Do you have a giant supply of baking powder going to waste? Believe it or not, you are not alone. There are many ways to wind up with an excess of baking powder, and unless you need to make muffins and quick-breads daily to fulfill a dietary deficiency, (man, what a delicious health issue to come down with, am I right?) it is hard to get through a large supply a few teaspoons at a time.
Whether you won a lifetime supply of the popular leavening agent in a radio contest touting your unprecedented knowledge of SpongeBob SquarePants, got the least exciting inheritance ever heard of, or fell prey to those door-to-door baking supply salesmen that are surprisingly good at their jobs, the truth remains that you need to find a way to use the stuff. Let this article offer you some timely inspiration.
Gaining Intellectual Authority
For some reason, this society has come to connect age with wisdom. Whoever decided that the elderly have more intelligence and experience than us younger citizens have clearly never seen my crazy great-uncle yelling at the DVD player to return his pop-tart or have ever tried to walk their grandma through changing the time on the oven after Daylight Savings.
Fortunately, this connection can work to your advantage when you have a huge supply of unwanted baking powder. Dust some of that in your hair, and use the ensuing salt-and pepper effect to make others think you are older and wiser than you appear.
Remember those volcanoes you made in elementary school using vinegar and baking soda? Well baking powder provides a very similar, yet more gentle reaction. The next time you are called on to give an answer in your History of the Unicorn class when you forgot to do the assigned reading, or want to get out of changing your mom’s new service ferret’s diaper, you can make them think you are deathly ill. A spoonful of baking powder and a swig of vinaigrette will give you a nice foam. Add some theatrical jerks like you are walking through some cobwebs and your rendition of an operatic dolphin, and you can get out of any task at all.
Show Animal Grooming
Have you been looking at your gerbil thinking surely she is the most beautiful mammal in creation? It might be time to make that rodent earn her keep by entering her in the very lucrative world of pet shows. Making a natural tooth paste with your baking powder supply will give her teeth that winning gleam. Even if she isn’t cut out for the high-fashion rodent show world, she could make some good money holding up the round cards for the controversial vermin version of the WWF.
Weaponize the Stuff
When baking powder is mixed with water, it creates a paste. When this paste dries, it becomes pretty solid. This very scientific process of astute hardenization means the paste can be molded into any shape and will harden in that shape. Knives, scythes, mallets, or those chain things with the spiky balls on the end: the sky is the limit! Your new arsenal of very ineffective weapons may not protect you against a zombie apocalypse, but it will look cool. That counts for something, right?
Stop the Runs
Did that questionable taco truck cause you to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes to do unspeakable things that even PooPouri can’t keep up with? Baking powder to the rescue! That paste it forms when mixed with water can plug up your over-zealous bowels. Chug it down, and let it do it’s thing. If you find it making things too sluggish in the digestive department, simply head back to Tito’s Taco Treasure Truck, and use his expertly crafted laxatives to get things moving again.
As you can see, having a large supply of baking powder can be far more useful than you realized. It might not be the best gift to win on The Price is Right, or your favorite wedding registry mistake, but it can definitely offer you a lot of entertainment and utility.