Chocolate Chip Cookies. Enough Said.
Because nothing is better than really enjoying 2:06 watching chocolate chip cookies getting made. It brings you back to a peaceful time and happy place.
What was a time you remember about Chocolate Chip Cookies?
Join the Monkey Pickles Mash Potatoes Club
A Chemical Engineer, A Mechanical Engineer & A Computer Scientist Are On A Road Trip…
Funny Joke Of The Day
A chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a computer scientist are on a road trip when all of a sudden their car breaks down. They pull over to the side of the road and start hypothesizing what is wrong. The chemical engineer says, “It’s probably something wrong with the catalytic converter.” The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably something wrong with the engine.” The computer scientist says, “Let’s get out, get back in, and see if it starts!”Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!
(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)How To Use An Abacus The Right Way
An abacus is nothing more than a primitive calculator. After it became outdated, it could be found in every doctor’s office. Abaci came in just about any form from practical and boring to bright and colorful. They told you how to add several things together when you were a child and were still trying to get math right. Instead of counting on your hands, you could count on these beads that could handle more than your fingers ever could anyway.
Always carefully examine the following factors before you use an abacus.
Have you been without power for the past 30 days straight, and are zombies eating your brains? Are you definitely back in time and not going through some sort of illness that just makes you think that you are? Unfortunately, unless the answers to both these questions are yes, then you probably shouldn’t have any interest in using an abacus. If you’re planning to go back in time to the days where technology did not rule the land, we want you to be prepared for your trip. We’ll tell you how to use an abacus so waiting at the doctor’s office will be a blast!Ones, Tens, Hundreds, Thousands
Just remember that the beads at the top represent five times more than the beads on the bottom. That’s confusing because you probably don’t even know to assign the values to begin with! Basically if what’s at the bottom counts as one, then you can start arranging the beads based on the equations. Take the equation 1 + 4. You would move one bead on the very bottom row from the right to the left and four beads from the row just above it from the right to the left. Then on the third row from the bottom, you can count up how many beads there are on the bottom and top and then move five beads from that row to the right. Are you bored to tears right now? Not surprising, you’re reading about an ancient “technology.”Wait, Is There More?
There is, if you really want to know. There are more complex equations you can do on an abacus if you really believe in yourself. The days of preschool have probably come and gone for you, but if you can designate values in such a way that follow a pattern, you can apply the same basic philosophies from the 1 + 4 equation to … other equations of addition or subtraction.More Than That?
No, not really. We think you should have a better understanding of how abaci can function in the real world. The answer, of course, is that they don’t. That’s what the calculator on your phone is for.4 Banana Life Hacks Scientists Don’t Want You To Know
Most people know that bananas are an important source of niacin, vitamin B6 and potassium. They are great for energy after a long workout or run, and they are just plain delicious. However, bananas are more than just a tasty food. Here are four amazing life hacks that anyone can do with this amazing fruit.
1. Great For Cosplay
One of the best uses of a banana is for costumes and cosplay. For example, buying a proper VISOR for a Geordi La Forge Star Trek costume can be expensive. But it’s pretty cheap to paste a banana to your face. Bananas are also great as telephones, boomerangs, pistols, daggers and magic wands. Even the best Harry Potter costume becomes doubly awesome with a banana.2. Personal Protection
Bananas are not just for food: They can be deadly weapons as well. For centuries, various martial arts schools have taught people how to use everyday objects as deadly weapons. The Kela School (kela is Hindi for “banana”) has taught the deadly secrets of the riboflavin-filled delight for centuries, since the first banana was discovered. Many people fear home invasions, but not everyone is comfortable with owning traditional weapons like guns or knives. But even if you don’t have a Kela School master in your area, you can still safely wield a banana. All it takes is some quick sharpening of the outer peel and the banana can not be used as a fearsome instrument of destruction.3. Beating Traffic
Anyone who has ever been tailgated by a flashy sports car knows how annoying someone experiencing a midlife crisis can be. Instead of brake checking that idiot or resorting to other physical violence, just chuck a banana peel out your window. The key here is the throwing technique. You won’t be able to achieve Mario Kart results even if you do get it under their tires (physics don’t work that way, come on!), but if you get the proper elevation over the top of your own vehicle, you might be able to get the peel to smear all over the tailgater’s windshield. Bonus points for getting it stuck under a wiper.4. Smooth Skin
The only thing that gets your skin smoother than a little banana is a lot of banana. Don’t just eat the bananas for their nutritional benefit: Banana is the beautician’s secret sauce. Some people smash it up into a paste and smear that on themselves, but the real trick is to apply it as nature intended, straight out of the peel. Open the peel a few inches and take a small bite off the top to reward yourself for your cleverness and to have a smoother applicator surface. Then hold it like a tube of lipstick and apply all over your face for silky smooth skin. Koko the gorilla is over 40 years old, but you know she doesn’t look a day over 20! This pretty primate has unlocked the secret to eternal youth: daily application of the banana to the face.Got any banana life hacks of your own?
DO’S and DON’TS of Hair Care
Finding the right hair care routine for yourself can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be impossible! It’s normal to feel completely lost about how to take care of your hair: Brushing? Washing? Picking the bugs out of it before you go out in public?! It can be a LOT to remember!
Fret not, Monkey Picklers. Hair care needn’t be a mysterious and nerve-wracking part of your daily routine. Follow our simple guidelines of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” to obtain legions of adoring hair followers to stalk you or at least follow you into the bathroom at Subway to tell you how much they love your hair.
DO Spread Your Hair Out On A Pillow Like A Mermaid
Even if your hair is in terrible shape, spread it over a pillow like you are laying on some coral in the sea, pining for legs or lobster bisque or whatever mermaids pine over. Take photos. These photos are the key to getting everyone to think you have a fabulously expensive hair care routine (because other people’s opinions of you are the ones that matter, right?). You can just plaster the intensely thought-provoking photos all over social media (Instagram filters are a must to create the fake glow of a thousand GloFish emanating surreal color schemes across your tresses), and you are now the envy of the masses over your hair care regimen.DO Scrub Your Hair With A Scouring Pad
Want to get rid of a few layers of dead skin in your hair care routine? Grab a scouring pad and systematically scrub the shit out of your head with it. Even better, get a Brillo pad – part of the definition of a Brillo pad is “… made from steel wool impregnated with soap.” IMPREGNATED WITH SOAP. Was this gadget invented for exfoliating dead, flaky skin off of your dirty scalp?! I think yes. Use a firm force, as you really want the scouring pad to break the skin. Skin breakage means that the skin will need to repair itself, giving your scalp a new layer of protected skin to get scoured off again tomorrow.DON’T Get Your Hair Shampoo At The Pet Store
I get it: you’re picking up some Fancy Feast for Spot, and you look at the dog shampoo like, “I wonder if I could look like this curly-furred bombshell on the label?” But here’s the deal: dog shampoo is expensive. Other than that, it’s pretty much the same stuff that is in your kitchen to wash dishes- I don’t need to look at the ingredients to know that soap is soap, and soap is pretty much shampoo. So don’t waste your hard-earned dollars on some pricey dog shampoo that may or may not make you look like a sexy Labradoodle when you can get the same crap in a bottle of Dawn for your hair care needs. Say goodbye to any and all other “hair washing agents” for your whole family; except for your dog, he needs dog shampoo because he’s a dog. Instead what you should get is something like this salon shampoo.DON’T Be Afraid To Try Something New With Your Hair
So you’ve been watching Game of Thrones, or Vikings, or old episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess, and you see these wretches with devil-may-care attitudes and hair to match and you’re like, “That is SO me. I need to get the drapes to match my cold carpeted heart.” Don’t be nervous to debut your new medieval look: Dirty Chic is ALL the rage in hair care these days. To really transform yourself, do not bathe for a good 2-3 weeks, and forgo all societal norms for grooming. The key to changing your look is being authentic! If your hair is just not getting that “I just woke up in a trench filled with excrement and slime” feel right away, think about what a medieval fantasy-world prostitute would have in her hair: grease, dirt, spit, skunky mead, probably a frog, baby batter… find these structural components to complete your Dirty Chic hair care look! Now that you’ve read all of our amazing hair care tricks, tell us some of yours!Royal Baby Not Mothra
The Royal Baby is upon us. Joyous Tidings Monkey Picklers!
No, no, there is no need to panic or scramble to collect your valuables. This is not a flood warning. It is much better news than impending natural disaster because the lovely Duchess Kate Of Cambridge, until recently known by some representatives of the press as The Princess of Pickles due to rumored cravings, hath given ye olde birth to a healthy royal baby princlet type guy.HOORAH Royal Baby!
Thus far, no statement from The Palace has been issued as to the bounciness of the young prince, nor as to whether Purple Reign will be re-released in celebration. However, speculation about the lil’ royal guy by the wider world has been nigh unstoppable. Social media has creaked & groaned under the strain as the excitement reached fever pitch following the announcement of the Royal Birth & lead to considerable confusion around The World. Fortunately, Monkey Pickles had stationed its Chief Royal Correspondent, Monty Pickles, at the scene to relay all the key facts via the next most reliable medium available …. flying Australian bat-monkeys ( Small “b” Bruce Wane ! … There is no legal infringement here ) with bottle-rocket augmentation. What could possibly go wrong ??? Certainly, nothing that poorly advised bat-monkeys, desperate for work since The Wizard Of Oz sequels dried up, should worry about. In Japan, however, mass panic had to be quelled, after one poorly translated news broadcast reporting that the lovely Duchess Kate Of Cambridge had given birth to a monarch that would one day rule the country, led to fears that Mothra was back.
Mothra is not thought to be on the list of preferred royal baby names.
Meanwhile, huge crowds, retired extras from the Japanese film industry & some birds ( although the birds may have been just a coincidence ) flocked to the capital. Sadly, however, it is believed that more confusion meant that many farmers, most sheep and the 80s indie band, Flock Of Seagulls, missed out on attending this momentous event due to the mistaken impression that the lovely Duchess Kate Of Cambridge had given birth to a rural baby. Also distinctly absent from the celebrations in London were any flocks of fish which was briefly thought to be a royal snub by Aqua-Man. Luckily a diplomatic incident was avoided as Palace staff quickly realized that this was a school night.
Hip Hip Hoorah Royal Baby!
Tune in next time for more up to the decade Royal Baby News, Royal Baby Watchers. This is Montague Pickles for Monkey Pickle News, outside the gates of Kensington Palace, busking for a ticket home.
Company Holiday Party
This is a wonderful piece of Cyber forward Holiday cheer !! Please feel fre to copy and past and send around… It’s funny how office politics today are so funny…
Subject: Plans for our Holiday party
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private
function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing
along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make
the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for
employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
_________________________________
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday,
which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for
your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
________________________________
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name.
I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are
allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
_____________________________
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December
20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and
drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you
to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to
sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill
House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of
concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of
salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high
blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for
diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
____________________________________
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so
quaintly put it, and you’ll get your frigging salad bar, including organic
tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when
you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you frigging wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you
all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!!!
____________________________________
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a
speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full
pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Love Is A Marathon, Part 7: It’s Curtains For Bob
Previously, on Love Is A Marathon:
Lillian has caught Instructor with another woman, and she’s considering marrying some curtains and other drapery instead of seeking human companionship. Her mother tried to convince her that the extra boogers on the curtains weren’t worth the trouble.
We hope you enjoyed Love Is A Marathon; thanks for reading!
Monkey Emoji Plush Pillows are the Best
Emoji monkeys could possibly be the cutest emoji out there, so why not cuddle up with a soft plush monkey emoji pillow?!
EvZ 32cm Emoji Smiley Emoticon Brown Round Cushion Stuffed Plush Soft Pillow
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- The official brand, officially licensed product.
- Perfect high quality lint-free cute pillow, great hand feeling, soft and no odors.
- Great way to express yourself with these crazy and fun emoticons, creative gift for your friends, kids and everyone you love.
- Decorate your bedroom, living room, or anywhere else with emoticons, maybe the happiest thing in the world!
- Material: Poly Propylene (PP), Size: 32cm(Dia.) x 10cm(Thickness).
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd
$9.98
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
- Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
- Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
- Good Choice for your friend
- Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
Smiling Monkey Emoji Pillow 12.5 Inch Large Light Brown Smiley Emoticon
$5.00
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Material:Plush + Poly Propylene (PP) | Shape: Round
- Size: 12.5in (32cm) in diameter x 4in (10cm) in thickness
- Great for in-bed reading and TV watching; Use as bolster ,sofa-cushion ,back and head pillow.
- It's great way to express yourself with these crazy and fun emoticons.
- Perfect GIFT for your friends and your kids and everyone you love.
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Not speak)
$9.98
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
- Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
- Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
- Good Choice for your friend
- Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
Dolphineshow Soft Plush Emoji Monkey Pillow
$9.98
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Material:High Quality Poly Propylene (PP)
- It's great way to express yourself with these crazy and fun emoticons
- Very plush and soft and the perfect size for a head pillow or a lap pillow
- Perfect GIFT for your friends and your kids and everyone you love!
- Dolphineshow is Registered Trademark ,Serial number:86788459.Make sure you buy from Dolphineshow.If you purchase here and receive products from other sellers ,please help us report to Amazon Service for Copyright Infringement of Dolphineshow brand products.
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Not lishen)
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
- Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
- Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
- Good Choice for your friend
- Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
13" Cute Monkey Emoji Pillow Round Cushions Stuffed Animal Plush Toys for Car Home Sofa Cushion Decoration (No See)
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Efficient transmission and stable signal: 100% Copper wire core offers clear crisp sound quality and ensure the stability of transmission for better and comfortable experience
- Plug and play: no extra software, you just need to plug and enjoy fidelity sound quality. Allow you to use your existing 3. 5mm headphones with the new iphone 11/11Pro/11Pro/X/8/7 plus.
- High quality metal Joint Produced with First-Class Technology: the specially crafted alumina housing makes the product more wearable, high-end and enhances anti-jamming capability.
- Designed for your daily life: easy to bring with you outside and ensure the high quality of music, this item is perfect for your daily life or leisure time.
- Perfect design for your phone 7/ 7 plus, allowing you to enjoy music, enjoy digital life. This product is compatible iOS 10. 3 above, is compatible with iOS11 and is compatible with Phone 8/ x.
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Smily)
$5.99
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
- Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
- Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
- Good Choice for your friend
- Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
TS 33cm Emoji Emoticon Monkey Soft Plush Stuffed Pillow Cushion Stuffed Toys Present Gifts (Don't Speak)
$9.99
out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am
Features
- Size: 33cm*33cm
- High quality plush and cotton stuffed pillow toy
- Wonderful home decoration pillows, they can also bring you much fun as a pillow toy
- Fast shipping and world top trade experience
- Nice choice as present for friends or kids
Prince Performs “Purple Rain” During Downpour – Super Bowl XLI Halftime Show
Watch Prince perform his hit songs, including “We Will Rock You”, “Let’s Go Crazy”, “Baby I’m a Star”, “Proud Mary”, “All Along the Watchtower”, “Best of You”, and “Purple Rain” in this amazing video with clips of his performance in a documentary from NFL on YouTube.
Truth In Advertising: Taking A Meteor Shower
The silver shower gel swirled and flickered specks of rainbows as I tilted the bottle and held it up to the light. This could be fun. And I was tired. Tired and achy and grumpy, to be honest. I could really do with a nice, spa-like shower experience. Besides, it was the same price as all the other shower gels. How could I lose?
I took my Perseid Meteor Shower Gel up to the checkout and slapped down a bill. Done.
At home, I laid out my extra fluffy bathrobe and slippers before digging out the Egyptian cotton towels Mom gave me last year. I peeled back the wrapper on my new shower gel and gave it a cursory glance. “Feel the power of the stars with each shower.” Does anyone fall for those lines? I popped open the top, sniffed, and was immediately taken back to my childhood growing up in the countryside. Huh. It smelled just like a dry cornfield before a thunderstorm. How did they bottle that?
I adjusted the water to just the right temperature and stepped under the pulsing jets. The steam curled around me. Droplets hammered on my stiff neck. I dribbled a little bit of the gel into my palm.
Hey! I shook my hand. What stung me? The silvery gel swirled down the drain. I poured a little more into my palm. How odd. Everywhere the gel touched my skin I could feel little pinpricks of heat. Is this what an allergic reaction feels like? Still exploring, I rubbed my hands together. What a curious sensation. I closed my eyes. The anticipation of the summer storm enveloped my senses, like a prickling at the back of my neck.
Heat continued to build as I spread the gel over my body. The sparkling rainbows spread in psychedelic pinwheels of color. It wasn’t unpleasant, sort of like applying a menthol rub. It certainly woke up my body. I inhaled deeply. A dull roar started to grow. Looking around the shower enclosure, I wondered where the noise was coming from. Maybe the furnace kicked on. Lather built across my skin.
Pop!
Something slammed against my ankle. Then hit my thigh. Stomach. No longer did the gel simply sting and warm. I was being punched. I slapped at the suds. I kicked. Wriggled. A small tornado of human panic ensued as I flailed under the shower. In my panic, I kicked the bottle over.
A viscous puddle collected under my feet. Ow! My big toe just got stomped on. The roar throttled up to the incessant shriek of a jet engine. I added my scream to the cacophony. The paisley rainbows burst into 4th of July sparklers. Their heat singed my skin. I looked down. The entire contents of the gel was now building and smoking, growing like a volcanic bubble of silver, purple and green flickering flame.
The explosion knocked me off my feet. I lay there in the bottom of the tub, staring up at scorched subway tile and a tattered shower curtain. Stars still sparkled before my eyes, but they quickly faded as they arced down and fizzled into the mist.
I picked up the bottle. “Not For Children. Best When Used in Outdoor Showers. Remove Breakables from Area.”