its nest. But the bird will end up getting something even better. It will have a new home with you and your piles of gold!
Destroy Unwanted Items!
Gold is an excellent conductor of electricity. It is used in all sorts of electrical wiring and in many devices around your home. Because it is such an amazing conductor, large amounts of it can actually attract lightning as well.
There are so many items around your home that you would honestly be better off without. Of course, you can’t throw them away because your grandmother’s ex-coworker’s love child with a random homeless guy gave them to you. And how could you explain to her that you threw away her thoughtful gifts to you? She would be crushed! So obviously, the solution is to have them destroyed in a way that is not 100% your fault. You need to get those things struck by lightning.
What you do is take all the gold you own and put it around the unwanted items. Wait for the worst thunderstorm you could possibly anticipate, and then once it’s there, boom! All of that stuff will be a pile of dust. The only downside is that you’ll have to deal with a large portion of your home being destroyed in the process.
Replace Missing Teeth!
Ever since you lost that front tooth in a Scrabble accident (don’t make the neighbor’s kid mad, he will hurl those pieces right in your face!), you have been incredibly self-conscious. And that’s understandable. But why feel self-conscious when there is something you can do about it? Now that you have all of this gold, you can make a new tooth for yourself and put it in your mouth.
Sure, it might make more sense to go to a Dentist in Endicott and have them give you a replacement tooth. But that would take money that you don’t have. In your specific situation, it makes much more sense to sculpt your golden tooth by yourself and glue it into your mouth. You probably don’t have the equipment to be able to attach it to your gums properly, so you’ll just have to attach it to the surrounding teeth. But now you’ll have a cool gold tooth, which is absolutely awesome!
Validate Yourself!
You’ve been feeling a little down lately. Your self-esteem has been suffering, and you have never felt worse about yourself in your entire life. Thankfully, there is something that can get you out of this funk. Think of how amazing it would be to be a gold medal winner. Those people at the Olympics definitely seem happy when they win them, right?
The only thing is, you haven’t done anything to earn a gold medal. That is why you are going to have to make your own. You have all the supplies at your disposal. You have all of that gold, as well as that knife set your roommate left behind when he took his trip which he told you would last three to five years depending on good behavior. After cleaning all the blood off the knives, you can start whittling your gold. Unless you have an amazing artistic skills, it probably isn’t going to look great, but who cares? You’ll have a gold medal!
