Don’t be a softie and go to the automatic car wash to wash your car. Use the do’s and don’ts we’ve assembled below to wash your car the right way! Car washing should be an experience that every car owner gets to enjoy. With the tips below, you can enjoy it, yes, but your neighbors can also get an eyeful – which is really the point of having neighbors, right?
The first thing to do is get rid of all your inhibitions about washing your car in your driveway. Just park the car and start loading up on all your supplies. Your neighbors will get the hint soon enough, and that’s fair warning that you’re going to be sucking up the water supply on the whole street. If anyone needs to take a shower or use the john, they better get to it, because here you go.
DO use an abrasive scouring pad
All that nonsense you may have read about babying your paint finish is a load of gobbledygook. If cars had to be treated delicately they wouldn’t be much use driving on the road, would they? Use a heavy hand and scrub with all your might. Really use some elbow grease and some abrasive cleanser if you have it. If you see a few scratches develop, who cares? It’s either going to be you or the runaway shopping cart and at least this way you get to pick and choose where your car looks like crap.
DON’T hesitate to use all the water possible to wash your car
Of course, the best time to wash your car at home is in the middle of a water drought, when you can really show your neighbors who’s boss. When you have to run back inside to get more soap and supplies, leave the garden hose running at high pressure, so the water runs down the asphalt driveway and into the street. The local kiddies will appreciate the puddle of water that develops in front of your house and they can frolic in it when they get off the school bus, getting their uniforms and books soaking wet.
DO dress scantily for the car washing occasion
For the ladies, a thin white t-shirt will do nicely – the kind you get from those cheap import shops for a few bucks. Pair that with a skimpy pair of Daisy Dukes. Your male neighbors will really appreciate seeing a thing of beauty right there on the family neighborhood street. For you men out there, please don’t bother to wear a shirt. Your female neighbors will simply be undressing you with their eyes anyway. Jeans will do nicely for the bottoms, but leave the belt in the closet.
DON’T forget to play some really loud music while you’re washing your car in the afternoon
This will let all the street know that you’re a man of leisure, and you have all afternoon to rock out to Lynyrd Skynyrd if you’re feelin’ it. Best thing is to set up some massive speakers in the yard, too, so all the neighbors can hear it from any location on the street. If you have a big bass sound system in your car, you can use that, too, so the vibration travels from your driveway all the way into your lazy neighbors house where the baby is trying to sleep.
What are some of your do’s and don’ts for washing your car? Let us know in the comments below. We might use them, but probably we won’t.