5 Foolproof Excuses To Get Out Of Jury Duty

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Monkey Pickles Articles, Star Trek Klingon language, jury duty excuses, human lie detector, get out of jury duty, funny

Oh no! You have just received the dreaded jury summons in the mail. What now? Whether it’s your first summons or your 30th, most people find that jury duty is no fun. Taking time off work, driving to the courthouse, navigating traffic, sitting and listening to a boring court case, and so on. It might not be so bad if you got paid, but most adults don’t consider the meager “stipend” to be anywhere near helpful. So, how can you get out of it? Here are some excuses that just can’t miss…

Jury Duty Excuse No. 1: Go Full Klingon

Yes, dress up like a Klingon. Who wants a Klingon on their jury? No one, that’s who. Pretend you’re heading to Comic-Con and go all out! Sure, you’ll get funny looks from the other potential jurors, but who cares? They’ll be sticking around and you won’t! Not a fan of “Star Trek”? Dress up like Chewbacca, a Hobbit or even the Easter Bunny.

Jury Duty Excuse No. 2: Claim To Be A Human Lie Detector

Tell them no lie gets by you; you can spot a liar a mile away. They’ll excuse you before your nose can grow.

Jury Duty Excuse No. 3: Scheduling Issue

You’re booked on a flight to Mars next week. Bring your tickets! Print up a brochure, too, to show them all the amenities the planet has to offer. Better yet, tell the other jurors you’re from Mars, and your planet simply does not believe in the judicial system as it exists on this planet. Throw in some Martian language for effect. (A “Beep!” or “Boop!” or a good and loud “Borp Mip” from the “Coneheads” should do it.)

Jury Duty Excuse No. 4: Bark!

If you don’t want to be a fake Martian, be a fake dog. Bark when you are asked questions and then just keep barking. Wear a dog collar to really complete the look, and bring a box of Milk-Bones to snack on. You have to really commit, though. Sniff the other jurors’ butts and howl when you don’t get your way.

Jury Duty Excuse No. 5: Get Personal

And if all else fails, look at the defendant and say, “Remember me? It was a cold night, I wore red, you wore blue … we went back to your place, and you never called me again! We’ll see who has the last laugh now!” It’s a surefire excusal!