How to Make Coffee

How To Make Coffee, How To, Funny Articles, Satire, Coffee

When you need a good jolt in the morning, there isn’t any better choice than a nicely-made cup of Joe. You know what we mean, the good stuff. Java. Jitter Juice. A Muddy Jolt of Liquid Energy.

And as a fine costumer of this popular beverage, many of you are probably curious about how exactly to make a tasty cup. We’re not talking about your average cup of coffee here; we’re talking about the best way to brew a bean to perfection.

It doesn’t matter if you take your cup black and strong or you prefer something more foo-foo like a perfectly ground espresso on ice. The fact remains the same: these tips for how to make coffee will take you from beginning to bad a$$ in 5 steps flat.

How to Make Coffee – Filter it for extra flavor by using your gym socks

Let’s start with a step that everyone can get right…. Using your gym socks as your coffee filter. Now, you might shy away from this at first, but trust us, it’s going to be awesome. Coffee is best savored when it has class and flavor. This enhances the experiences and allows you to transcend the world of the novice to the world of the connoisseur. And plus, it couldn’t be more simple. Head to the gym, hit the courts or the weights, peel off those sweaty, sweaty socks, and put them right into your coffee machine. Very tasty! I read reviews on The Full Moon Cafe when I want to buy a new coffee machine, so if you’re looking to buy one, check that site out!

How to Make Coffee – With coffee beans that have been pooped from a monkey’s butt

You might think be tempted to think that this one is a great joke. However, the story is far more simple… this one is 100% real. I know, right! Could it be true? You might be shocked to discover that you can get coffee pooped from a monkey’s butt… and that people pay a good deal for it… well, you’re probably in love with how tasty this cup of coffee sound. After all, this one got us thinking: if monkey popped coffee commands a sweet price, what else can you think of that might fetch a premium in this crazy world of ours?

How to Make Coffee – In a hipster bike store that doubles as a record store

Just like it’s important to know where your beans are roasted for the best cup of coffee, it also matters where you brew your beans too. And nothing screams good coffee like a hipster bike store/record store/coffee bar. Of course, it doesn’t matter in the slightest bit that none of these things have anything in common with each other. In fact, when you brewing a cup of Joe in a place like this one, you’ll also be able to get insulted and mocked for a true, hip coffee experience!

How to Make Coffee – By grinding the beans between two random strangers

Okay, this one is just a little weird. But come on! Every way of brewing coffee has been tried out there now. But it’s been said a million times: how you make your coffee matters. So how you grind your beans will completely change your flavor profiles. How better to switch up those profiles then by smash-grinding those coffee beans between two completely random strangers? (That’s right, we just made up a completely new word for grinding coffee beans). Once you brew a cup with this method… the taste will linger with you for weeks to come.

How to Make Coffee – In your mom’s fish tank

Finally, whenever you brew a cup of Joe, you have to do it right. And by right, we mean by brewing as much of it as humanly possible. Well, if you’re lucky your mom or other family member might have a giant 55-gallon fish tank. Again, we’ll remind you that flavor profiles matter. So whatever you do, do not clean out that fish tank. Simply set up your home coffee brewing system and brew, brew, brew! If you accidentally swallow a guppy or two, that’s just part of the experience!

Cold brew, lattes, and cappuccino, oh my! We want to hear about your best recipes for coffee; don’t be shy!