Sure, we’ve all done it. We’ve all walked into the bathroom with the plastic cup in hand and peed while saying a silent prayer. “Please, oh benevolent god of Human Resources, disregard the results of this test.” Turning the cup over to the nurses, we’ve quietly rambled through all the excuses we could muster for the inevitable fail we knew we’d receive.
Don’t let this be you. Next time, go prepared. Next time, bring this list of fail-proof excuses.
‘I’m Addicted To Chocolate Brownies.’
Undoubtedly, your potential employer can relate. The scrumptious smell, the alluring richness, the crunchy outside. Who can resist? Certainly no one you’d want to work for in this day and age. Go ahead and confess: You’re addicted to those brownies that your roommate may have sneaked some marijuana into, but you just couldn’t help having another.
‘Pikachu Told Me To.’
Since everyone is playing “Pokemon Go” these days, use it to your advantage! Just explain that when you went to evolve your Pokemon, the creature told you it was time to get high. Given that you didn’t want to lose at the next Poke Gym, you had to follow his instructions.
‘I Had To Get Ready For Halloween.’
See, you’re planning to dress up as Cheech and/or Chong for Halloween, and you needed some practice. And you heard there might be a costume contest at this new job and you didn’t want to lose.
‘I Needed To Move Up To The Next Weight Class For Wrestling.’
Tell the company do-gooders that you’re having a hard time beating the guys or gals in your weight class for wrestling, so you decided it was high time to put on some pounds. We all know there’s no better way to achieve this than through getting the munchies!
‘I Went To A Rave 10 Years Ago And Tried Some Sweet Tarts.’
Well, at least you thought they were Sweet Tart candies. Unfortunately for you, the girl who sold ’em to you was really selling something else. Anyhow, now it’s 10 years later and, gee, something from that night must still be in your system.
And when all else fails, try the truth…
‘It’s The Only Way I Could Get Through This Election.’
While this one may hit too close to home, certainly your employer can understand. No one can escape this year’s presidential election, no matter which side you’re on. Just explain that the constant noise from the campaigning threw you into turmoil. The only way out was to escape through some “medicine.”