Reasons I Need Rocket Boots

rocket feet

Reasons I Need Rocket Boots

Crossing the street

– Why is it every time I get to a crosswalk, the walk sign goes away and now I have to wait another 10 minutes for the sign to change. Who designs this crap? Now I can just fly over the road and punt the street light on my way across for being lazy.


– Why the hell do the tallest guys at the show feel the need to stand in front? And is the afro really necessary? I’d fly to the front of the stage, not to watch the show and block other people’s view, but to melt the faces off those tall a-holes in true rock-metal form. That’ll teach em.

Clean my gutters

– There is always that one area where the ladder refuses to stand up straight. Seriously, I’m climbing up and feel like the slightest breeze could knock the thing over and I’d fall to a horribly painful and bloody death. With rocket boots – BAM! I fly right up, clean those gutters, chug a beer, read some porn, and float down.


Melt snow and ice on my driveway – Because I could!

Special attack to smite my enemies

– Every good battle requires some kind of special attack. With rocket boots I would lift into the air and fly right into my enemy (Raiden style), slamming them into a wall. If I got really good at controlling my rocket boots, I could perhaps even lift my enemy into the air and drop them from tremendous heights onto the ground. FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Best costume EVER

– I would put on my rocket boots, spray paint 5 cats, tie them to my body and have the most realistic Voltron costume EVER. Oh, and I would probably need a sword to complete the outfit.

… and last but not least …

Most Strategic Viewpoint for Maximum Cleavage

– Kind of self explanatory.