10 Crimes Aaron Hernandez Actually Did Not Commit

aaron hernandez football player


10, or whatever, crimes that Aaron Hernandez did not commit because they did not happen if you know what’s good for you.

Only a short time ago it seemed that Aaron Hernandez had the World at his feet. What has come to light since is that this may have been because he had a gun trained on it.
Any allegations are a long way from being proven despite compelling evidence from Hernandez’s home security cameras. Cameras which Hernandez staunchly denies having, in a video captured by his home security system.
Nevertheless, whatever truths the law may establish, the following are situations that the wayward former sports star has not had any involvement in.

Don’t you say that he did, for you will be bad … & wrong … & your pants will catch on fire.

1 ) Helping Guy Richie shoot Swept Away but not using a firearm to do it.

2 ) Playing a full NFL game using an actual pig instead of a football.

3 ) Pulling the wings off flies, birds, model planes, soccer pitches, sanitary towels, wingdings & Paul McCartney

4 ) Swathing a duck in duct tape & persuading it to rob a convenience store. The duck refused to quack, took the wrap leaving police unable to prove any egging on was involved in hatching the plan.

5 ) Stealing candy from The Royal Baby

6 ) Texting in a touchdown

7 ) Snatching a Faberge Egg and running 50 yards before stopping to hurl it to the ground & dancing in celebration.

8 ) Filibustering for 11 seconds

9 ) Throwing Norse Mythology into chaos

10 ) Hitting 73 home runs in a NFL season

11 ) Coughin’ in to soup :- Trying to hide a in coffin soup

12 ) Bending straight E s at high-school

13 ) Refusing to help a chicken to cross the road & a leopard to change its spots

14 ) Allegedly having connections to The Decepticons, The Anthill Mob, The Amoeba Boys, Gargamel and Team Rocket.

15 ) Being involved with stem cell treatments using flowers & operating as an unlicensed chiropractor.


Featured photo from http://imgur.com/ | http://i.imgur.com/zCc32IL.jpg

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Nick Jackson was born in the UK, the land of gunpowder tea, but moved to America to escape exploding cups of tea. He now lives in Florida where he attempts come to terms with concepts such as how flat everything is and whether the alligator is a golfer's natural predator. Nick has written for Monkey Pickles from the beginning, as established in Cern, Switzerland, with the discovery of the long-sought Monkey Pickle Particle. He is somewhat "freaked out" by writing in the third person. Nick is motivated to write for the pleasure of the experience rather than to pay the bills, but he does recognize that pleasure is still not an acceptable method of payment in most respectable retail outlets. He hopes to raise a smile or two before being ejected from the store.