The Parent App


I came across this article,

and perhaps it’s old news to all you techno – gurus out there,  but it was news to me. An app for parents to watch their kids on Halloween night while they trick or treat. Or for that matter anything they may be doing.

In these times where

we have so many up in arms about being ‘spied’ on, I could not help but hear the bell of hypocrisy being rung while reading the article.  Mom and dad can spy on their kids, but don’t want to supposedly be spied on by big brother.   Besides I thought half the fun of Halloween and trick or treats was actually going with your kids and for them going with mom and dad? Are there some Moms and Pops in this world that are SO busy and/or lazy that they will resort to letting their little tech devices babysit their own children?  Why not just strap one of those electric dog collars to a kid when they go out to play. (Do kids still do that?) Little Sally or Sammy venture to far away and they get a ZAP of discipline without you even having to get out of bed.

Better yet,

and this for you Apple.  I have your next million … (Oops, guess who’s stuck in the 90’s? THIS GUY!) I have your next BILLION dollar idea.  The PARENT APP!  Imagine if you will, an app that syncs to your child at birth.  Of course that would require an emplant of some sort.  More money in your pockets; right Apple?  As an infant  no more baby moniters at night.  The app would also alert minutes before your baby is hungery or about to do a piddle or diddle.  Avoid that obnixious crying!!!  Entering those toddler and preschool ages, never loose track of those hectic little scamps.  Every teeny tiny move they make will show up on the CPS.  (Child Position System)   Is that brat running you crazy and won’t take a nap?  Just hit the ‘do not disturb button.’  Nighty night kid.  Of course our new app will have a lie detector feature which will come in very handy as they enter grade school and teen years.  Your precious urchin being sassy and not minding?   Shut down all their games, I-pods, cell phones, or any other gadget of theirs with the lock down button.  This button also puts the delinquent on the parents very own house arrest.  Which you may have to if that little stinker decides to party like it’s 2999.   Mom and dad will know just how much libation their little party animal is having with the ‘Parent App’s’ own blood alcohol calculator.  A message will be sent to the parents when their child’s blood alcohol goes over the designated limit.  The parent sends a text and locks the child’s car down.  Then you just go pick your little drunk up or call them a cab.  What about allowances you may ask?  Easy greasy!  Just set up your pampered progeny a Paypal account and link it to the app.  Then you can add and subtract the kid’s allowance as you feel they have earned it.  If they want their money, they will have to ask the parents who can then add it to a prepaid Visa from their phone.

There you have it Apple.

Help parents take all the mental and emotional effort out of parenting.  Take all free will from children up to the age of eighteen.  At that age the ‘Parent App’ will self delete. It is all right there Apple CEOs and inventors.  I shall await my royalty checks.