
*Fire-Breathing Banana Battles Giant Sea Pickle Dressed As Pirate *
In keeping with the polite nature of Japanese society the Japanese Navy have been deployed to respectfully ask the monstrous combatants, if they wouldn’t mind battling a little less destructively slightly further away from shore . . . providing that wasn’t too much trouble.
In response to questions about when the navy would launch the attack, a spokesperson was reported to have said, that this would take place just before drinks after a feast in honor of the terrifying abominations.
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Thermonuclear petroleum puppy slapping company, Ronsanto was not available for comment on whether their practices may have played a part in the unfolding drama. A statement was released, Â however, claiming that the incident was taking place off a mutated section of the Jersey coast which was a very very long way away from any of the company’s highly ethical facilities.
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Something about this fantastic boast smelled fishy to us . . . Â but maybe that was because we were at the beach. Nevertheless we continued our smelly investigations and happened upon a disgruntled whistle blower who we interviewed after complaining that his whistle was spoiling a nice day at the beach.
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The apologetic Ronsanto employee explained that he was simply frustrated to the point of violent exhalation through a tin whistle by the decision to tip any fruit and sushi out of company vending machines into the sea as healthy snacks conflicted with Ronsanto’s corporate ethos.
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A representative of the government, dressed in pink motorcycling gear, assured our report that the situation was well in hand.
” The situation is well in hand. Bananas only have a shelf life of a few days. After that the sea pickle will lose interest & just drift off.”
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The Ministry Of Employment echoed this, protesting that . . .
“There is no record of giant sea pickle holding down any kind of long term job since political reform in 2008.”
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