It may seem when you read the lease contract for your car that there’s no easy way out. This simply isn’t true. The following are tried and true methods to ensure you don’t have to worry about accruing too much mileage, or about avoiding excessive scratches in your parking lot at work, and or trying to come up with the balloon payment at the end.
Build A Skyscraper
It doesn’t take a PhD to master the art of getting out of your lease. Simply purchase a few acres of prime real estate in downtown, file for the appropriate building permits from the city, and hire a construction firm with an appropriately iffy reputation. On the morning the foundation is scheduled to be poured, park your leased vehicle beneath the concrete truck and “just run inside for a report.” When you return the following day, the police and insurance company won’t be able to find it, even after starting its locator device. No more worries!
Take A Course In Urban Camouflage
Perhaps you need a more budget-friendly approach. Enroll in your community college for an extension course in Urban Camouflage and Art. After successful completion of the six-week class, visit the junkyard and collect a variety of old paint, ripped tarps, some traffic cones and chain link fencing. Next to your building, create a modern interpretation of a “Vacant Lot.” The repo man will stare at the spot all day long trying to find your car and only see an area labeled, “Under Construction.”
Vacation In The Bay Of Fundy
Now that you’ve enjoyed the past two years touring around the country, it’s time to let your leased car go. Travel to the Bay of Fundy in Canada. They have the highest tides in the world, with rivers and tidal plains boasting rapid and energetic tidal bores capable of overtaking a galloping horse. It’s breathtaking. Should you leave the car on a mud flat while raking clams, it wouldn’t be surprising at all if the car went missing in the two short hours you had your back turned. The sea holds its secrets well, don’t you know. Until the end of time, so they say.
Buy Up All The Shares Of The Bank
There is always the very American approach to wiggling out of a contract that you have little interest in honoring. Determine what financial company holds the lease to your vehicle. Initiate a hostile takeover of the company. On the first day as the new CEO, issue a memo that forgives all lease contracts for cars the company owns. Then quickly dump your shares before the news gets out.
See? Scrawling your name on the dotted line certainly is not anything like signing your life away. A little imagination and determination can eliminate even the most frustrating problems.
