5 Excuses For Having A Hickey

Funny Articles, Monkey Pickles, good excuses for a hickey
Photo credit: Janek B.

The hickey. We all dread it. We dread the awkward stares. It’s there when you look at yourself in the mirror. You wish you could stay in bed to avoid embarrassment, but you have bills to pay so you get up and go to work anyway.

At work, you walk with your head down, hoping that nobody notices that blatant, red mark on your neck. But you can only hide for so long. Eventually, someone may notice. Here are seven excuses you can use in case someone notices your hickey.

1. Your Dog Did It

Your dog would not only eat your homework in your grade school years, but now he playfully nibbles at your neck, causing these red marks. Your dog just seems to love your neck and can’t seem to stay away! Your dog likes you, but a normal amount.

2. It’s Makeup

Your commute to work is a long one. You never have time to put on make-up at home. So you put on your makeup in the car on your way here. You almost rear-ended a car and as you slammed the brakes, the brush pressed against your neck, leaving a mark that you didn’t even notice until it was pointed out by someone else.

If you don’t usually wear makeup, you will need to start wearing it from now on to really sell the story.

3. A Leech Attacked Your Neck

Your mother always told you to stay out of boggy marshes, but you just can’t help yourself. Nothing makes you happier than jumping into a sulfury, warm bog and rolling around. Well anyway, during your bog session yesterday, you felt something sucking on your neck. As you touched it, you felt something squishy. You screamed and quickly smacked it away. The redness remained.

4. You Had A Mishap With The Vacuum Cleaner

You’ve always had unstoppable curiosity. You asked yourself what would happen if you turned on your vacuum, pressed the hose against your neck, and held it there for a few minutes. Now you know: It left a red mark.

5. You Were Choked Or Slapped

You just started training Brazilian jiujitsu and were choked and strangled a dozen times on the first day you began sparring against multiple opponents. Or maybe someone tried to slap you for a really cheeky comment and then they just missed and got you in the neck.