Quacky Races: Mark Rubio’s Presidential Bid Factiness

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Is Mark Rubio the presidential candidate for you ?

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Wacky Races continues with Mark lining up on the starting grid in his political vehicle, the Buzzkill Special.
Monkey Pickles has researched the back of countless cereal boxes ( ie. more than 7 ) to bring you the best delicious and crunchy political insight that coupons can buy.

We at Monkey Pickles WILL help you elect a president who will not try to tie his slip on shoes and who does not believe Castor Oil is an export of the Cuban regime.

1. Claims to Fame: Mark Rubio does not claim to have been in the 80’s movie Fame or its spin-off TV series.

2. Mark Rubio is the inventor of the Rubics Cube … but has never solved one.

3. Rubio decided to make his bid for power in cool Washington after sweating profusely during a bottled water commercial.

4. Mark is often confused with burly Canadian politician, Rubio Roughcut, despite never wearing a checked shirt or being friends with a beaver.

5. Smart, handsome and well spoken, Rubio is only ever upstaged in the media if Hillary Clinton eats lunch that day.

6. Mark believes that the Russian currency is the Rubio and is afraid that if his supporters find out he will lose votes.

7. Not a duck.

8. Rubio appears not to be convinced that climate change is real, being of the opinion that fluctuations in the global temperature are part of a natural cycle that coincides with responses to State Of The Union Addresses.

9. Mr. Rubio subscribes to a traditional definition of marriage, a union between one politician and several multinational corporations.

10. Mark is a futurist, a modern thinker with mysterious fresh ideas and not a politician stuck in the 20th century mindset, “taxing and borrowing and regulating like it’s 1999” when America enjoyed some of the most prosperous times in recent memory. The future will be different.