Hold The Mayo (And Save A Life: His)!

California and minnesota, Mayo, south and north

He has been living in Sacramento,

California for about five months now after moving here from his Midwestern hometown. The differences he has encountered are legion and would take tens of thousands of words to document. Since moving to Sac in Cali(he thinks talking that way makes him sound all California-cool), he has started writing articles for a local online “newspaper”, the Sacramento Press. He writes about various things, most having to do with the culture shock he has experience since moving. Recently, he wrote a 500+ work article on California’s apparent obsession with mayonnaise as a condiment. After reading what he had wrote, it made him pause and question the state of his current sanity!

Yes, you are not having delusions,

at least not any caused by his article or mine. You read the words correctly. A 553 word article on mayonnaise as a condiment. We are not talking about mayonnaise in potato salad or tuna salad or egg salad. We are talking about mayonnaise on the buns which hold your hamburger, on the buns that hold your hot dogs, spread on the bread which holds sandwiches of various kinds. His roommate even uses mayonnaise with french fries the way that most people use ketchup with fries(like a normal person). She jokes that if terrorists or a hit man(is it more politically correct to say hit person?) wanted to get to her(why either would want to do so, I have no idea), they would get to her by slipping a poison into her jar of mayonnaise. Since she is the one doing most of the meal preparation in the house, this means that he may become an innocent bystander taken out by her hypothetical terrorists and hit men(hit people?).

He doesn’t want to be rude and not eat what she prepares.

That, and the fact that his food prep skills are limited to PB&J and Ramen soup primarily. But he also doesn’t want to die at the hands of mayo-poisoning terrorists. Once he figures out how to handle this touchy subject, he may move on to his next big project—ending her crusade to get him to eat things like beets and squash and enjoy them.