All the little upstarts line up their hot seats in a row, armed with various sharp doodads, like:

• box cutters
• hammers and chisels
• kitchen scissors
• dog toenail clippers
• Leatherman’s pocket tool
• chunks of aged cheddar

All day long, they merrily disembowel the English language to create “Blah Blah,” or if you will, acronyms.

Of course, if you are a dog, you hear everything your owners say as “Blah Blah.” They could be teaching you the latest Tweets or singing Inagodadavida. It’s all sounds the same to your floppy ears. For instance:

· Your boy says “Go fetch”; you cock your head quizzically as if to ask, “’Blah Blah’ say what?”

· The old man tells you to bring him his ratty slippers; you run from the room, hot on the scent of this mysterious but obviously highly desirable “Blah Blah.”

“Blah Blah” for Humans

If you are a human in the market for a new car, better button up your flak jacket because the acronyms are going to be flying fast and furious. “This baby comes fully loaded with ‘Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah’ and ‘Blah,’” says the salivating young car lot coyote, who has pulled on a freshly tanned sheepskin for just this occasion. “’Blah Blah and Blah Blah Blah’ are optional, owwooo!”

Sooner or later, if the sheer weightlessness of all this non-information doesn’t send your brain floating straight into the stratosphere, you’ll find yourself locked in a contest of consumerism with Wile E.

“What about that new ‘Blah Blah’ I’ve been reading about?” you say in a spirit of carbon monoxide-inspired camaraderie.

“Oh, ‘Blah Blah’? You betcha. It’s listed right there on the sticker, ” the salesperson replies, tracing a slimy trail down the car window with a wet dew claw.

“How much extra is ‘Blah Blah?’” you spew, getting into the spirit of the repartee.

“You can add ‘Blah Blah’ along with ‘Blah Blah’ for only 2 gazillion ‘Blah Blah.’” Smelling an easy kill, your new best buddy pops the hood of the beast, inviting your personal perusal of the engine’s “Blah Blah Blah.”

Before you know it, you’re in the groove, talking the talk and walking the walk like a stalking puma. You’re well on your way to bringing home a big, shiny, machine with emissions that help melt glaciers and “Blah Blah” up the kazoo.

BTW (“Blah Blah”), on the virtual front, you might think you’re pretty social network savvy, but try baiting a hook with “Blah Blah” and you’re liable to snag some far bigger fish. Drop a line with “LOL” on the end and you could reel in a big one – say, LMAO or 2BZ4UQT (translation: “Blah Blah,” “Blah Blah”). Nice trophy catch, but not very good eating.

Text challenged?

No need to fret. Just pen yourself a handy little cheat sheet so you can read and respond like a pro. In column A, list all of the hottest acronyms. Here are a few suggestions:

• ?
• AWOL
• CULA
• ESAD
• GALGAL
• HUYA
• KISS
• PIMPL
• TMA

In column B, scribble a brief definition of each hipster handle. No time to decipher the acronyms? No problem! Just wad up the crib sheet and throw it in a big green bin labeled “Blah Blah.”

We would like to give these guys a big shout out for supporting the startup community and helping more entrepreneurs hit their stride

1. So what is Startup Amp?

Startup Amp will be a one-off fun, inspiring and interactive showcase which aims to use Prezi’s innovative software to help exciting startups and great small businesses around the world get discovered. We aim to achieve this by selling location-based advertising spaces on our unique maps, created using Prezi!

2. Who is behind Startup Amp?

Hello, we are Sam Pringle and Chris Gill, from Hertfordshire, England. We are two recent University graduates looking to find our feet in the world of business whilst helping others to grow their companies.

3. What is Prezi?

Prezi is a cloud-based software with a zoomable canvas, making it fun to explore and visually captivating for users to discover new ideas. Startup Amp, or us as individuals are in no way sponsored by or endorsed by Prezi, or affiliated with Prezi. Prezi, the company, was founded in 2009 and has offices in Budapest and San Francisco.

4. Why are you running this project?

Whilst continually stumbling across cool small businesses and startups on Twitter each trying to showcase themselves to the world, we wondered how we could make an innovative corner of the web where they could promote their services and be discovered by people who otherwise may not have known they existed.

5. Why should I advertise?

Depending on which package you choose you can have imagery, video and links through to your website and social media links embedded on our maps which we aim to receive hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of views! Advertising with us has the potential to achieve a huge fan base for your startup in a very short space of time, or boost interest in your already established business and/or gain greater awareness of that invention you have spent hours perfecting. Maybe even helping you to find an investor! In comparison with some other forms of advertising, you are paying next to nothing for the potential return on investment based on the Prezi receiving a soaring audience globally.

6. Who can feature in the Prezi?

We are aiming to attract companies from a wide range of industries and countries so we can diversify the maps as much as possible.

7. How much will it cost to feature in the Startup Amp Prezi?

We want to create a space where you can show off your product to the world at a fraction of the cost of advertising techniques elsewhere. You can feature your startup, small business or invention on the UK and Republic of Ireland for a one-off fee of £10, £25 or £75, or on the World Map for a one-off fee of $15, $38 or $114.

8. Why are you charging a fee?

Any money raised through Startup Amp will contribute towards the production and maintenance of this website, our subscription to Prezi’s premium package and the marketing of Startup Amp across various mediums. We will use any remaining profits to help fund the design and publishing of our app idea we have been working on!

9. How long will the maps be viewable online for?

We are aiming to have the 2 maps available to view on Prezi.com and on this website for at least 2 years.

Sam Pringle and Chris Gill
Co-Founders, Startupamp.com

Is That a Real Word?

Kind of, but only if you think science is a real subject. It means dolphin. I wanted chocolate covered dolphins. Like, bad. I needed them. I needed them here. I needed them there. I needed them on a house, in a mouse, in a box, on a fox and so on. The siren song of chocolate covered dolphins was calling, and I couldn’t resist.

What the Heck Are Chocolate Covered Dolphins?

Is that a serious question? It can’t be, but I’ll tell you anyway. Chocolate covered dolphins are the greatest snack since squash sandwiches, which haven’t been invented yet. They’re future cool, in the present. And, you can make them at home without any special astronaut equipment. I do. You take your standard monkey pickle, you know about those? Excellent. Take one of those bad boys, peel back the protective yellow business suit — and I mean all the way back. Go full monkey pickle for this one — and dip that beautiful golden boomerang in some freshly melted chocolate.

Now, I like a semi-sweet robe of cocoa solids, but others like milk or even white. Naturally, I don’t trust them. Others, and I won’t name names, but others have been known to go hog wild for some Nutella dolphins. They’re not welcome at group anymore.

What’s the best thing about chocolate covered dolphins? I mean, you need more? We should talk about that in a second. The best thing is that they have zero calories. That last part might not be true. I’m not a scientist.

I Forgot What I Was Talking About

Oh, yes. My craving. It should have been easy to satisfy, but — and I confess this with all due embarrassment — I had run out of monkey pickles the night before. Gone. Gobbled up in a fit of desire for banana bedtime snacks. You know the ones, with the absolutely delicious flavor? Yeah, those. So, I knew it was time for an adventure.

Time For an Adventure

Like all great epic journeys, such as those by Tolkien, Homer and Coleridge, my adventure was fraught with danger, intrigue, unforgettably quirky characters and at least several dozen songs I made up on the fly using perfect Iambic Pentameter. The challenges I faced in order to acquire some perfectly ripe and biteable monkey pickles changed me, deeply and forever. It makes for a fantastic story, I should tell you it sometime.

All Hail the Conquering Hero

I felt the appropriate amount of giddy pride for having accomplished my goal. Now it was time to settle in and enjoy the literal fruits of my labor, coated in the silky sepia sheen of semi sweet chocolate.

And that, my dear friends, is when I realized I was fresh out of chocolate.

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Way to go.. from zero to YouTube sensation in a few weeks. Both people are getting a workout in.

We Want to Know

• What is your favorite salad?
• Do you put anything crunchy on top?
• What dressing do you use?
• Do you use croutons?
• What about shredded cheese?

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1. Hold a drink

in your left hand and check the time on your wristwatch. Trust me, this seemingly innocuous gesture results in disaster. Don’t believe me? Play pretend for a minute and try it. See what I mean now?

2. Breathe underwater

while wearing only a diver’s mask. Did you think there was some secret way to breathe inside your mask without a snorkel? No, there isn’t. Those deep sea divers just learn to hold their breath for long periods of time. You should too.

3. Apply your makeup while driving.

This could result in your car sliding on a patch of ice, hitting a ditch, and flipping. You’d be lucky to make it out alive, and the EMTs would not even notice that new shade of Bobby Brown lipstick you smeared because they’d be busy wrapping your broken face in gauze bandages. No excuses. Don’t do it.

4. Talk on the phone while using the toilet.

I’ll bet you think I’m going to say it’s rude, right? No, I’m going to say that eventually you’re going to need the hand that’s holding the phone to, um, help clean up and pull up. Unless you want to walk around the house with your britches at your ankles while talking to your girlfriend. That would just be weird. And rude.

5. Play with your

bite size baby hamster while petting your cat. I know you want to share the love, but the quality time has to be individualized. Otherwise, your cat may be coughing up hamster balls instead of fur balls.

6. Eat Reuben sandwiches

while riding on a roller coaster. First of all, I’m surprised I have to even tell you this. Everybody knows that sauerkraut doesn’t mix with nausea. You’re far better off with a crisp cucumber sandwich with a thin spread of butter.

7. Eat Buffalo wings

while inserting your contacts. Actually, no food is allowed in or near your eyeballs. Or your ears, for that matter.

8. Sneeze while operating on a patient.

Now that we have hidden top-secret security cameras in every single operating room in the country, you’ll never get away with spreading your gross hospital germs again! That’s right, hospital security cameras everywhere! Wa ha ha!

9. Fly with a head cold.

There is no medicine in the heavens or on earth that will save you from the pure agony of dealing with congestion 30,000 miles up in the air. If you do this, you will be begging for the flight attendant to keep the drinks flowing so you can pass out for the entire flight.

10. Blow your hair dry

while taking a bath. Okay, I’ve never tried this, and I doubt anyone else has, either. Then why, oh why, does this warning still appear in every blow dryer manual sold in America? Are we that stupid? Wait–why are we reading a blow dryer manual in the first place?

Well, I hope you’ve learned something here today. Don’t do as I do. Do as I say.
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Because nothing is better than really enjoying 2:06 watching chocolate chip cookies getting made. It brings you back to a peaceful time and happy place.

What was a time you remember about Chocolate Chip Cookies?

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Way to go Margaret for making the internet feel a little uncomfortable and strangely happy at the same time. Like a true Monkey Pickler. Wearing clothes just gets in the way of so much

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Having a bad day? Look again

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