There are all kinds of expensive resume writing services available for job hunters. These places will take a good bit of your money in exchange for crafting you a well-written, effective resume that highlights your professional achievements and lands you the job of your dreams. Don’t fall for it! With a few clever resume writing tricks, you can write your own resume that gets you an interview. After that, you’re on your own, but as you know, getting your foot in the door is half the battle so this guide to the do’s and don’ts of resume writing should be your go-to source.
Before we get started, you’ll need some supplies. First, you need a pen and some paper to craft your resume. You should also know where you used to work, and how to spell the company names. Keep a list nearby of the telephone number of your previous supervisors. You’ll need that later, but not the way you think! It’s a surprise!
DO include things you think the hiring manager might like to know about you
Resume writing experts always say that you should distinguish yourself from other candidates, so feel free to mention your love of potluck office lunches, your ability to tie a cherry stem with your tongue, and your membership in the IRA. These are all compelling reasons why the hiring manager will call you up right away to offer you an interview. If you have pictures of yourself eating potluck, sucking on a cherry or shooting something, include those in the envelope so the hiring manager knows you’re not someone who kids about that stuff.
DON’T make assumptions about your previous supervisor’s recommendations of you
To prevent any negative feedback that might preclude you from being hired, refer to that handy list of supervisor telephone numbers I mentioned earlier. (This is the surprise part!) When you list the number, make each one exactly one digit off from the correct telephone number. This will keep the hiring manager from being able to reach your former employers. Trust me, the last thing you need is the interviewer calling up your old boss and digging up that old story about you holding your office worker hostage in the bathroom for an hour while you lectured him about personal hygiene. When the hiring manger moves down the list and keeps failing to reach any of your old bosses, he will by that time give up and move your resume on up to the “call for interview” pile. Because hiring managers are lazy, too, and besides, they wouldn’t want their boss to think they don’t know how to dial a telephone number. If anyone says anything, just pretend that it was a typo, and then give them another fake number with one digit off until they finally tire of the whole fiasco or offer you a job – whichever comes first.
DO include a photo of yourself with the resume, but only if you’re good-looking
(If you’re ugly or non-photogenic, skip to the next tip.)
Make the photo something really memorable. Again, you want to distinguish yourself from other candidates! That picture of you with the lampshade on your head won’t work because your face is hidden, but the selfie with the stripper at your best friend’s bachelor party would work great. Not only does it tell a little bit about who you are as a person, but it shows that you’re sociable and accepting of all peoples, no matter what they do for a living. Win-win.
DON’T forget to keep following up on your resume after you send it in
Experts recommend a politely worded, brief note inquiring as to the status of your application. That’s BS. What you need to do is implement a full-on onslaught of emails, telephone calls, texts and—if necessary—personal visits to the hiring manager’s home. Acting on the aforementioned knowledge of the laziness of hiring managers, you need to force their hand when deciding to interview you. Don’t let them forget about you for one instant. Let them know in no uncertain terms that you’re not to be trifled with. In this way, they will see that you’re not only the best candidate for the job, but that if they don’t hire you, there will be hell to pay.
Let 2017 be your best year yet. These practical tips for resume writing will help you really make a lasting impression on the hiring manager. The notoriety that you’ll gain will get you noticed and maybe even your name in the papers!
