How To Make Geofilters
Let’s face it: you’re a unique artist in a complex world. Plus, you’re an incredibly amazing, digitally savvy person. What do you do when you possess both these world-bending talents? You share them with the universe by creating geofilters on Snapchat. They’re not only the latest thing; they’re also the way that underground digital creators express their deepest longings and the most eternal truths of our age. In 500 years, scholars will be pondering over all the lost scrolls—er, snaps that possessed these masterpiece works of art.
And you can be one of the artists they study! How can you possibly sign your name to history like this? Easy as pickle pie: follow this guide on how to make geofilters and you’ll join the history books with names as important and artistic as Starbucks and McDonalds.
How To Make Rock Candy
If you have a sweet tooth, you probably wouldn’t turn down rock candy. But there are a couple of problems with it. First of all, it’s so simple. It basically is just sugar on a stick. Most of us with that sweet tooth want a variety of sweet flavors to send us careening around the house like rabid monkeys. Second of all, there isn’t nearly enough rock candy to satisfy your sugar fix on most of those sticks. It’s just a couple of bites and then you’re done. You can remedy both of these issues by making your very own rock candy and making your own rules.
For this DIY rock candy, you’ll need the following:
- Sugar
- Candy of your choice
- Water
- Rocks
- Jars or glasses
- Wooden rods or sticks
How to Make Rock Candy – Mix the Solution
The first thing you need to do is make a solution. Normally, rock candy is made by mixing sugar and boiling water. But you’re probably looking for something more interesting than normal rock candy, so you can add in the candy of your choice to the mixture. It can be whatever your heart desires. Can’t get enough Snickers? Toss some of those in there. Are you more of a caramel hard candy fan? Do that instead. You could even experiment and throw in different types of candy if you want. Ever wondered what Jolly Ranchers would taste like mixed with peppermint patties? Now you don’t have to wonder anymore, just toss them both in there and see the results!How to Make Rock Candy – Pouring it Into Containers
Once you’ve dissolved your candy in the boiling water, you can remove the mixture from the heat source, whether it be your stove or the burning lump of coal you got for Christmas (who knew being bad would actually pay off, right?). Now, it’s time to pour your solution into your jars. If you don’t have jars, you can use those beer bottles that are lying around from your roommate’s drinking binge this weekend. Hey, maybe you can share your candy with him and it’ll be so awesomely delicious that he’ll want that instead of the alcohol from now on.How to Make Rock Candy – Clean Rods or Dirty Sticks
After you’ve poured out the hot solution into your containers, you can put your wooden rods in there. Your solution will need something on which it can crystallize. If you don’t have the nice wooden rods that you normally see in stores that come with rock candy, you can just use some sticks that you find in your yard. That might actually be even better, because they will be bigger and give you more surface area. And if there happen to be a few dead bugs on there, hey, that’s some extra protein for you too! Candy AND nutritional value, you really can’t get much better than that!How to Make Rock Candy – Being Dumb as a Box of Rocks
After a long, agonizing wait, your candy has finally crystallized. Depending on what type of candy your creative mind decided to use, it could have taken days or even weeks for the crystallization to fully complete. Now, it’s time to see your results. You’ll want to have some pebbles or rocks around for reference, because you want your candy to look somewhat like them. If your candy doesn’t look enough like these rocks or pebbles, you can actually add the rocks and pebbles onto your candy to better simulate the desired appearance. If nothing else, they will make the flavor interesting, and now you have minerals as well for even MORE nutritional value!How to Make Rock Candy – Eat and (Hopefully) Enjoy!
This whole process was pretty fun, but now you get to the best part of all. You get to actually eat and enjoy your candy! So try it out, and let’s see what you think. Because you actually got to choose the candy you used, there is a chance that it will turn out even better than the rock candy that you have tried in the past. However, you should also brace yourself for the chance that it ends up being disgusting, with candy flavors mixed in that were never meant to go together and a bunch of dead insects and rocks. In that case, just remember, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!What Will An Apple Watch Taste Like? Honey Crisp Or Fiji?
It’s no surprise that watches have generally fallen out of favor over the years for smartphones and other tiny mobile devices. That’s why the Apple Watch and its arrival in 2015 is quite interesting, because it implores consumers to once again strap a device on their wrists.
What the Apple Watch might taste like may be surprised.
One of the most basic and amusing facets of the Apple Watch is its ability to tell time. Just like anyone would expect of a good watch, this one does display the time down to the millisecond. Forgetful types will be happy to know that the Apple Watch can also remind users of events that they have planned, displaying said event in large text at the bottom of the watch so that it’s impossible to skip out on that business lunch with the boss or drinks with that old, old friend from high school who flew in for the week. In those cases, maybe it’s better not to program in the events in the calendar to begin with. Those that don’t like seeing numbers on their timepiece don’t have to with the Apple Watch, for the display can show up in a variety of ways depending on personal preference. One of these options can even showcase the current temperature and weather just in case the user isn’t already outside watching it rain. This delicious feature is pretty sweet, just like the honeycrisp. Of course, with regular watches, that would be the extent of the fun. With the Apple Watch, users can actually make phone calls, send FaceTime requests, and text others right through the watch. This is a cool chance to look like a spy in a secret agent movie, since the user gets to hold the watch up to their face and murmur their replies. Just in case pretending to be a spy is nerve-racking, the Apple Watch can also track the user’s heart rate, which can be interesting to try before a first date or big job interview. This is even sweeter, just like a Fiji apple. Everyone knows what it’s like to impatiently wait for that perpetually late friend to show up or for the train to finally arrive. Instead of killing time awkwardly checking Facebook for the tenth time in five minutes, try the sketch feature on the Apple Watch instead. With only a finger, the user can doodle whatever their heart desires and even use this as a primitive means of interaction if another user has the Apple Watch and is nearby. Of course, what is any technology these days without apps? Third-party companies can really shine by creating apps for the Apple Watch, such as maps, easy online billing, cabs and transportation options, and even a quick translator in case the user ever finds themselves in a foreign country. You can even personalise the Apple Watch with protective cases and bands from Mobile Mob. Making your Apple Watch personal to you will make it stand out from the crowd and will definitely make it that bit sweeter.The Apple Watch
certainly seems like it’s going to be quite yummy, although only consumers can decide whether this apple is sweeter or sour. A Texas Rancher Was Visiting A Farmer In Israel…
Funny Joke Of The Day
A Texas rancher was visiting a farmer in Israel. The proud Israeli showed him around. “Here is where I grow tomatoes, cucumbers and squash. Over there, I built a play set for my kids, next to the doghouse,” the farmer said. The land was tiny, and the Texas rancher was surprised by how small it was. “Is this all your land?” he asked. “Yes,” the Israeli said proudly. “This is all mine!” “You mean this is it? This is all of it?” the Texas rancher said incredulously. “Yes, yes, this is really all mine!” “Well, son,” said the Texas rancher, “back home, I’d get in my car before the sun’d come up and I’d drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I’d only be halfway across my land!” “Oh, yes,” replied the Israeli farmer wistfully, “I used to have a car like that.”Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!
(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)How To Shave Your Balls: A Cautionary Tale
Shaving your balls can be a dangerous and harrowing activity. No one knows that better than Baldric Bartleby, a peppy young fellow with an unfortunate tale.
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Bentwoods Country Club is famous for its tennis courts. All summer long, the squeak of sneakers and the pop of the rackets ring out. Like any country club, the place is filled with people throwing their money around. This creates stiff competition among upstanding local youth for summer jobs, particularly the job of ball chaser. The ball chasers, of course, chase tennis balls. They gather them up, check the balls and sort through them to throw away the bad ones. (A bad tennis ball is one that becomes fuzzy from use; when hit, these fuzzy balls curve and wobble in the air.) One day, a ball chaser was complaining to another co-worker about the waste of throwing the fuzzy balls away. The owner of the club overheard him and asked what he meant. After all, the Bentwoods clientele should play with only the roundest, smoothest balls! Now, the ball chaser had really only been blowing off some steam, but he was being put on the spot. Thinking quickly, he said, “Well, I dunno. We really only need to get the fuzziest parts off the balls. If we could shave them smooth somehow, we wouldn’t waste so many perfectly suitable balls.” The owner, forward-thinking fellow that he was, thought this was a great idea and set about to hire a ball shaver. This brings us to our hero, Baldric Bartleby. Just turning 16, Baldric was very happy to be called to an interview. He was almost hired as a ball chaser at the start of the summer, but he hadn’t been able to beat out the competition. So when the club called and asked him to come in to discuss a position, he was over the moon. Sure, he’d rather be chasing balls outside, but he needed a job too badly to be picky. The owner explained that the position was new and that Baldric would need to try a few different methods and see what worked best. But as long as he didn’t mind some experimentation, he could start the very next day. Baldric raced home with the exciting news of his first real job. “Mother, Father! I got a job, I got a job! Baldric Bartleby, Ball Shaver, at your service.” Both of his parents cringed. Baldric was too proud and excited to notice. Hoping to leave a really deep impression on his boss the next day, Baldric spent the evening thinking about ways to shave a tennis ball and gathered up anything sharp he thought might do the job. He was 10 minutes early to work the next morning, and he came with a huge grin and a duffel bag that was almost too heavy for him to carry alone. He was shown to the basement where fuzzy balls from the last week or so were collected. The room was filled with bucket after bucket of unshaven balls, unshaven balls in piles, rolling around the floor, spreading everywhere. He stood in silent awe, dollar signs in his eyes. Just look at all those glorious, unshaven balls, he thought. Bartleby unshouldered his bag, grabbed a few balls from the nearest bucket and got to work. He first tried the razor his mother used to shave her legs, but it immediately filled with fuzz. He took it apart, thinking he could use the razors inside. Holding the ball in one hand and slashing at the fuzz with the other, he quickly realized his mistake. The razor slipped off the wiry fuzz and sliced across his knuckles. A few bandages later, he was back with his father’s straight razor. Holding the ball so he wouldn’t slice his knuckles again, he tried the razor. It got stuck in the fuzz, so he gave it a yank. The blade sliced right through the fuzz and nicked him in the arm. Baldric was glad he wore his thick T-shirt! He looked at the cleaver and decided he wasn’t ready to lose a limb. Bartleby kept after his ball shaving efforts until late afternoon. He tried a cheese grater, blades from his mother’s Cuisinart, gardening shears, scissors, a paring knife, a pocketknife and finally a beard trimmer. The trimmer was the perfect tool! He finished the ball and did another one, then another. By now, he looked like he’d spent the day in a slasher movie. But Baldric had finally done it: He’d learned to shave his balls.¤¤¤
Take a lesson from Baldric. When you’re looking to shave the extra fuzz off your own balls at home, use something electric and preferably with guarded blades. If you try to give the tennis ball too close a shave, you might damage the outer lining, so be careful. And if you do anything, make sure you keep your knuckles and other sensitive appendages well clear of the blades.
Good luck!
Household Uses for Pickle Juice
In most households, once all the pickles have been eaten out of a jar, the pickle juice is either poured down the drain or dropped with the jar into the trash can. This is an absolutely horrendous waste when you consider all of the things that you could do with that pickle juice. There are probably some household uses for pickle juice that you can think of off the top of your head, but why not go completely off the wall with it and do a few really spectacularly cool things with it that you know no one else will even try?
Make Pickle Flavored Popsicles!
Nothing is better than a popsicle in the summertime. There are so many delicious flavors that are sweet and refreshing, such as cherry, grape, orange, and more. You don’t like thinking about the banana popsicles because of your experience with a rabid monkey tackling you when you had one that one time, but that’s neither here nor there right now. Did you ever consider that popsicles don’t necessarily have to be sweet? Instead of getting rid of your pickle juice, why not put it into ice trays and make popsicles out of it? If you like pickles on your hamburgers in the summertime, why wouldn’t you like frozen pickle juice on a stick after eating those hamburgers? And the best part is that no one will steal them from you, because no one is going to be interested in your pickle flavored popsicles. In fact, they’ll think that you’re weird for eating them yourself. But remember, weird is good.Pickle Your Entire Garden!
You know that it’s not only cucumbers that can be pickled, right? Carrots, onions, anything you like can be soaked in pickle juice and enjoyed as a pickled delicacy. This can extend to just about anything, including an old pair of shoes, but for now we’re just going to focus on the veggies. You can just soak them in the pickle juice, and then enjoy! So why not make it easier on yourself and just pickle your vegetables while they are still in the garden? That way, they will be pickled and ready as soon as you pick them rather than you having to pick them and then pickle them. There is a slight chance that the pickle juice will just mess with the chemistry of the soil and end up completely destroying all of your vegetables, but isn’t that a risk you’re willing to take for the possibility of instantly pickled vegetables?Put It On Your Cereal!
You love sugary cereal in the morning. There’s absolutely nothing like it. Of course, it really doesn’t make sense to have something that’s basically like a bunch of tiny little cookies in a bowl for what is supposed to be the most important meal of the day, but you enjoy it, so you don’t question it. One of the most frustrating things, however, is when you have the cereal, but you don’t have the milk. This is a real crisis situation, because you just don’t know what to do. You need that breakfast sugar fix, but you know it’s just not going to be the same without milk. Guess what? It’s pickle juice to the rescue! Just use pickle juice instead of milk, and enjoy your sugary cereal with a little bit of a sour kick! You might actually be surprised just how much you enjoy your cereal with something new and different. And hey, you are introducing something that’s pretty close to a vegetable with your breakfast, which is progress health-wise!Make Counterfeit Money!
It’s no secret that people love money. And it’s a common problem for people to run out of money. You’ve run out of money several times in your life, so you’re no stranger to that predicament. In fact, you could use some money right now, considering that you just spent all of your money on a bunch of cow bobblehead dolls. Did you ever notice that pickle juice is green? You have amazing artistic abilities, so you can actually draw up some new money using some paper and pickle juice! It’s true that pickle juice is not the exact same shade of green that most currency is, but you can explain that away by saying that you left the cash in the sun for too long or something. The bottom line is that you can actually make as much money as you want using that pickle juice and your stellar drawing skills. You’ll never want for anything ever again!Help Us Write A Never-Ending Story
Everyone takes turns posting 1-2 sentence comments that continue the story. You don’t necessarily have to follow what the previous person was going toward, but you should use the starting point they left you. Most importantly, have fun! Here we go:
In a dark forest far, far away, the night was young. In that forest was a village, and in the village lived a man named Tom …
Do’s and Don’ts of Slow Cooking
Cooking is great! As you grown into your own as the primary chef of your home and life, you’ll want to explore more and better ways to cook. Now that this curiosity has lead you to slow cooking, you have to wonder if there are any important newbie mistakes that could ruin the whole thing. Slow-cooked meals are supposed to be a thing of beauty, so how can you hit that note from the beginning and skip bland or underwhelming meals from the start? As always, Monkey Pickles has you covered with a few simple do’s and don’ts. Some lessons from traditional cooking will cross over (like always use heat to do the cooking), but others might feel counter-intuitive. That said, here is what you need to know.
DO Unwrap Food Before Throwing it In
One of the great advantages of slow cooking is that it opens up a whole new range of foods to your diet. Unfortunately, slow cookers aren’t advanced enough yet to tell food from packaging. You’d be surprised how easily a layer of plastic lining can ruin an otherwise perfect pot roast. For the more advanced slow cookers, this extends beyond common packaging. Produce sticker labels are also best removed before cooking, and in most cases you even want to avoid a foil wrap. It turns out, those innovative crock pots really change a lot of the rules. So, even though you might prefer to bake or grill unwrapped foods, when you use the slow cooker, you want the raw ingredients only. As wasteful as it might feel, the packaging and wrappings belong in the garbage this time.DON’T Eat Before the Meal Is Cooked
Some days this will be easier than others. Remember when we talked about the aromas of slow cooking? It’s more powerful than you might think, and those pleasant smells begin wafting long before your food is fully cooked. If you happen to be home for the entire process, you might find it a bit tortuous, which is why the best bet is to plan your slow-cooked meals for days when you won’t be home. Once you get a feel for the process, you can really push things and slow cook meals when you’re gone for a weekend, or even an extended vacation. At the highest level, you’ll start a meal on the day you move out. This technique is a little more expensive, as you’re out a slow cooker, but it’s totally worth it to spare yourself from a lifetime of overwhelmingly savory flavors tormenting your nose with longing.DO Experiment Heavily
Slow cooker recipe books are an excellent tool to help you get started. Slow cooking is its own thing, and breaking into that world comes with certain discomforts. You’ll never really shine, though until you take off the gloves and get creative, and this extends way beyond having fun with the spice rack. Did your honey-glazed chicken please you last time? Great! You can take it to another level with a cup of ketchup. If you like a scoop of ice cream with your pork tenderloins, wait until you’ve had them together! Naturally, some of your experiments will fair better than others, but the beauty of the slow cooker is that you can mix almost anything. On top of that, you get to enjoy the savory aromas that fill the house before you dig in. You may have invested in the slow cooker because you were too busy to cook such exquisite meals through other means, but you’ll come to love it for the way it opens your pallet to dimensions of flavor you have yet to even imagine.DON’T Forget to Turn it On
This is trickier than it sounds. The imperative word in this business is slow, and that can make it easy to miss when everything is left off. If you don’t catch it right away, you might miss hours from the cooking process, and then, regrettably, you have to resort to fast cooking. Yuck. The solution is as simple as it sounds. Always double check the power cord, heat setting and indicator lights before you walk away. Once you get this down, you’ll graduate to rechecking a half dozen times until you can smell the cooking process (admittedly, getting older also helps with mastering this technique). The good news is that once you get it down, you won’t have to worry about cold, uncooked dinners anymore.
A Girl Named Facebook
An Egyptian man went out of his way
to give his daughter the most American name possible. In a land where names can be as exotic and beautiful as the land itself, (Names like Cleopatra, Ebonique, Tahirah) one girl will raise her hand when the teacher asks if Facebook is present.The father of Facebook sites
social media as a huge influence in his countries regime throwing revolution. Thus, naming his daughter after the world’s biggest social media outlet. While this writer appreciates a countries people standing up for their freedoms, liberties, and democracy. I can’t help but think one of those before mentioned words have made a much better name? Will the megalomaniac Zuckerberg issue an intercontinental lawsuit on an infant for copywrite infringements?I really hope that
this doesn’t become a trend. I cringe to think of the day as an elderly man seeing a cashier with a name tag that says Twitter. Or hearing some parents call after their twins, You and Tube. Would we all not be proud to see our Olympic gold medalist Google Plus Davis on the podium? Or tune into the evening news with Pinterest Jones? Will we one day we will watch the swearing in of president Instagram Washington? Maybe so, along with his Vice president, Monkey Pickles Jackson.The 10 Notorious Sandwiches Most Likely To Steal Your Identity And Move In With Your Woman / Man / Monkey / Cadillac Convertible
Are you out to lunch?
… and want to try something different?That didn’t work out so well and now you have a new job … but every occasionally you have to throw caution to the wind and take a bold step away from the Monkey Pickle endorsed Ham Sandwich.
So here are a buffet of edgy sandwiches ( What? … Sandwiches have edges. ) you might want to challenge your local Subway operative to make.
But if they meet that challenge, run away … run away quite quickly.
1. The Knuckle Sandwich.
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Self explanatory, really. If you try to eat a sandwich that knocks your teeth out, how do you eat it? And trying to suck a sandwich up a straw really isn’t worth the trouble.
2. The Pig Knuckle Sandwich.
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Not dissimilar to entry 1. in our list but far more organised and difficult to avoid. Not merely because it’s so tasty but also because it was the favorite means of enforcing the porktection racket, run by the Hog Father, that terrified the deli owners of New Pork. Eventually gang tensions culminated in a climatic battle between the pigs, Daniel Day-Lewis, dinosaurs ( why not ) and giant transforming Japanese robots disguised as luncheon meat slicers ( which hadn’t been invented yet ), in the capital of India ( for some reason ) and decimated The Gangs Of New Pork. As authorities literally mopped up afterwards, bacon was discovered and America was built.
3. The 4th Earl Of Sandwich.
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AVOID THIS SANDWICH!!!
If you have not successfully avoided this sandwich, you are trapped in the 17th century and probably have syphilis. ….. Bad luck there.
4. The Ron Jeremy Foot Long
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The administrators of Monkey Pickles have requested that I do not describe this sandwich.
5. The Swingers Sandwich
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This sandwich SEEMS exciting but it’s more complicated to put together than you realize, usually ends up limp, is gone in seconds and rarely satisfies you. Additionally, it is often a bad idea to let neighbors help you make it, it is not suitable for a picnic or a wedding buffet … and it is very difficult to know what is mayonnaise.
6. The Wicked Sandwich Of The West.
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If you live on the west coast and your name is Dorothy, then move ! … Seriously ! … ‘Cause this freaking crazy sandwich is after your red shoes.
I mean, what does a sandwich need heels for ???? That’s how bat crazy she is ! You’ll literally have to drop a house on her to stop her.
And talking about bats …….. A monkey shouldn’t do that …. It’s weird man …. Just freaking weird ….
7. The Seven Year Sandwich
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This is clearly passed its best before date. You should leave it alone, its not going to make you feel any better.
8. Erin Brocksandwich
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a ) This is obviously a person. We shouldn’t eat people … It is generally frowned upon.
&
b ) Are you sure you want to take the risk ? ” By the way, we had this sandwich brought in special for you folks. Came from a deli in Hinkley. ”
9. The Sandswitch Blade
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C’mon! …. It’s got blades in ! … You’re not that daft are ya ????
10. Sandwich Davies Jr.
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It was rumored that this talented legendary sandwich would make your taste buds sing if you ate it … but no one ever tried for fear of incurring underworld reprisals from The Wrap Pack.
The Camel Lot Mystery
Even in medieval times people got the hump, never more than in the 13th century when Camel Lot was hit by the most severe plague of camels ever to befall the kingdoms.
Can you help Merlin and The Knights Of The Round Table round up all the camels?
How many camels can you see?
If the answer is, “I see camels all the time.”, and you live in Chicago or Middlesborough, then delay your assistance until you’ve seen a doctor for some leaches.
If you see camels all the time and your name is M. Night Shyamalan …. Don’t do it. Don’t make that movie. You had your chance.
A Man Dies And Ends Up In Hell – Funny Joke of the Day
Funny Joke of the Day
A man dies and ends up in hell. Satan shows up and walks him down a hallway, explaining that he would choose his torment from a selection of doors. The first door opens up onto a vast expanse and millions of people standing on their heads on concrete. This doesn’t have much appeal so the man moves to the next door. There he finds a similar scene but everyone is on their heads on rough hewn wooden floors. The man moved on as that looked worse. The third door revealed a vast chasm with far fewer people, all of whom are knee deep in sh#t drinking coffee. The man thinks to himself that he could get used to the smell and hey, free coffee, so he chooses that door. He gets settled in with his cup and his personal plot of shit and starts to relax a bit, when suddenly an inhuman voice booms through the area, “Alright everyone, break’s over, back on your heads!” Funny Joke SourceMore Funny Jokes!
Kicked Your Monkey
Come on Gotye … There is never an excuse for kicking, slapping or spanking my monkey. Stop with your monkey abuse. Leave my monkey alone.
What? …
WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY GOAT ???
Geez!
Just ’cause you can’t grow a beard doesn’t give you the right to molest goats. And the name change isn’t fooling anyone, by the way. No one believes you are giant beard.
Accept the fact that you have a 14 year old’s ability to grow body hair and “Get Over It!”. Take up swimming … or Luge. You wouldn’t even need a suit for that.
You could really transform that sport. It needs a little spice and you are always getting naked at the most inappropriate times. Turn it to your advantage.
What is that on my cat ??? Where did you even get the body hair to do that. I mean, clearly it’s not yours.
Give me the glue.
You’ve really ruined this Wednesday.
I swear … When I go out , you go out. You can’t be trusted in the apartment by yourself.
Thank you Bad Lip Reading for exposing this monster.
You’re a good friend.
What? …
WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY GOAT ???
Geez!
Just ’cause you can’t grow a beard doesn’t give you the right to molest goats. And the name change isn’t fooling anyone, by the way. No one believes you are giant beard.
Accept the fact that you have a 14 year old’s ability to grow body hair and “Get Over It!”. Take up swimming … or Luge. You wouldn’t even need a suit for that.
You could really transform that sport. It needs a little spice and you are always getting naked at the most inappropriate times. Turn it to your advantage.
What is that on my cat ??? Where did you even get the body hair to do that. I mean, clearly it’s not yours.
Give me the glue.
You’ve really ruined this Wednesday.
I swear … When I go out , you go out. You can’t be trusted in the apartment by yourself.
Thank you Bad Lip Reading for exposing this monster.
You’re a good friend. Escape Room Employees Share Funny Stories
