Winter Weary ‘Karen-isms’

356
Ohio

This is the time of year when everyone I know

either 1) flocks to Florida or 2) starts Day Drinking or 3) gets quite grumpy.  I am not sure how we get through this mid-western Twilight Zone that starts in mid-January and ends sometime after the tulips have died. It’s not such a bad thing – we all have something to bitch talk about while at the coffee shop or in line at the grocery store.  It gives us a common bond. There isn’t a whole lot we can do, actually.  We take a lot of Vitamin D.  We sit in front of the fire.

We make comfort food.

And we just deal with it. I moved here from California, so if anyone has a right to complain, it’s me.  But I don’t. Much. I do what everyone else does.  I stock up on wine, toilet paper and peanut butter, buy extra gloves, (all black because I always lose just one), and try to smile.  To help deal with it, I’ve made a list of words that don’t exist – but should.  If you’ve ever lived in Ohio, you’ll agree, I’m sure.

 

Sprinter:  That very long last leg of time between Winter and Spring.  You know, just when we think the daffodils may start blooming and we get the largest snow fall of the season.

 Snuggle-Snooze:   The time between 6:15am and 6:45 7:45am when you push the snooze button on your alarm every five minutes and snuggle with your mate – or your four-legged fury friend – because it’s way too warm and cozy under the comforter to get up and greet the dark and cold morning.

 OkaymaybeI’llseeyouthere:  What you tell your friend about meeting them at the gym at 7am on a cold, dreary morning.  I have a better word for it: No.

Chiliagainmom?:  When you are cleaning out your freezer and using all the wonderful winter comfort foods that sounded so good in January and February, but that  getting a little boring come St. Patrick’s day and Easter.

Slumush:  The gray slush-mush combo that adheres to your car as you drive to work in the morning.

 Toefreeze:  When you are so tired of wearing your winter boots that you dare to wear your open toed pumps to work.

MattedRug:  What your dog looks like after lying in the snow all day

 Smellslikeabarn:  See above

Allskate: When your entry way gets so wet from melted snow that you slip and slide every time you walk in.

 Takeoffyourbootsnow:  See above

 Justaroundthecorner:  That fated day when we can safely put away our coats and mittens and get out the spring clothes.

 Winterwonderland:  The first snow fall of the season.  It’s like birth – we forgot what last winter was like.

Chocomint:  Hot chocolate and Peppermint Schnapps.  Try it. It helps.