Whether you’re heading off to college, relocating for a new job, or traveling to another continent to find long lost treasures, you may have to leave your beloved boyfriend or girlfriend behind. Fortunately, simply because you can’t be with your other half physically does not mean you need to break things off completely. You can always maintain a long distance relationship.
Unsurprisingly, the idea of maintaining a long distance relationship is intimidating to many people. Fortunately, here at Monkey Pickles, we care about your love lives. The last thing we want is for our Monkey Picklers to end up sad and forever alone, especially since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Therefore, here are a few “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of long distance relationships.
DO Spam Their Social Media With Cliché Quotes
If you want your long distance relationship to be a success, you need to remind your significant other of your existence on a regular basis. Therefore, it is vital that you spam their social media with cliché quotes day in and day out. Ideally, the quotes should be as lovey-dovey as possible. You will get extra points for quotes that are so cheesy and mushy that they make others gag. You will get even more points on top of that if you can achieve projectile vomiting. The vomit will be a testament to the true love between the two of you.
Don’t stop spamming romantic quotes because your significant other’s social media ideally should consist entirely of romantic quotes at all times. If you fail to do this, you can expect your long distance relationship to fail.
DON’T Forget to Call Them Every Hour
Another way you can remind your significant other of your existence is calling him or her every single hour of the day. Not only should you call your significant other every hour, but you should also call on the hour. That way, you can train your significant other to expect your calls. The more you can disrupt the regular life of your significant other, the better. Call him or her every hour, on the hour and it will be like you never left.
If you truly want to be effective, you should make hourly calls 24/7. Even when your significant other is sleeping, it is vital that you force him or her to get up from their slumber and pick up the phone every hour of the night. Not only will this ensure that you are always on your other half’s mind during the day, but it will also ensure that you are always in the dreams of your other half. Calling your boyfriend or girlfriend every hour, on the hour is one of the most effective ways to ensure the success of a long distance relationship.
DO Police Your Significant Other’s Life
When it comes to long distance relationships, one of the main concerns is that the couple will grow apart. One of the best ways to ensure you don’t grow apart from your significant other is policing his or her life. After all, if you control every single relationship of your other half and refuse to allow your significant other to see his or her friends on a regular basis, it will be impossible for him or her to grow distant from you. The goal is to ensure you are the only one in your significant other’s life.
Your significant other should revolve around your life and you should revolve around your significant other’s life. Friends and family will only serve as forms of distraction. Police your significant other’s life and you will guarantee the success of your long distance relationship.
DON’T Stop Crying and Whining
No matter what you do to cope, long distance relationships are incredibly difficult. Therefore, it’s only natural that you fall into a deep depression and spend all your days and nights crying and moping around the house. Even during times when you don’t feel sad, you should continue to cry and mope. Acting depressed will show your significant other how much you value the relationship and how miserable you are without him or her. Your friends and family will definitely be impressed by your over-the-top display of emotion.
The amount of tears you shed on the behalf of your significant other essentially represents the strength of your relationship. Drink at least eight glasses of water a day to ensure you don’t become dehydrated from all the crying that you do. If you ever run out of tears at any point, be sure to have eye drops on hand so that you can produce artificial tears. Believe it or not, artificial tears are far better than no tears at all when it comes to long distance relationships.