Timmy And The Transforming Sharks
Well being a goofball and having fun no matter what your doing is a skill that anyone can develop. Monkey Pickles would like to thank everyone that has particpated in our writing contest over the past month. Alot of people showed off their creative talent and we are truely appreicative that so many fans of Monkey Pickles enjoy the everday fun created by the community. All submisisons will be showcased throughout the month of April. We will take our stand as Goofballs United across the globe making people push the pause button on taking themselves so seriuos for 10 mins a day..
Here is our runner up submission !!!!!! Winner will be posted at 4:00 pm central time.
Ryan McNames “hint maybe click on his name and find out who this goofball fan of Monkey Pickles is made from”
Timmy and the Transforming Sharks
Stan the monkey’s patented Flaming Hamburger flew out of a turquoise volcano upside down into the atmosphere of Jupiter to the three-fourteenths power last Wednesday.
“Excelsior!” bystanders exclaimed. “Where in the world did he ever learn to scrape the Bill Clinton like such an aware octopus!” after which they all dove into a 0.5 league-deep tank of said octopi, wherein they spoke mentally to each other with help, of course, from the encircling psychic dolphins. Unfortunately, the dolphins soon began to grin evilly, and, like little Timmy McGregorshinobi noticed, soon began to grow fangs. “HOLY MOONBEAMS FROM KRYPTON!” Timmy jabbered dutifully, as he flailed away from the foul shark-transformers, attempting to alert the surrounding townsfolk. Oddly, many of the hairless chimps kept chatting non-chalantly about such mundane topics as the weather, as they were one-by-one jerked violently underwater, each dispached body splashing and/or splishing uselessly in a spreading pool of the color purple. (red and blue make purple, of course). Once little Timmy McGregorshinobi had reached the edge of the tank, he snatched his scuba outfit and his samurai sword with vigor – the offending vertebrates were about to have some major ‘splaining to do. He dove bravely back into the tank, where he planned to dispatch all the shark transformers, especially the one who had sadly devoured the head of his beautiful girlfriend, Wendy Wallabeebromine.
Yes, Timmy slashed and stabbed his way with his amazing waterproof sword, all the way to the depths of the tank (which had been a supposed gift to the townsfolk by the Octo-people to the west), where he succeeded in gutting the one who had killed poor Wendy. He reached into the freshly spilled gore, pulled out her waterlogged, decapitated cranium, and flippered his way back to the surface, after which he verily LEAPT out of the tank, spasmodically moseyed across the landscape into the nearby town of Jabrawlter, located the hospital, entered the structure, and searched and surveyed the halls for several minutes until he found and henceforth burst into the office of one Dr. Bartholomew Grinchblaster, the town’s master surgeon. After avoiding an explosive shotgun round and having a short argument, Timmy managed to convince the doc to attempt the reconnection of the dead hunk of dead flesh to Wendy Wallabeebromine’s dead, dead carcass.
The unlikely duo trekked to the nearby desert, where Wendy’s headless body had inexplicably teleported. It awaited them inside a see-through force-field capsule. After pressing the Open button and shooting away the swarming robo-vultures with his handy shotgun, Doc Grinchblaster attempted the grisly deed at once, using a cactus needle and dental floss to carry out the task. Following reattachment, the doc scratched his head for a way to reanimate the dead flesh.
Luckily for all involved, Stan the monkey returned from Jupiter at that VERY MOMENT, landing in their midst with his stylish Flying Hamburger, which sent dust and sand particles tumbling, being as they were in the desert.
“You know what I’d do,” Stannicus sagely advised as he leaned in with a hand to the side of his monkeymouth, “I’d juggle some of my own feces, dance around, and say KAZAAM, and it would probably be allll better!” Timmy and Dr. Bartholomew Grinchblaster looked at each other, obviously awestruck at the obviousness of this, and they summarily henceforth tried it at once. Lo and behold, the lovely (yet severely scarred) Wendy Wallabeebromine sat straight up, blinking with her remaining eyelid, and said “I’m alive!” Doc Grinchblaster, Stan, and Timmy all twirled cannibalistically, hissing ecstatically, “It’s alive… IT’S ALIIIIIIVE…”
Wendy blinked & her third eye began glowing. “Would you like to make love to me now?”
“Indeed!” said Stan, the Doc, and Timmy at once.
“Not you doc, not you stupid monkey!” she screamed.
“The screaming is a side effect of reanimation, she’ll be fine,” Bartholomew Grinchblaster explained calmly, idly combing cake chunks out of his quasi-futuristic beard.
Timmy could see that it was time to turn on the charm. “Fabulous, my darling Wendy, but first let us wash all this monkey feces off ourselves and make sure your head is on tight enough with that dental floss that it wont slip off while we shag!” Having said this, Tim once again switched off the charm.
An ear destroying scream once again emanated from Wendy’s voicebox, after which they all speedwalked back to the location just outside of Jabrawlter, whence the 0.5 league deep octopus/dolphin/transforming-shark tank had been, with thoughts of doing exactly that, tragically only to tragically find the 0.5 league deep octopus/dolphin/transforming-shark tank had been tragically DESTROYED in a most tragic fashion! Water and glass particles flooded the premesis, and octopi and dying shark pieces flopped around uselessly in the green and purple streets.
“What filthy rat-bastard has the cojones? –THE MOXXY?– to have destroyed the Octopus-people’s lovely gift to us?,” Timmy Mcgregorshinobi grumbled loudly and intently, brandishing his waterproof samurai sword. He glared at the townsfolk, many of whom had gaping wounds from the dastardly shark-transforming dolphin attack.
“Dont you remember, the entire thing was a trick!” Stan the monkey said, hopping angrily up and down. “I learned their plans at the secret Octopus Headquarters on Jupiter, and I came back here as fast as i could to warn y’all, but it was sadly too sadly late for some of … y’all.”
“Then we must maketh war on the Octupi! This injustice will not go unjustified! Let us load the Flaming Hamburger with scud missiles and dive bomb their evil McLair on McJupiter! WHOS WITH ME?!” The townsfolk roared, squealed, or bled their approval (depending on their level of incapacitation), as Timmy McGregorshinobi held his waterproof samauri sword to the sky heroicalloically.
“Grab your patented laser kazoo, Stan! Doc Grinchblaster! Wendy! WE RIDE!” The foursome ran and LEAPT into the Flaming Hamburger and summarily blazed off toward the brightest star in the sky, intent on carrying out their awesome plans.
—Will the dead townsfolk be avenged? Will the octopus threat on Jupiter be quenched? Will Timmy and his pals ever wash off that damned monkey feces? How soon will they realize they’re really going toward Venus? Tune in next beak! …to find out the answers to these questions and more, on the Adventures of Timmy McGregorshinobi—
Ryan McNames “hint maybe click on his name and find out who this goofball fan of Monkey Pickles is made from”
~~ We look forward to the continued Adventures of Timmy McGregorshinobi ~~
Grilled Cheese On Wheat
The early grilled cheese sandwich began centuries ago. It was made in many different countries. It became popular in the 1920’s in the United States when processed cheese and sliced white bread were sold. It was a tasty affordable sandwich that both adults and children liked. In World War II many navy cooks broiled sandwiches for the sailors because it was a popular meal and economical. Over the years the recipe has changed to include many different ways to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Today grilled cheese sandwiches are made on wheat or whole wheat bread for a healthy alternative.
A grilled cheese sandwich on whole wheat is an easy meal, comfort food, and can be made many different ways. This alone makes it a classic sandwich to be cherished and appreciated. Never underestimate the power of a grilled cheese sandwich on wheat on a late night of study or work. It is like a candle that lights a dark hallway for the hungry person that does not want to cook. It is one of the top ten sandwiches of the year.
What do you need to make a good grilled cheese on whole wheat sandwich. You need a good whole wheat bread with whole grain flour that has some fiber to it. It should be sliced and ready to go. Commercial brands are ok too but don’t have the same nutrition. There are many ways to make a grilled cheese on whole wheat. You will need two slices of bread, cheese, a frying pan, butter, oil, cooking spray, spatula, potholders and plates. A good meal to make Sunday nights when you ate a big meal at noon.
Today grilled cheese on wheat can use different types of cheese for a great variety of sandwich tastes. You can use cheddar, pepper jack, Swiss, provolone, muenster, and American. Often a grilled cheese on whole wheat can have other ingredients like sliced tomatoes, hot peppers, onions and different dressings. Melted butter is easier to use on the bread when you grill the sandwich under the broiler or on the grill.
When you cook a grilled cheese on whole wheat under the broiler you need a flat baking pan lined with foil. Cooking spray should be sprayed on the foil so the bread does not stick. Lay down the slices of bread and put cheese and toppings on one slice and spread melted butter on other. Broil under the broiler until cheese is melted and bread with butter is browned. Take out and put browned slice on top of melted cheese. Cut and serve on plates. Watch them every second when cooking they burn quickly.
On the stove you need two slices of bread, cheese, butter, toppings, non-stick frying pan, spatula, stove, and plates.Assemble the sandwich with cheese, toppings, sauces between two slices first. Melt butter in pan 1/4 of a stick over medium heat. Add sandwiches and let cook over medium heat for five minutes on one side.Turn over press down with spatula for another five minutes. Serve when both sides are browned and cheese is melted
You can add thousand island dressing, ranch, with topping for added flavor to grilled cheese sandwiches Grilled cheese on. whole wheat needs some extra flavor. That is why using different cheeses, toppings and sauces can give them flavor. A grilled cheese on whole wheat is a unique dining experience.
Join the Monkey Pickles Mash Potatoes Club
One Day, Einstein Has To Give A Conference To All The Top Scientists In The World…
Funny Joke Of The Day
One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world.
On the way there, he tells his driver, who looks a bit like him, “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
The drivers agrees, “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”
“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein, goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there was one scientist who wanted to impress everyone and thought of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he wouldn’t be able to respond.
So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question.
The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him and says, “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”
Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!
Muscle Building Diet
This is a generalized muscle building diet plan. This plan is not catered or designed for anyone one specific person. If you would like a customized diet plan for muscle building based on your specific needs please contact us.
Meal 1
1 cup of oatmeal
Protein shake (if you want an extra boost then add a superfood powder like this green powder for shakes)
6-8 Egg whites 3 whole eggs
Meal 2
5-8 oz protein (beef or chicken)
1 cup rice
1 cup green vegetables
Meal 3
5-8 oz protein (beef or chicken)
1 cup rice
1 cup green vegetables
Meal 4
5-8 oz protein (beef or chicken)
1 cup rice
1 cup green vegetables
protein shake
Meal 5
4-6 oz lean protein (white fish, chicken, ground turkey)
A Burglar Broke Into A House One Night – Funny Joke of the Day
He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who are you?”
“Moses.” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed, “What kind of people would name a bird ‘Moses’?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
Source: reddit.com/user/xipha
Household Uses For Coal
Did you tempt fate and wind up with a stocking full of coal? Fortunately, that punishment from the leading cause of childhood obesity is actually a blessing in disguise for those that know how to make the best use of such a versatile substance. This article will list just a few ways to make lemonade out of this metaphorical Christmas lemon.
Try the Goth Scene on a Budget
Have you ever wondered the appeal of dressing in black and moaning about why life is pain? Enough people have kept the trend running that there must be something to it. Sadly, it can cost an awful lot of money to look like you don’t care what anyone thinks. That is, it can be expensive for those who don’t have a grotesquely large sock full of coal! Rub some coal dust with water or oil to get the perfect natural eye liner. Dye your hair with a sinkful of water and coal. Throw some good chunks in the washing machine, and get your clothes to that perfect ghoulish tone. You can run with the dark crowd with a minimal investment, if you don’t count the cost of replacing the washing machine…Make Your E-Fortune
The Internet is a beautiful thing. People can buy and sell just about anything with the use of Craigslist and E-Bay. It is time for you to sell your chunks of coal to the virtual world of idiots by labeling them as ‘Diamond Seeds’. I mean, we all know that diamonds are nothing more than carbon that endured crazy amounts of heat and pressure, right? Obviously, you don’t have the means to create the conversion yourself, but there are some dummies out there who won’t realize that. Their lack of intelligence, and your chemically accurate marketing can make you a lot of money without any legal consequences. Is it the nicest way to earn a living? No. Was it the nicest thing for that fat guy to leave a stocking of coal just because you let 3 wild hogs loose at your church Christmas program, one painted with ‘#1’, one painted with ‘#2’, and one painted with ‘#4’ so the youth pastor would have to spend his entire holiday weekend looking in the basement crypts for the elusive ‘#3’ piggy? No! Turn about is fair play, dagnabbit!Zombie Camouflage
We all know its coming. The government doesn’t want you to believe it, but the media full of too many stories and documentaries for us to deny the inevitability of the coming Zombie Apocalypse. For those with big trucks, bow staff skills, and the ability to make women swoon even when covered in sweat, blood, and Zombie poop (Lookin’ at you, Daryl!)- the fight and run option is a viable choice. For those of us, however, not so macholy-inclined and much more hygienically-trained, that might not be possible. Having some extra coal will allow you the perfect stage make-up to look like the infected individuals around you. This will keep them from hunting you. You know what they say, ‘If you can’t beat them, join them. Let your bounty of coal help you to hide in plain sight.Beauty Face Masks
If you look at the common ingredients in those expensive face masks that women use to moisturize and exfoliate, you will notice that a large number of them include sand, lava rocks, and pumice. What is coal but a sister to such rocky substances? Make your own beauty mask with a bit of lotion and some coal dust! This can exfoliate, and could leave your skin a few shades darker. That makes it a beauty mask and a self-tanner all in one. Coal for Christmas doesn’t have to be the makings of a bad Christmas. It can really be quite useful and entertaining!What Not To Compost
The rise of hipster culture in the United States has led to a number of highly impractical yet impressive trends in housekeeping. Why serve salad out of a regular old bowl like a commoner when you could serve it out of a mason jar? Likewise, why spend your hard-earned cash on plant food and fertilizer when you can invest a disproportionate amount of labor and turn your kitchen into a makeshift dump by composting your own?
From eggshells to table scraps, there are plenty of things you can turn into compost. Here are a few you probably shouldn’t.
Good Food
It’s okay, we understand. You’re eager to impress your friends with how eco-friendly you are by doing your own composting. Resist the urge to toss that homemade lasagna directly into your compost bin. If you happen to botch a few recipes just to lend some variety to the compost, we’ll look the other way.Fido’s Scraps
Your dog watches you all throughout dinner, just hoping you’ll drop a savory morsel on the floor while he or she is stuck with unappetizing dry kibble. Don’t break Fido’s heart by tossing the choice scraps from dinner directly in the compost pile. Sure, it’s tempting, but it’s also a guarantee that your pet will dig up your garden out of sheer jealousy and spite. Those azaleas won’t appreciate half-eaten meatloaf half as much as the family pooch.Anything That Glows
While the idea of a super-powered garden is certainly intriguing (Captain Carnation, anyone?), it’s probably best not to put anything radioactive in your compost pile. As difficult as it can be to properly dispose of nuclear waste, you’re better off not feeding it to your garden. You know how these things start out. First, a spider gets into your radioactive compost bin and then it’s the mice. Next thing you know, you’re granting superpowers to your house cat just to keep the league of super-powered pests in your backyard in check. Who has the time between spin class and making recipes from Pinterest? That salad isn’t going to put itself in mason jars.Store-Bought Compost
If you’re like most people, creating organic compost takes hours of your time each day. You wake up in the morning and toss your coffee grinds and eggshells in only to feel the deep emptiness that comes with a lack of proper composting materials. You’ve even considered having a larger family just so you’ll have more excess food to throw into the compost bin. The temptation to fill the compost-shaped hole in your heart with bagged compost seems too great to bear, but you must resist! It starts with one bag of store-bought compost and you think no one will know. The next thing you know, you look outside only to realize that your garden is spelling out your treachery in daisies and you have to move just to avoid the shame. While composting is as rewarding as it is necessary, remember to avoid composting these items for the best results. Your garden (and your neighbors who aren’t fond of radioactive spiders) will thank you.Tragically Hilarious Roller Skating Fails
Sometimes you just have to relish in the fact that people will try things and fail, like roller skating.
How is a person supposed to stay upright on 8 tiny wheels?
Roller skating is a really fun pastime, but it takes skill and courage to stay on your feet.
It’s hard enough WALKING much less trying to GLIDE!
8 Funny Words That Start With V
Some letters try to be all that, when they really aren’t. Take V. The letter V is a part of W, A, M, N, Y, and Z. (Yeah, that’s right, lying on your side and trying to be sneaky.)
V is like the spare part of the alphabet. Like one of those rusty old pieces of junk you have lying around in your garage and you pick it up and say, “I guess I could make something out of this.” But V still tries to be all sophisticated, right? Check out these V words.
1. Variable
This is a word that you hear being bandied about in snooty financial offices. It’s perfect for V because the people who use it like to put on airs, too. “There are simply too many variables for me to give you a straight answer. Just let me keep beating around the bush until I wear you out.”2. Variance
A variance is a departure from the rules. Like if you want to build a shed on your property, but there’s a regulation against it, the town council can give you a variance. You can usually get a variance if you a) are friends with the councilman, b) are the councilman’s son’s baseball coach, or c) have buckets of money and everybody in town wants some. Seriously, that’s how it happens.3. Veritable
Veritable is such a unique word that is has no synonyms. It means real or genuine. It’s perfect with the other words we’ve covered so far. Let’s try it out. “This variable variance is a veritable disgrace.”4. Vexed
“Oh, now you’ve vexed me.” See that? It means angered, but it’s a lot less potent than anger. If you’re vexed, it means your brow might be a little furrowed, or you might shake your head a little bit. But you’re still willing to hold hands. If your boyfriend or girlfriend ever expresses vexation at you, don’t even worry about it. You just do you.5. Vocal
Obviously, if you’re vocal you like to talk a lot. Saying that someone is vocal is never a good thing. It’s a nice way of saying that you wish they’d shut up. “Gee, your dog is really vocal, isn’t he?” That’s code for, “One more night of barking and I’m calling animal control.”6. Vamp
Vamp is so weird. It’s used mostly as an insult, but it just refers to showing off. The word sounds like a cross between a hooker and a floozy. Well, hookers do show off. And floozies do flounce. So vamp would be a great new word for that.7. Viceroy
A viceroy is the ruler of a country, and it sounds regal. Viceroy [insert your name]. Don’t you just love the sound of that?8. Vacillate
“Tee hee hee!” Stop that. To vacillate simply means to waver between two or more choices. As in, “I’m vacillating between marrying the viceroy or the vamp. But the viceroy is too vocal and the vamp is too variable. The decision really has me vexed.”No, Thank You
Tito Turkey lost his best friend Tom one Thanksgiving.
His friend gorged himself every time the farmers came around with food. Tito realized that the closer November came the more the farmers became gracious with the feed. “Hey Tom,” Tito said to his friend. “You ever noticed that after every November some of us go missing. And it’s always the fattest ones.” Tom never answered Tito. He just kept eating. Tom became on of the fattest turkeys on the farm. And sure enough, Tito awoke one morning at the end of November and his friend was gone.Tito asked everyone if they knew what happened to his friend.
No one had any idea. Until that night one a turkey Tito barley knew hiding in shadow and muffling his voice with his wing came to Tito and said, “The great turkey under the coop wishes to speak with you.” Tito went under the coop. Two very thin turkeys lifted a rock and Tito was shocked to see small stairs leading down a scratched out hole. He descended into blackness until he came to a large nest and in the nest sat a scraggy, grey, decrepit looking turkey. He stared at Tito with one eye, the other covered in a milky haze. “Yo friend is dead.”The decrepit turkey said in a country accent.
“Dead?” Tito said. “Yeah fool, he’s dead. They ate him. They call it, Thanks Given. But should we be thankful? Fo what? For making us think you love us, given us all this food for a few weeks only to cook and eat us later on, while your slappen each other on the back and thanken each other for what eva. I said naaah. No thank you.” “So, how did you survive so long? How did you get down here?” Tito asked. “I quit eating. Except for just enough to keep me alive. Lived on a talon full of feed and a whole lot of water. They thought I was sick, and let me go. I clawed a hole under the coop one night and hid down here ever since. Many have followed my example and took off on their own. Others stick around the farm for my advice. But I ain’t no leader, just a survivor.”Tito left the great turkey’s lair angry and sad.
He quit eating, and once he lost nearly all his weight he took off on his own upon his release. Tito travels the country, warning other coop turkey’s of the annual genocide known as Thanks Given.Let’s Conversate?
I heard it the other morning spoken by a newscaster.
I was shocked and shook my head to make sure I did not have watermelons in my ears. I want to know what happened to the newscasters who fought to preserve the English language? Are they so fearful of not being hip, cool or whatever the new word is that they will mangleize words? The reporter said, and I quote, “later today I will conversate with the President and the First Lady.” Do they know they will be expected to conversate back?He is going to conversate.
(BTW – for those who can’t see this on the screen, conversate is underlined in RED every time I type it.)For the record, I will speak with you, talk with you, argue with you, debate with you, chat with you, have a discourse with you, lecture you, harangue you, babble with you, blab with you, yak with you, drawl with you, mumble with you, whisper with you, yammer with you, verbalize with you, vocalize with you, gab with you, jaw with you, enunciate with you, voice with you, shout with you, I will even rap with you, all of which are not underlined in red. But I will not, under any circumstances, conversate with you. I would appreciate if my news anchors/correspondents/
