You Can’t Be Syriass: Tourism

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humor, short story

What are these extreme tourists looking for?

It can’t be to escape the heat … ’cause there’s a heck of a lot of heat going down in Syria right now.
Sure it is good to have a break … but not of a limb.

Even with the government advising citizens not to travel to Syria or neighboring regions, no doesn’t seem to mean no for these hardened globe trotters when it comes to this forbidden fruit. Let us hope that when the one piece covers all lingerie is peeled away that flash of yellow is the succulent banana they anticipated and not a rather moldy old lemon that has been dropped on the floor, gassed, shelled … and is actually a painted grenade.

Still, if you must go

and have a blast, here are some undiscovered Syrian hot spots that you might want to check out in. They were discovered but very possibly they have been wiped off the map by now.

 1. The City

Ruins of ancient Masada fortress in the desert in Israel

Surprisingly still popular with tourists.
One local source explained, ” The tourists are everywhere. They just don’t know where to hide when the shelling starts. They are painting the town very red indeed.”

When asked if foreigners should stop visiting the region until the conflict resolved itself the source disagreed. ” No. Tourism is more important than ever for business … I am a pie salesman”
Pictured is a typical city center hotel. It may not be as shown in your brochure but it is a credible representation of your hotel when it is finished.

Some hotels still boast pools … although these tend to be green, corrosive or black & on fire.

 2. The West Coast

01 beach

Quieter ….. Deathly quiet in fact. This is a destination that is growing in popularity as you can swim for it. Good for those who like to collect shells and bury their loved ones in the sand. Notable landmarks include those left by bombardment by the US Navy Sea breeze great for dispersing gas.

 3. The Hole In The Ground

apes hole

You might think that because these are all over the place, that you can holiday on the cheap but many holes not affiliated with a registered travel agent lack basic amenities and you are exposed to the elements.

A particular problem being rain, as it is full of shells & missiles. Shortly before a rain of terror, you may see what is locally referred to as a sad sky, which you can identify by fighter jets or a nearby rebel enclave.

It is now time to check into your hole in the ground, invest in a very sturdy hat or shelter under a quality umbrella … that is a house … in another country.
Popular with fleeing former dictators, it is essential to check out of your hole in the ground in plenty of time. Overstaying your welcome at popular times of the year may be viewed harshly and some holes operate a public execution policy for tardy guests.

Of course, you can dig your own hole in the ground and vacation at home, politicians do it all the time … but you won’t get the weather.

 4. Caves

A very popular choice.cavedino3
Less deathy.
All the scorpions you can eat.
Tend only to have VCR technology
Some dinosaurs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Nick Jackson was born in the UK, the land of gunpowder tea, but moved to America to escape exploding cups of tea.

He now lives in Florida where he attempts come to terms with concepts such as how flat everything is and whether the alligator is a golfer’s natural predator.

Nick has written for Monkey Pickles from the beginning, as established in Cern, Switzerland, with the discovery of the long-sought Monkey Pickle Particle. He is somewhat “freaked out” by writing in the third person.

Nick is motivated to write for the pleasure of the experience rather than to pay the bills, but he does recognize that pleasure is still not an acceptable method of payment in most respectable retail outlets. He hopes to raise a smile or two before being ejected from the store.