I woke up this morning with an intense craving. But, the craving wasn’t for sugary cereal, which obviously is normal in the morning, or for granola, a fruit bowl or even candied bacon encrusted almond pancakes with blueberry syrup. This surprised me. Bacon is almost always the answer. In fact, the times that it isn’t, it still is. No, I had a craving for something different, something special, something delphinidae.
Is That a Real Word?
Kind of, but only if you think science is a real subject. It means dolphin. I wanted chocolate-covered dolphins. Like, bad. I needed them. I needed them here. I needed them there. I needed them on a house, in a mouse, in a box, on a fox and so on. The siren song of chocolate-covered dolphins was calling, and I couldn’t resist.
What the Heck Are Chocolate-Covered Dolphins?
Is that a serious question? It can’t be, but I’ll tell you anyway. Chocolate-covered dolphins are the greatest snack since squash sandwiches, which haven’t been invented yet. They’re future cool, in the present. And, you can make them at home without any special astronaut equipment. I do. You take your standard monkey pickle, you know about those? Excellent. Take one of those bad boys, peel back the protective yellow business suit — and I mean all the way back. Go full monkey pickle for this one — and dip that beautiful golden boomerang in some freshly melted chocolate.
Now, I like a semi-sweet robe of cocoa solids, but others like milk or even white. Naturally, I don’t trust them. Others, and I won’t name names, but others have been known to go hog wild for some Nutella dolphins. They’re not welcome at group anymore.
What’s the best thing about chocolate-covered dolphins? I mean, you need more? We should talk about that in a second. The best thing is that they have zero calories. That last part might not be true. I’m not a scientist.
I Forgot What I Was Talking About
Oh, yes. My craving. It should have been easy to satisfy, but — and I confess this with all due embarrassment — I had run out of monkey pickles the night before. Gone. Gobbled up in a fit of desire for banana bedtime snacks. You know the ones, with the absolutely delicious flavor? Yeah, those. So, I knew it was time for an adventure.
Time For an Adventure
Like all great epic journeys, such as those by Tolkien, Homer and Coleridge, my adventure was fraught with danger, intrigue, unforgettably quirky characters and at least several dozen songs I made up on the fly using perfect Iambic Pentameter. The challenges I faced in order to acquire some perfectly ripe and biteable monkey pickles changed me, deeply and forever. It makes for a fantastic story, I should tell you it sometime.
All Hail the Conquering Hero
I felt the appropriate amount of giddy pride for having accomplished my goal. Now it was time to settle in and enjoy the literal fruits of my labor, coated in the silky sepia sheen of semi sweet chocolate.
And that, my dear friends, is when I realized I was fresh out of chocolate.
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