Household Uses for Gold

Monkey Pickles
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Household Uses for Gold
No one hears the word “gold” and thinks of anything bad. Well, unless they have a gold phobia or were traumatized using gold in some horrible way. Gold is one of the most valuable things you can own, and you should consider yourself ridiculously lucky if you happen to stumble across a large amount of it to keep in your home. If you are one of these people who has apparently won the karma lottery and you have a truckload of gold in your home, you’ll be thrilled to know that there are many things you can do with it!

Catch a Magpie!

All you’ve ever wanted is a pet. Unfortunately, you just can’t afford one right now because of all that money you just dropped on diamond-crusted Styrofoam cups. So obviously, what you’ll need to do in order to get a pet is to lure a local wild animal into your home. Magpies love shiny objects. Generally, they like to take these and use them to build their nests. What you can do is hang pieces of gold in your window, and leave the window open. That magpie will be lured into your home thinking that it’s scored big with the gold, and once you’ve got it inside, just shut the door. The magpie will likely freak out at first, knowing that it is never going to make it back to its nest. But the bird will end up getting something even better. It will have a new home with you and your piles of gold!

Destroy Unwanted Items!

Gold is an excellent conductor of electricity. It is used in all sorts of electrical wiring and in many devices around your home. Because it is such an amazing conductor, large amounts of it can actually attract lightning as well. There are so many items around your home that you would honestly be better off without. Of course, you can’t throw them away because your grandmother’s ex-coworker’s love child with a random homeless guy gave them to you. And how could you explain to her that you threw away her thoughtful gifts to you? She would be crushed! So obviously, the solution is to have them destroyed in a way that is not 100% your fault. You need to get those things struck by lightning. What you do is take all the gold you own and put it around the unwanted items. Wait for the worst thunderstorm you could possibly anticipate, and then once it’s there, boom! All of that stuff will be a pile of dust. The only downside is that you’ll have to deal with a large portion of your home being destroyed in the process.

Replace Missing Teeth!

Ever since you lost that front tooth in a Scrabble accident (don’t make the neighbor’s kid mad, he will hurl those pieces right in your face!), you have been incredibly self-conscious. And that’s understandable. But why feel self-conscious when there is something you can do about it? Now that you have all of this gold, you can make a new tooth for yourself and put it in your mouth. Sure, it might make more sense to go to a Dentist in Endicott and have them give you a replacement tooth. But that would take money that you don’t have. In your specific situation, it makes much more sense to sculpt your golden tooth by yourself and glue it into your mouth. You probably don’t have the equipment to be able to attach it to your gums properly, so you’ll just have to attach it to the surrounding teeth. But now you’ll have a cool gold tooth, which is absolutely awesome!

Validate Yourself!

You’ve been feeling a little down lately. Your self-esteem has been suffering, and you have never felt worse about yourself in your entire life. Thankfully, there is something that can get you out of this funk. Think of how amazing it would be to be a gold medal winner. Those people at the Olympics definitely seem happy when they win them, right? The only thing is, you haven’t done anything to earn a gold medal. That is why you are going to have to make your own. You have all the supplies at your disposal. You have all of that gold, as well as that knife set your roommate left behind when he took his trip which he told you would last three to five years depending on good behavior. After cleaning all the blood off the knives, you can start whittling your gold. Unless you have an amazing artistic skills, it probably isn’t going to look great, but who cares? You’ll have a gold medal!

Great Works Of Art, Edited For All

Monkey Pickles
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Great Works Of Art, Edited For All

I thought the French

were supposed to be the more ‘open minded’ country when it came to erotic subject matter.  Alas, it seems one town in France is a bit more conservative when it comes to  the female body and art in general.

Mayor Gerard Corden

of French town Neuville-en-Ferrain, has the decided the busts of The terracotta bust of Marianne (Pic) was much too busty and have demanded that Marianne’s mammaries undergo a sizable reduction.  (Link to story here)  The artist made the statue with large breasts to “Symbolize the generosity of the Republic.”  (So I guess that means Dolly Parton is a very charitable lady?)

Yet, this is not the first time

the town council of Neuville-en-Ferraina have changed a work of art they deemed to be offensive.
  • The Statue of David was ‘updated’ with a nice pair of shorts. (Pic)
  • The Birth of Venus was made more discrete with a very humble style dress.  (Pic)
  • The painting of St Sebastian was much to gory for some.  So he was given some band-aids for his ‘booboos and ouchies.’  (Pic)
  • Adam’s nether region in the great painting The Creation of Adam is appropriately covered with a happy little apple.  (Pic)
In Neuville-en-Ferraina, art is fine. It should just be family friendly.      

Walks Into A Bar Jokes – Funny Jokes

Monkey Pickles
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0
Walks Into A Bar Jokes – Funny Jokes

A Man Walks Into A Bar Jokes

You’ve heard ‘a man walks into a bar’ jokes forever, even before you were of legal drinking age. Walking into a bar is apparently hilarious. Actually, it isn’t, BUT the punchlines derived from ‘walks into a bar’ are! The setup is so simple: the punchline is usually a play on words combined with many other variables, like the ‘man’ that walks into a bar can be a woman, a sandwich, or a unicorn. It doesn’t matter as long as the old-school setup of ‘walks into a bar’ is the same distinct theme. Here are our favorite ‘walks into a bar’ jokes!

A Drunk Walks Into a Bar…

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best sex in town!”

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!”

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mom liked it!”

Finally the guy interrupts. “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk!”

Source

A Man Walks Into a Bar…

The bartender says, “Congratulations, you are our thousandth customer! Enjoy this complimentary beer.”

Man: “Hey, thanks!”

Bartender: “Of course, and it’s only five dollars!”

Man: “I thought you said it was complimentary?”

Bartender: “It is.”

Beer: “You have beautiful eyes.”

reddit/user/Ayru_

A Gorilla Walks Into a Bar…

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, “What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink.” So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can’t believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.

So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he’s standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, “Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything.”

So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn’t say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can’t take it anymore.

“You know,” he says to the gorilla, “we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”

And the gorilla says, “At nineteen dollars a drink I’m not surprised.”

reddit/user/Zs2k

A Duck Walks Into a Bar…

Says to the bar tender, “I’d like to buy some peanuts.” Bartender says, “Sorry, don’t sell peanuts.” The duck leaves.

Next day, duck walks into the bar, “I want to buy some peanuts.” Bartender replies, “I already told you I don’t sell peanuts!” The duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, “I want to buy some peanuts!” Bartender yells back, “I told you, I don’t sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I’ll nail you to the wall!” So the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, “Do you have any nails?” Bartender says, “Sorry, don’t have nails.” Duck asks, “Do you have any peanuts?”

Source

A Man Walks into a Bar…

He tells the waitress, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary and a menu.”

When she returns with his drink, he asks “Still servin’ breakfast?”

When she says yes, he replies, “Then I’ll have two eggs- runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon ON END- well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee.”

Indignantly the waitress says, “We don’t serve that kinda stuff in here!”

The man says, “Funny… that’s what I had in here yesterday…”

Source

A Man Walks Into a Bar…

Goes up to the bartender, and asks for a beer. The bartender stops him, and says “Well, before you order, let me tell you about our special.”

He directs the man’s attention down to the end of the bar, where there are two huge chunks of meat hanging on meat hooks.

“If you can run down to the end of the bar, jump up, and take a bite out of one of those pieces of meat, you get to drink free here for the rest of your life. But I’ll warn you, if you try it and fail, you have to buy all of the drinks for the rest of the bar all night.”

The man replies “Well, let me think about it. Mind if I take a look?” The bartender lets him, so he saunters down to the end of the bar, and takes a nice, long look at the hanging meat, before turning around and coming back.

“Nah, I think I’ll just order a beer.”

“Alright, but just curious… why aren’t you taking the challenge?”

“Buddy, the steaks are just too high.”

reddit/user/catsfanuk87

How Do You Get Ready To Go Back To Work Tomorrow?

Monkey Pickles
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How Do You Get Ready To Go Back To Work Tomorrow?
Many people include football and couch-lounging in their Sunday rituals, doing their level best to cram in as much laziness as possible.

How Do You Get Ready To Go Back To Work Tomorrow?

Lick a Puffer Fish with Zoku Fish Pop Molds

Monkey Pickles
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0
Lick a Puffer Fish with Zoku Fish Pop Molds
  One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, or orange fish, or purple fish… the possibilities are virtually endless with these Zoku fish popsicle molds. Use your favorite juice or melted chocolate to create 6 pops with ocean creatures including a puffer fish, whale, shark, clown fish, octopus, and a scuba diver. Eat the fish pop to reveal a funny “skeleton” inside each one! Check out more Zoku products including the original Zoku Quick Pop Maker HERE
Zoku Fish Pop Molds

Zoku Fish Pop Molds

$22.99  in stock
Amazon.com
as of April 16, 2024 4:44 am

Features

  • SIX UNIQUE DESIGNS: 6 different molds create a variety of under-the-sea creatures including a shark, clownfish, octopus, whale, puffer fish, and a ZOKU scuba diver; about 1.1-1.6-fluid ounces each
  • EASY TO USE DESIGN: Silicone molds easily release your pops from the polypropylene base, no inverting required; simply pull out your fish pop and enjoy; no need to run under warm water; each mold includes a stick with drip guard for mess-free enjoyment
  • GREAT FAMILY ACTIVITY: Mess-free fun for kids and adults alike; create unique and healthy treats with fresh fruit and juice, or decadent desserts; perfect for families, parties, an after-school snack, or as an addition to the other ZOKU character pop shapes
  • MIX AND MATCH: Try out different combinations of molds and tails for fun and surprising results; uncover amusing skeletons of the sea creatures as the pops are eaten
  • BPA-FREE AND PHTHALATE FREE: Simple to clean with warm water and soap; do not wash in dishwasher; clean with mild soap and water; designed in the USA

5 Foolproof Excuses To Get Out Of Jury Duty

Monkey Pickles
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0
5 Foolproof Excuses To Get Out Of Jury Duty
Oh no! You have just received the dreaded jury summons in the mail. What now? Whether it’s your first summons or your 30th, most people find that jury duty is no fun. Taking time off work, driving to the courthouse, navigating traffic, sitting and listening to a boring court case, and so on. It might not be so bad if you got paid, but most adults don’t consider the meager “stipend” to be anywhere near helpful. So, how can you get out of it? Here are some excuses that just can’t miss…

Jury Duty Excuse No. 1: Go Full Klingon

Yes, dress up like a Klingon. Who wants a Klingon on their jury? No one, that’s who. Pretend you’re heading to Comic-Con and go all out! Sure, you’ll get funny looks from the other potential jurors, but who cares? They’ll be sticking around and you won’t! Not a fan of “Star Trek”? Dress up like Chewbacca, a Hobbit or even the Easter Bunny.

Jury Duty Excuse No. 2: Claim To Be A Human Lie Detector

Tell them no lie gets by you; you can spot a liar a mile away. They’ll excuse you before your nose can grow.

Jury Duty Excuse No. 3: Scheduling Issue

You’re booked on a flight to Mars next week. Bring your tickets! Print up a brochure, too, to show them all the amenities the planet has to offer. Better yet, tell the other jurors you’re from Mars, and your planet simply does not believe in the judicial system as it exists on this planet. Throw in some Martian language for effect. (A “Beep!” or “Boop!” or a good and loud “Borp Mip” from the “Coneheads” should do it.)

Jury Duty Excuse No. 4: Bark!

If you don’t want to be a fake Martian, be a fake dog. Bark when you are asked questions and then just keep barking. Wear a dog collar to really complete the look, and bring a box of Milk-Bones to snack on. You have to really commit, though. Sniff the other jurors’ butts and howl when you don’t get your way.

Jury Duty Excuse No. 5: Get Personal

And if all else fails, look at the defendant and say, “Remember me? It was a cold night, I wore red, you wore blue … we went back to your place, and you never called me again! We’ll see who has the last laugh now!” It’s a surefire excusal!

Household Uses For Chlorine

Monkey Pickles
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Household Uses For Chlorine
Every person who has ever attended and paid a little bit of attention to their science class in school must have heard the name of chlorine. It is the third most commonly spoken about chemical after oxygen and ammonia in our science labs and was situated at the top right side on the periodic table. It is represented by the symbol “Cl” and whoever tasted it, said it is salty. Have you ever given a thought as to what will you do if you have some spare chlorine just sitting in a bottle with you? Well, there are many ways you can put that chlorine to a good use.* *Don’t really do any of these things. SATIRE, friends!

Purify Water For Drinking

Suppose you are stuck in a desert far from the utilities and facilities of modern times. And after walking for miles under hot sun, you finally come across a source of water which you are half sure with your remaining working senses that it is not a mirage. You dive in it to cool yourself down. After calming your body, now you want to drink it to quench your thirst. But, what if the water you are about to drink is not fit for drinking. What if after drinking the water, you catch some illness and die shortly. You need to act fast as you are already 5 minutes away from death because of thirst and dehydration. Just put out the chlorine pills from your bag, fill the water in a container and put the pills in it. The water will become pure(ish) after some time and you can drink it then. Chlorine is a proven water purifier and is used for purifying water for a long time.

Alternative To Salt

Some guests have arrived at your home unexpectedly and you are cooking dinner for them now. But you realize that you are out of salt in your kitchen. Now, you can’t just leave your esteemed guests to themselves and go out to buy salt now. But what you can do is using chlorine in your food as an alternative. Chlorine is claimed to be salty and is also the reason while the water containing too much chlorine tastes salty. I know, I know! Chlorine is poisonous. But, desperate times, desperate measures! Plus, it will be a good thing if you hate the guests who have come to your house.

Exact Revenge On Rats

If you are also one of the people constantly infuriated because of the rats treating your house as theirs, well rejoice! There is a great way to exact your revenge from those rodents and get rid of them at the same time; and that is by treating them with their last supper. Chlorine is highly poisonous and eating it forms other than chlorides means a sure death. So, take a cheese, apply or mix it with some chlorine, keep it anywhere and leave the rest to Mother Nature. The rat will smell the cheese and find it himself. And as soon as he takes the first bite out of the cheese, you will get your revenge of all the things bitten and trashed by it in your house. Not everyone would have the heart to do this, but there is always the more humane option of hiring a professional team like Rat control Melbourne FL to remove rats from your home instead. They’re dedicated to minimising animal/human conflict.

As A Fire Extinguisher

You can use common salt which contains chlorine in chloride form to put out fire caused by oil or grease. Now, you know you can’t use water to extinguish such fires as it is just ineffective with oil being lighter and floating above water. So, in case any of your science experiment involving oil and grease gone wrong and no other effective options available, just sprinkle salt or chlorine powder (if it exists) on the fire and the fire will be extinguished shortly. A better way is to keep a fire extinguisher ready next time you are performing any DIY science experiments in your garage.

Monkey Emoji Plush Pillows are the Best

Monkey Pickles
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0
Monkey Emoji Plush Pillows are the Best

Emoji monkeys could possibly be the cutest emoji out there, so why not cuddle up with a soft plush monkey emoji pillow?!

 
EvZ 32cm Emoji Smiley Emoticon Brown Round Cushion Stuffed Plush Soft Pillow

EvZ 32cm Emoji Smiley Emoticon Brown Round Cushion Stuffed Plush Soft Pillow

 out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • The official brand, officially licensed product.
  • Perfect high quality lint-free cute pillow, great hand feeling, soft and no odors.
  • Great way to express yourself with these crazy and fun emoticons, creative gift for your friends, kids and everyone you love.
  • Decorate your bedroom, living room, or anywhere else with emoticons, maybe the happiest thing in the world!
  • Material: Poly Propylene (PP), Size: 32cm(Dia.) x 10cm(Thickness).
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd

Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd

$9.98  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
  • Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
  • Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
  • Good Choice for your friend
  • Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
Smiling Monkey Emoji Pillow 12.5 Inch Large Light Brown Smiley Emoticon

Smiling Monkey Emoji Pillow 12.5 Inch Large Light Brown Smiley Emoticon

$5.00  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Material:Plush + Poly Propylene (PP) | Shape: Round
  • Size: 12.5in (32cm) in diameter x 4in (10cm) in thickness
  • Great for in-bed reading and TV watching; Use as bolster ,sofa-cushion ,back and head pillow.
  • It's great way to express yourself with these crazy and fun emoticons.
  • Perfect GIFT for your friends and your kids and everyone you love.
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Not speak)

Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Not speak)

$9.98  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
  • Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
  • Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
  • Good Choice for your friend
  • Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
Dolphineshow Soft Plush Emoji Monkey Pillow

Dolphineshow Soft Plush Emoji Monkey Pillow

$9.98  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Material:High Quality Poly Propylene (PP)
  • It's great way to express yourself with these crazy and fun emoticons
  • Very plush and soft and the perfect size for a head pillow or a lap pillow
  • Perfect GIFT for your friends and your kids and everyone you love!
  • Dolphineshow is Registered Trademark ,Serial number:86788459.Make sure you buy from Dolphineshow.If you purchase here and receive products from other sellers ,please help us report to Amazon Service for Copyright Infringement of Dolphineshow brand products.
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Not lishen)

Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Not lishen)

 out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
  • Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
  • Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
  • Good Choice for your friend
  • Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
13" Cute Monkey Emoji Pillow Round Cushions Stuffed Animal Plush Toys for Car Home Sofa Cushion Decoration (No See)

13" Cute Monkey Emoji Pillow Round Cushions Stuffed Animal Plush Toys for Car Home Sofa Cushion Decoration (No See)

 out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Efficient transmission and stable signal: 100% Copper wire core offers clear crisp sound quality and ensure the stability of transmission for better and comfortable experience
  • Plug and play: no extra software, you just need to plug and enjoy fidelity sound quality. Allow you to use your existing 3. 5mm headphones with the new iphone 11/11Pro/11Pro/X/8/7 plus.
  • High quality metal Joint Produced with First-Class Technology: the specially crafted alumina housing makes the product more wearable, high-end and enhances anti-jamming capability.
  • Designed for your daily life: easy to bring with you outside and ensure the high quality of music, this item is perfect for your daily life or leisure time.
  • Perfect design for your phone 7/ 7 plus, allowing you to enjoy music, enjoy digital life. This product is compatible iOS 10. 3 above, is compatible with iOS11 and is compatible with Phone 8/ x.
Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Smily)

Jessie&Letty Lovely Monkey Pillow Cushion Monkey Pluch animal toy plush pillow cushion for kids giftd(Smily)

$5.99  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Funny emoji monkey plush pillow for you
  • Pretty, squishy and cuddly-- perfect gif
  • Your kids and/or your friend will love this!
  • Good Choice for your friend
  • Decorative and fashion for house in daily life.
TS 33cm Emoji Emoticon Monkey Soft Plush Stuffed Pillow Cushion Stuffed Toys Present Gifts (Don't Speak)

TS 33cm Emoji Emoticon Monkey Soft Plush Stuffed Pillow Cushion Stuffed Toys Present Gifts (Don't Speak)

$9.99  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:34 am

Features

  • Size: 33cm*33cm
  • High quality plush and cotton stuffed pillow toy
  • Wonderful home decoration pillows, they can also bring you much fun as a pillow toy
  • Fast shipping and world top trade experience
  • Nice choice as present for friends or kids

What Embarrassing Items Do You Have In Your Music Collection?

Monkey Pickles
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0
What Embarrassing Items Do You Have In Your Music Collection?
It doesn’t matter whether your music collection is made up of CDs, cassette tapes, LPs or iTunes files. We’ve all got something embarrassing in there, something we bury and hope our spouse or children will never know about us.

What Embarrassing Items Do You Have In Your Music Collection?

3 Reasons To Not Shave A Gorilla?

Monkey Pickles
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2
3 Reasons To Not Shave A Gorilla?
With the price of razors these days, I’m lucky if I get one per year that I use to make myself look snappy for my Christmas Facebook photo.  I’m exaggerating, but I had a random thought the other day while I was buying razors — I actually have a lot of random thoughts about sandwiches and rainbows and a short story about squirrel ninjas who attack with staplers and a killer strategy — about shaving monkeys. Then, I thought monkey pickles! Why stop at monkeys? Let’s shave gorillas. Shaved gorillas would be a sensation.  I could make the announcement online, and the gorilla would eat golden bananas while he was being shaved. There would be a video and more than one instagram of the event, and once it hit the social media platforms, it would become the meme of the month. It would be more popular than the phrase go go Power Green. The video of this furry adventure would be more tasty than a salt tart. The idea would propel me into fame! In my mind, I was writing the list of stories I would tell to interns and to my kids about the fun we had when we shaved the gorilla. I would tell them about the bananas and the beach balls and the fire eater and how people wanted to spoon me after they saw the pictures on Tumblr. I was making a list of the paradise my life would be if I just had a video of myself shaving a gorilla. Why not?  I realized before the question had even left my mind that there was no way that I could even afford to shave a gorilla. It would take way too many razors. Then, I decided to get serious and make a top 10 list of all the reasons that you should not shave a gorilla.   Well, the best of those lists are the bite size pieces of information that you get in the first three points. The rest of the points are just a lot of blah blah blah that are about as exciting as a fruit ball full of hamster balls so I decided to cut the list to three.   And with no further ado, here is a list of the top 3 things that smell. Just kidding, I mean the top three reasons that you should not shave a gorilla.

1. You don’t have the experience!

Before you whip out your razor and expect people to give you a bunch of high fives for your gorilla’s new hair cut, you should realize that it takes a lot of training to shave a gorilla. You can’t wake up one morning, and say, I am bored, wheres wally, let’s shave a gorilla. It’s not like taking finger paint to cardboard. In regards to difficulty, I would say it’s more like making clay pots or finding unicorns who know how to ride unicycles while tweeting on twitter. Gorilla stylists spend time at tech schools where they attend workshops and learn how to dye hair yellow.

2. The fur can be used as a hiding space.

This may sound like a weak attempt at humor, but hiding places are essential especially for things that are easy to lose like car keys. If you’re short on time, you could hide something behind a jar of pickled eggs or under a bag of old squash seeds from last spring, but the best place is in a gorilla’s fur.

3. It looks horrible!

Most gorillas won’t get a job at a modeling agency, but there is no reason to give them any more excuses about their looks. Whether your gorilla is wearing rainbow scarves or sleek black bows or nothing at all, they look better now than they would without fur. As far as I’m concerned, there is no reason to shave a gorilla, but I would be willing to change my mind if they ever invent a pasta with zero calories that I can eat soundlessly while talking on my mobile phone.

11 Things to Buy Today if You’re Obsessed with Twin Peaks

Monkey Pickles
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0
11 Things to Buy Today if You’re Obsessed with Twin Peaks

Who Killed Laura Palmer?

Back in 1990, this question was on everyone’s mind when Twin Peaks debuted. Twin Peaks was a bizarre and enigmatic drama TV series that captured the attention of millions of viewers, and quickly became a cult phenomenon. Who can forget Special Agent Dale Cooper, taping a daily journal to the mysterious Diane? What about the Log Lady, whispering sweet nothings to her psychic log? With the 3rd season coming up on Showtime over a quarter of a century after the pilot of Twin Peaks aired, we’re showcasing some fun throwback memorabilia from the show that blurred the lines between reality and supernatural.

Funko POP Television Twin Peaks Laura Palmer in Plastic Wrap Action Figure

Funko POP Television Twin Peaks Laura Palmer in Plastic Wrap Action Figure

$67.00  in stock
4 new from $67.00
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am

Features

  • From Twin Peaks, Laura Palmer in Plastic Wrap, as a stylized POP vinyl from Funko!
  • Stylized collectable stands 3 ¾ inches tall, perfect for any Twin Peaks fan!
  • Collect and display all Twin Peaks POP! Vinyl's!
Damn Fine Cherry Pie: And Other Recipes from TV's Twin Peaks

Damn Fine Cherry Pie: And Other Recipes from TV's Twin Peaks

$29.23  in stock
7 used from $25.24
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am
Angelo Badalamenti: Twin Peaks Soundtrack (180g, Colored Vinyl) Vinyl LP

Angelo Badalamenti: Twin Peaks Soundtrack (180g, Colored Vinyl) Vinyl LP

$199.95  in stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am
Twin Peaks Welcome to Twin Peaks Adult T-shirt - Military Green (XX-Large)

Twin Peaks Welcome to Twin Peaks Adult T-shirt - Military Green (XX-Large)

 out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am
Twin Peaks - Audrey Horne - Original Minimalist Art Poster Print

Twin Peaks - Audrey Horne - Original Minimalist Art Poster Print

 out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am
Twin Peaks: The Original Series, Fire Walk With Me & The Missing Pieces [Blu-ray]

Twin Peaks: The Original Series, Fire Walk With Me & The Missing Pieces [Blu-ray]

$89.99  in stock
3 used from $89.99
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am
The Great Northern Hotel Room # 315 Twin Peaks Inspired Key Tag

The Great Northern Hotel Room # 315 Twin Peaks Inspired Key Tag

$8.99  in stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am

Features

  • Measures approx 3.5" Inches x 1.75" Inches
  • Brand New!
  • "Clean Place Resonably Priced"
Funko Action Figures Twin Peaks Dale Cooper, Laura Palmer, Bob, Log Lady 4 Pack Action Figure

Funko Action Figures Twin Peaks Dale Cooper, Laura Palmer, Bob, Log Lady 4 Pack Action Figure

$199.99  in stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am

Features

  • From Twin Peaks, Dale Cooper, Laura Palmer, Bob, Log Lady, as a stylized action figure 4 Pack from Funko!
  • Stylized collectables stands 3 3/4 inches tall, perfect for any Twin Peaks fan!
  • Collect and display all Funko action figures!
11 ounce Mug - Twin Peaks Sheriff Department Mug - S White "

11 ounce Mug - Twin Peaks Sheriff Department Mug - S White "

$11.95  in stock
3 new from $11.95
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am

Features

  • 11 ounce ceramic coffee mug
  • Made-to-order printing using high quality inks
  • Microwave safe
  • Makes a great gift for fathers, mothers, sons, sisters, brothers, daughters, parents, friends, family, holidays, birthdays, and more
  • Inspired artwork. For any inquiry regarding this disign please message us
Twin Peaks Log Has Secrets Womens Graphic Racerback Tank

Twin Peaks Log Has Secrets Womens Graphic Racerback Tank

$20.98  out of stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am

Features

  • Printed in the U.S.A.
  • Machine Washable
  • Printed With Eco-Friendly Inks
  • Fifth Sun
  • Slim Fit - Please Refer to Size Chart
Robert Farkas "Twin Peaks"

Robert Farkas "Twin Peaks"

$26.00  in stock
Amazon.com
as of April 5, 2024 6:30 am

Features

  • Size: 22x26
  • Removes Clean
  • Repositionable & Reusable
  • No VOCs / Odorless
  • Easy Installation - No tools required

Watch the new season of Twin Peaks! Don’t have Showtime? Join SHOWTIME Free Trial!

How Tweets Saved Christmas

JTR Franklin
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0
How Tweets Saved Christmas

He was freezing when he sat down by the fireplace.

Ice had frozen in his beard, his fingers and nose were numb, and he was desperate to taste that first sip of coffee. He sat alone in the living room in his favorite big comfy chair. He kept the lights off not wanting to wake his wife.

He worked all night until the wee hours of the morning.

I have been at this a long time.  He thought while sipping his coffee.  It doesn’t get any easier, nor am I getting any younger.  He thought propping his frozen boots on the ottoman near the fire. He could feel his toes thawing. “Maybe this will be my last run. I’m tired, old, and I don’t even know if what I do even makes a difference anymore.”  He said to himself while watching the snow and ice on his boots turn into tears and drip onto the floor.

He got warm and cozy by the fire.

He drifted into a deep sleep and a few hours later, he heard the alert tones ringing on his cell phone. He pulled the phone from his pocket and saw his twitter had over one hundred alerts. He went on his twitter and saw he was getting tweets faster than twitter could keep up with them. All of them saying, ‘Thank you Santa!’ ‘We love you Santa Clause.’ ‘You are awesome Santa! Merry Christmas.’ The tweets came faster than he could read them, but he read everyone he could, sitting for hours reading them, eyes tearing up as he did. At last, he became so tired he could not stay awake anymore. He turned off his phone and went to bed. “I can’t wait for next year.” He said and chuckled a little. “Ho, ho. Ho.”

The Doctor Told The Patient He Had Good News And Bad News…

Monkey Pickles
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0
The Doctor Told The Patient He Had Good News And Bad News…

Funny Joke Of The Day

A doctor has just finished a routine checkup on a man who came to see him. Doctor: “Well, sir, I’ve got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?” Patient: “I guess the bad news.” Doctor: “Well, you only have about three months to live, and there’s nothing else we can do. I’m sorry.” Patient: (starts crying) Doctor: “Now, now … I know you’re upset, but remember, I also said there was good news.” Patient: “Yes, I could really use some good news right now. What is it?” Doctor: “Well, you know my nurse, Donna.” Patient: (perking up a little) “Yes?” Doctor: “You know, the beautiful brunette with the lovely smile?” Patient: (more excited) “Yes … ” Doctor: “You know the one that’s always flirting with you every time you come in for a checkup?” Patient: (very excited) “Yes, yes, I know who she is. What about her?” Doctor: “She finally went out with me last night!”

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

What Was Your Worst Experience At The Dentist?

Monkey Pickles
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0
What Was Your Worst Experience At The Dentist?
Whether you hate the dentist like a normal person or whether you love the dentist (seriously, what’s wrong with you?), you’ve probably had a bad experience there once or twice.

What Was Your Worst Experience At The Dentist?

How To Play Seven Card Stud

Monkey Pickles
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0
How To Play Seven Card Stud
Poker has always captured the imagination of a gambler. It features chance, plenty of opportunity and unique rules along the way. Most casinos will feature some kind of poker that players enjoy. Advanced players should consider seven card stud for their next game. That will challenge their skills and wits as they are pitted against other at the table. Get familiar with the idea of hole cards and community cards. Bets are placed according to those rules in seven card stud. As its name indicates, seven cards will be made available to players. The dealer sits across the table and will issue cards to each sitting player. Make sure to stay at the table to be eligible to place a winning bet. The dealer and the table will set the rules for the bet itself. Make sure to sit down at the table with the best available hand. The round will start with a requirement that players place an ante in the pot. A standard game may feature up to five rounds with successive bets. Be ready to bet substantially once a hand has been dealt. High rollers have made good on their skills with Seven Card Stud.

Objectives Of Seven Card Stud

By the end of five rounds, players will have five cards to their own hand. Combined with the community cards, that will complete a round of seven card stud. Before the first betting round, each player will be dealt three cards initially. Two of these will be dealt face down and assigned as hole cards. Only the individual player can look at these hole cards. The third will be dealt face up on the table. All players may look at the face up cards already on out for the game. Take note and try to make a winning hand with these cards. Players may know that pairs and triples are valuable hands in a poker game. That still applies in a contest of Seven Card Stud. Face cards include the King, Queen and Jack. These are scored more highly than the numerical cards in the deck. Ace cards are considered to best in the game of poker. Combine these cards in a hand to get a straight or royal flush whenever possible. Winning bets may be increased based on the initial cards dealt. Smart players will bet with confidence if they hold a winning hand.

Track Cards Per Betting Round

The next few rounds will be referred to as 3rd, 4th and 5th street cards. Those dealt cards are also shown face up on the table. Keep face down hole cards hidden for an element of surprise. Experienced players should anticipate additional cards and add to their hand. That will give them better chances of winning outright at the end of these rounds. Wait until all seven cards have been accumulated to decide on a hand. In between each of these rounds, a bet will need to be placed. The first bet is based around the door card placed face up on the table. All players must bet following the door card chosen by the table’s rules. That will set the game in motion and decide how much goes in to the pot. Since all players bet, expect the pot value to increase substantially as the game proceeds. The winning hand has to be restricted to five cards overall. Choose the best out of the five cards during the game. Be sure to match bets once each street card is dealt accordingly. That will keep players in the game at the end of the round.

Rules Of Seven Card Stud

Players must be present at the table from start to finish. Etiquette applies and could affect the way the hand unfolds. If the player leaves the table in the middle of a deal, he will forfeit his bet. Watch how players pick up their face down cards or behave at the table. That could also forfeit their total bet so far on the hand. A table with more than just two players may change the rules. The last card may be dealt face down, giving players another chance at surprise bets. The dealer has to keep track of cards dealt and bets made to stay in place. It will also be the dealer to announce aspects of the game. He may announce the low card, high hand and any respective bets being place. The winner should have the hand with the highest value overall. That player will receive the pot, including all bets made towards the completion of a game. A tournament will introduce more rules for players to follow. Talk to the dealer before the game to get an idea of how to proceed. Players should practice and read up on Seven Card Stud before they proceed.

When A Hand Ends

In a typical game, the round will end once all bets are placed and cards are dealt. Most players will receive just seven cards according to the rules. The dealers are experienced and know how to hose a standard game of cards. Premature turns could forfeit the hand or the bet for the player. Keep track of other players at the table and their face up cards. Try to formulate a strategy that will keep a player competitive. Other individuals may be looking to amass the right cards for a specific hand. Use that information to possess a hand of one’s own. Bets need to be placed between each motion made by the dealer. He will announce when a new card is to be handed out on the table. Keep these cards on the table and anticipate some of the bets being made. Up the ante by placing larger bets for the hand in play. That could pay off at the end of the match. Other players will have to bet in kind if they want to stay competitive. The dealer will update players on their roles during the match itself.

Video On How To Play Seven Card Stud!

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