*Fire-Breathing Banana Battles Giant Sea Pickle Dressed As Pirate *
In keeping with the polite nature of Japanese society the Japanese Navy have been deployed to respectfully ask the monstrous combatants, if they wouldn’t mind battling a little less destructively slightly further away from shore . . . providing that wasn’t too much trouble.
In response to questions about when the navy would launch the attack, a spokesperson was reported to have said, that this would take place just before drinks after a feast in honor of the terrifying abominations.
Thermonuclear petroleum puppy slapping company, Ronsanto was not available for comment on whether their practices may have played a part in the unfolding drama. A statement was released, however, claiming that the incident was taking place off a mutated section of the Jersey coast which was a very very long way away from any of the company’s highly ethical facilities.
Something about this fantastic boast smelled fishy to us . . . but maybe that was because we were at the beach. Nevertheless we continued our smelly investigations and happened upon a disgruntled whistle blower who we interviewed after complaining that his whistle was spoiling a nice day at the beach.
The apologetic Ronsanto employee explained that he was simply frustrated to the point of violent exhalation through a tin whistle by the decision to tip any fruit and sushi out of company vending machines into the sea as healthy snacks conflicted with Ronsanto’s corporate ethos.
A representative of the government, dressed in pink motorcycling gear, assured our report that the situation was well in hand.
” The situation is well in hand. Bananas only have a shelf life of a few days. After that the sea pickle will lose interest & just drift off.”
The Ministry Of Employment echoed this, protesting that . . .
“There is no record of giant sea pickle holding down any kind of long term job since political reform in 2008.”
When asked if the government planned to take a more active role, the minister for being dressed as a pink motorcyclist said, ” Regrettably, the government will not be able to follow its usual colossal space robot strategy. New health & safety regulations prevent my colleagues ( gesturing toward four colorful companions ) and I from forming a human pyramid.” Adding, ” The insurance premium is just too prohibitive “