As a freshman in college,

I feel like an expert on all things university life.. As I came on campus a week early to scope out this sketchy scene. So here is an article mixed with tips about this campus and campus life. Okay? Okay. (Get it? Okay? No? John Green… anyone? Okay.)

Last night a group of friends and I went to a smoking bar (no worries, I don’t smoke, nothing fore passed these lips!), and all was well till we got hungry-I know what you are thinking, now stop thinking it! We did not smoke. So, I guess the first tip is scope out the area for a burger joint, or Taco Bell. We walked half a mile till we found a joint that was open. #ThankGodForRally’s.

Tip number two!

TWERK CONTESTS!!!!

don’t even get me started! lets just move on.
But in all honesty, it depends on who you are, and if you can/’t shake what yo mama gave ya. and enjoy twerking… By all means, be my guest.

Being in college is a totally surreal experience if you are an introvert, like myself. It’s almost as if everyone is just a raging bunch of banshees and you are the only civilized banshee in the bunch of.. banshees.. okay. Well that isn’t exactly what I meant. It’s as if you are in a zoo, right? and its your first time at a zoo, and you don’t know where very many thing are so you ask a zoo keeper what the heck TCCW stands for, and the zoo keeper tells you Thomas Complex Central Wing, then you ask the zoo keeper where that is and they tell you all the way up the hill past Preston, and you are looking at your map and thinking does this lady knew that this is my first time searching for TCCW and I have not a single clue where Preston is, or who he is, or if he is a building, or what animals are housed there – which! quick to add, is where the elephants are housed, why else would I want to go to TCCW!?
Anyway sometimes you have to tell the zoo keepers that it is your first time being at the zoo, or if you zoo is extremely hilly like mine. look for the zoo keeper, their thighs re usually bulked  bit and you know who is a senior zoo keeper and who isn’t.

So, how do you not get lost in the zoo what we all like to call College/University? You keep a map on you, then you know where the pigs are, the alpacas, and most importantly, the monkeys- I hear they love pickles, a little bird told me. Check with the head honcho and see of your zoo offers these cool pens that have pull out maps of the zoo in them.

Tip Number Three!

Meal Plans!

If you know you can eat one of those elephants by CH but you don’t buy a meal plan of 20 a week or something, thwn I don’t want ot hear your tummy though your nose, alright?
Meal plans are mandatory if you are a new panda on the block, however it’s nice t keep some bamboo in your dorm room if you could eat a whole elephant! I tend to keep oats, and milk, because I like horse food and cows breast milk, like tons of other people.

Anyway, lets sum up this zoo in a few short tips.

wear walking shoes

Come on, we all know your hoofs get tired

keep a bottle of water on you

We are all need to stay hydrated, water you drink with your hands, or with your lips or tongue… or what ever else you drink with(?)

keep a snack on you!

we are all piggies, we all have piggie dreams.

Alright, there is your view of College freshman! I start school tomorrow but I already have my expert status, as instates by my four sock monkeys upon my bookshelf- your argument is invalid! The vote was unanimously I am not an expert freshman, and I haven’t had my first day of school yet.

All jokes aside, if you are a new person at the zoo, keep your head up and ask plenty of questions about the campus!

Happy School year you animals!